There is no such thing as normal. But there is a ‘normal’ me. Since my diagnosis, it’s safe to say that I’ve lost myself. My passion, my drive, my confidence… and too often, thinking that with it, goes my health. In some ways, this may be true. Being insulin dependent. Dependent is kind of scary! But my new lifestyle? How can I say that I’ve lost my health. In many ways, I’m alot healthier than I ever have been and more aware of my body.
In the past week I have had two occasions which have given me hope. I found my normal self again.
The first, whilst in a Zumba class. I was dancing away, without a care in the world, shaking my toosh and I couldn’t help but smile. I realised that in that moment I was truly happy. Carefree. Living in the moment. And my glucose meter was no where in sight. It had been locked away in the changing room without a second thought.
I saw myself in the mirror, and liked what I saw. And what I was seeing was my ‘normal’ self. No diabetes, no ‘diabetic girl’ label, just Emma. How I always have been. As I walked home, my happiness turned into sadness, as I realised that this was the first time in six months that I had felt like myself. Realising this, although a breakthrough is hard to face.
Last night, I went to watch Iron and Wine play a set at VEGA, in central Copenhagen. I took myself on a date, bought myself a drink (alcoholic may I add!) and enjoyed my
own company. This is something that I used to do often, and enjoyed. I’d take myself off to the cinema, for coffee, to a gig. I find it’s the best way to get to know yourself. This was the second time that I felt like my normal self. And this time, it lasted a little longer. On my way home on the bus, I realised that I felt happy in myself, and this feeling had taken over the sadness, which I had felt after the first ‘normal’ moment at Zumba.
I’ve made a promise to myself to do something each day which pushes me just beyond my comfort level. This can be the smallest thing. But each small measure= moments.
And each moment of normal makes me long to be that same person I used to be, allowing for a little more of a push past comfortable. I think that I’m slowly getting there, moment at a time : )
For more of my ramblings, visit my blog ‘The Sweet Life’.