Learning To "Just Be"

I'm a diabetic. My blood sugar tells me so, my lack of insulin tells me so, my A1C tells me so. But why do I have such a hard time accepting it? Probably because for the past 23 years I lived a non-diabetic life. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and did what I wanted. Now those days are over and I am having to take baby steps.

Something as simple as eating lunch or taking my insulin seems to be impossible for me right now. I forgot to eat lunch today so therefor I also forgot to take my insulin and then tonight at dinner I sat down and started eating without even thinking twice about my insulin. My husband had to remind me and then fix it for me. What am I 2? No, I'm not...I'm actually a month old. So maybe all of this stuff is supposed to be so new to me that I forget sometimes...or maybe forgetfulness is just part of this disease. Yeah that is probably it :)

I want so badly to learn to "just be." I don't even know if that is possible, but if it is, I wanted it to happen yesterday. I am trying so hard to educate myself and be a "good diabetic," but I seem to keep tripping. Is it because I am trying to walk before I learn how to crawl? Do I need to slow down and take all of this in? If that is the case...I don't think diabetes is going to fit very well in to my plan. Or do I have to fit into the diabetes plan?

Everyone keeps saying that things will get better and I will figure out a routine, but what if I don't want a new routine...I like my old one just fine thank you! I do want to feel better though, and I do want to live so how do I manage to settle in to my new life with diabetes? It isn't as easy as some people think, but I'm trying..honestly I am!

Trying...

-Kimberlee

Kimberlee- Believe me when I tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I “ignored” my diabetes for 6 years or so, until one day it just “hit me”. I’d love to say I do it all right but I never do. One hint to maybe help you out. Don’t try to create a new routine, especially if you like the one you have; just find ways to incorporate what you need into your current routine.

For example: I never remember to take my stupid pills. So instead of taking them first thing in the morning like everyone says to do, I take them when I sit down at the computer in the afternoon. I’m always updating my facebook or something like that, and the pill box is right there. No real routine change there. To remember my Lantus, I leave the syringe filled in the fridge, so when I put my waterbottle in for the next day, I see it and take it. I didn’t change my routine per say… I just added to it a little. Good luck, you’ll get it, just cut yourself a break. Worrying to much will never help.