Least favorite response

When I am struggling with bloodsugars or perhaps anything in life and someone’s response to me is “hang in there”, for some reason that rubs me the wrong way.

What is your least favorite response to a trying situation?

“I know exactly how you feel/what you’re going through.”



My least fav is:

“Thats too much, I wouldnt be able to do all that/ I dont like needles or I cant give up my chocolate” Regarding to the all that goes into care of diabetes…

Yeah and I was born to do it…You do what you have to do in order to live…trust me you would learn if you had to

When they give me advice without knowing what I know about the subject, or what I’ve tried. Or when they really don’t know what they’re talking about. Like when I was struggling to determine why type 2 meds were no longer working (I wasn’t type 2) and a friend’s husband says, “maybe because you aren’t getting enough animal protein” Huh? I also remember when I first signed onto another diabetes website to see if I could find answers, and somebody immediately jumped on me and told me I was eating too many carbs! Actually I WAS, but that still wouldn’t solve my problem that I wasn’t making much insulin! (Needless to say I’m not on that site anymore!)

I actually prefer general show of caring such as “hang in there” or “that sounds rough” to random advice giving. Unless of course the advice comes from somebody who really knows me or what I’m going through.

My mother was the worst at that, she use to tell me about how someone had to get something cut off or kidneys failed. I had to tell her look lady thats not helping me…She backed off, I guess she thought she was informing me on what she learned but thats depressing…

My favorite, which was provided by my doctors nurse when telling me my latest A1c. “Your A1c has gone up, you really have to cut back on the sugar.” I don’t consume any sugar. This is not about eating sugar. And the worst part is that any response framed like that immediately implies that somehow this is my fault. I’ve got diabetes, how the (*^& is that “my fault.” Why can’t the nurse or doctor say “Ooooh, your A1c has gone up, I think we need to more helpful to you.”

People who say well my A1c has been a 5 for blank years and if yours is higher you’re doing something wrong.

My least favorite response is the one up response as others have said. “Hang in there” is not okay or in anyway helpful and is actually kind of dismissive. I don’t like it!

When someone tells me they are struggling with something and they just need to vent, I let them get it all out and then I say “Oh man…that really sucks!” And I mean it :slight_smile:

The interesting thing about this discussion is that we can’t include the other non-verbal clues that are there when we interact in person. Someone can say “hang in there” with a tone and look of total compassion that implies accepting and caring about the person with all their struggles and triumphs, or they can say “oh man that really sucks” in a tone and with a look that implies “whatever…let’s talk about something more fun”. Or visa versa. Sometimes I think it isn’t what people say as much as how they say it…and how we hear it.

I agree with you, Kathyann. One of the reasons I talk on here about something ineffable that affects our diabetes control I call “the luck of the draw” is because those of us who have just ok control or who struggle on a daily basis can’t help but be effected by those who imply if we just did what they do, we’d have non-diabetic blood sugars. Or those who imply that someone really struggling is missing some really basic principal of management. Before anyone pulls out their arrows, I’m not saying everyone with good A1C’s does this or certainly not with intent. I think it is a constant struggle in life to stay empathetic to others with different situations and not to see everything through a filter of our own experience. For example, if I with a “decent” A1C see someone with highly unstable blood sugars my instinct is to want to help and to share basic principals like carb reduction, I:C ratios, pre-bolusing, etc, but I need to first see what they have tried.

“It will get better.” Arrgh! Hey, maybe it wil get worse or stay the same…

When you are facing whether to have a piece of cake or avoid and someone says, well you have a pump, oy vey!!!

Responses from people in general don’t bother me. There is a lot of ignorance out there, so if I sense that the intent is sincere, I’ll give them a pass.

However, when I hear stupidity or callous ignorance coming from a nurse or doctor who should know better, THAT rubs me the wrong way. For example, the response that ticked me off the most came from a nurse who had just checked my HbA1C. It had gone up a bit from my prior 3-month visit. Her comment was, “Watch it!” Grrrr! That remark demonstrated a lack of respect and/or bedside manner. I felt like telling her the same thing when I had to come in and see her a week later to get a Rx corrected in which she had made an error. Two wrongs don’t make a right though, so I left it alone, but the feeling was there. :wink:

OMG, you are good I so would of said “watch it” to her.

Loved when I saw a new endo and she had a med student/resident with her and she left him with me alone and he asked why do you test your bloodsugar so much!!! Are ya kidding me?

My “favorite” is when someone says, “You could try losing some weight” no matter what the issue.

First of all, weight loss is not the panacea for all of life’s problems.

Secondly, are you freaking kidding me?!?? What obese woman in America hasn’t been trying to lose weight for most of her life?

Hello, Capitan Obvious!

It is pretty interesting that as obesity becomes epidemic in the U.S., bias against overweight people gets worse, not better!

So true…rather than compassion and a willingness to help those who are struggling, people have become more judgemental and nasty toward them. Disgusts me.

It’s fear, for the most part. They want to blame us and pretend it’s easy to lose – because the reality terrifies them.

Oh, lordy, there are so many! The “It could be worse. You could have cancer” response always gets to me. Probably because I have a friend who has breast cancer and she swears from knowing me that D is way worse (we actually got a good chuckle out of this, trying to figure out who of us had it worse!)

I also hate it when people start talking about the relative they have who died from diabetes. Or when they ask me what my life expectancy is. Or when they tell me about some miracle diet or supplement or shake that is going to CURE me of my need for insulin (I’m T1).

Gotta agree with your friend. I had stage 3 breast cancer, and IMO D is worse. There’s no chance it’ll go away, there is no end to tx, it takes way more attention, etc. etc.