My mom passed away today, 6 January 2015. She fought it so hard at times, but when she finally let go it was an indescribable moment. Sad, yes, but her struggle is over. She’s no longer bound by a body that wasn’t working anymore. She won’t ever be confused again when her ammonia levels get too high, or have to try to remember whether she took her Lantus or not, or fight with inept doctors. She’s free, and I know this and am happy for her. The last year and a half of her life was not a happy one, and I know she’s in a better place.
But what do I do now? I’ve been preparing myself for this moment since we learned that she had cirrhosis and liver failure, and how that it’s happened…what? I miss her already. There was so much messed up stuff that happened in the couple weeks before she died that I don’t feel like I actually got to say goodbye to her. I didn’t get to hug her. I’ll never get another hug - mom was the only person who ever hugged me. My dad…what am I going to do with him? I can barely deal with my own emotions, let alone someone else’s. I don’t want to seem selfish, I really don’t, but… Mom was the only thing I had to live for, and now she’s gone. I did my best to take care of her while she was sick, and now I don’t have to. She’s been gone for less than 12 hours and I hurt so bad and am thinking about so many things that I might drive myself mad. Does this get any easier? Please, tell me that it does.
My heart is broken forever, my soul forever incomplete. I love you mom, and I'll see you later.
Katherine L. Adams 26 June 1951 - 6 January 2015