This makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up! I spent (too) many years trying to “help” someone “understand” why when I said something along the lines of “This is what I need” that it wasn’t an affront to his person, it was because I needed that thing- whatever it was- because I was an equal human being who also had needs and wants of my own, and sometimes he’d have to take the ‘losing‘ end (which by the way, was ALWAYS about his feelings being hurt because I wanted some solitude, maybe 15 to treat a low, maybe 40min to take a bath, maybe for no discernible reason and he felt neglected and abandoned.)
My advice to my younger self would have been to ditch that dude post-haste, anyone who doesn’t understand they cant always get what they want and reacts with hurt feelings that are then your job to appease isn’t worth the effort. EVER!
However, Ive had 10 years to reflect on that dismal time in my life, and so with more gentleness than I would give my self, my advice to you would be to check out CaptainAwkward.com and read some of her writings on Boundaries (which asking for 15min of solitude to treat a low certainly counts as), Communication, Dating, and way more fraught topics that are all interconnected and that might help you figure out how to deal with the bigger problem of his feelings than just trying to convince him to give you 15min every now and then…
Good luck, Frantastic, Ive been in your shoes, and I can tell you my life improved by leaps and bounds once I “outgrew” that pair!
(Not to derail your story, but a crafty dirty form of manipulation my Former Ill-Fiiting Shoes came up with was to remind me- regularly, esp any time my BG was out of whack and I was not very peachy to be around- the he was so magnanimous as to not even mind that I had diabetes, and look how he was putting up with me and my monster mood from hitting 350 from a failed infusion set or whatnot, and surely I could see what a strain I could be and I should be so grateful he didn’t mind my diabetes? Surely I knew that made him a one-of-a-kind catch and I should be grateful to have found him? I believed him, because I had no reason not to… I thought diabetes was annoying, so surely it was reasonable that other people would think my diabetes and I could be annoying… But it turns out that was a giant manipulative load of hooey and people who are actually kind and loving and accepting don’t have to remind you all the time how great they are. Just throwing that out there as another giant lesson I learned the slow hard way, in case you have any of that complete BS in your life also.)