Most here seem to be doing fairly well...unfortunately not me!

I would like to speak to everyone who has answered on here. I know how hard the diabetes is and how much we all have to go through each day. We are each different, but we are all dealing with something. And no, you don’t have to sugar coat your feelings. But if we didn’t have diabetes, would we all be talking to each other? Here we are genuinely loved and accepted and understood. We are all a part of each other. We are family in the deepest sense. We are a very real part of the “in” group. We are all together. We belong. That means you will never have to be alone again. When you want to talk all you have to do is come here and start talking. There is always someone around who will answer.and care deeply what is going on with you. Each of us has a story and a past. You can share it or not. But if you do it will be treated with dignity and so will you.
I cannot change a lot of things. But one thing I can do is to tell you that together we can make it through anything. Each of us makes such a difference in the lives of others. Debb has just spent the last several weeks holding onto my hand to help me keep on living. Never sell yourselves short. It just could be that you don’t know yet how extremely important you are to another family member or how much they need you. You were all there for me. I want to be here for you. And i want each of you to know how very much you are loved. You mean so VERY much to me. Don’t get lost in the stress or the tears or the struggles. We are all here together. And together we can make it through anything, one day at a time. So, for today, please be here with me. I am with you. Peace, Love and Blessings to each of you

Saundra, bless you! What a lovely example of grace under fire you are. We do not have to feel alone anymore here at tudiabetes. I feel like the long-term T1s on this site probably understand me better than my husband (who does love me dearly). We will be here for each other on the positive days and on the negative days.

After 31 years with T1, I myself have recently come to the realization that I cannot wake up from a low anymore. This was tough for me, because I previously was in the “Oh isn’t it horrible to wake up at night with my heart pounding and drenched in sweat from a low” club. Well, I guess it wasn’t so horrible, because at least I wasn’t afraid of NOT waking up. Currently I’m on a waiting list (It’s a very long list) for an assistance dog, and I’m setting the alarm for 2 a.m. every night to check my sugars. This is not great for my marriage, as my husband works in a high-stress job and doesn’t want his sleep disturbed. I had to stick up for myself and explain to him that wouldn’t it be better to set my alarm, and if my blood sugar is normal, or elevated, the alarm will just ring once. If I’m low, it will keep ringing, and hopefully he (who sleeps very soundly) will get up and get me to wake up and check my sugar and have glucotabs if needed. I had to say to him, “wouldn’t it be better to have your sleep disturbed than to have to call 911 and have to stay home from work to get the kids to school and go to the hospital with me?” He didn’t want to hear this, and I didn’t want to say it. But it is what it is. I wasn’t able to get up one morning in December (I think I had gone low in the night.) I completely forgot the other high-schooler in our carpool, and my daughter was late to school. Some days when the blood sugars are crazy and they make me depressed and sad, I just pray that I will be able to be functional long enough to raise my children. They still need me, a lot.

I have been looking at the continuous glucose monitors but I’m thinking if a really loud alarm clock won’t wake me when I’m low, the CGM probably wouldn’t either. That’s why I got on the waiting list for the dog, which will be trained to wake up a family member if he/she can’t get me to wake up.

I have had way more bad days in 2008 than good ones. But I enjoy the good days A LOT! I take so much pleasure in catching up on my chores and having the energy to be positive and being able to think clearly!

I think we have to realize that we are very physically challenged. (even though a stranger and many acquaintances and even co-workers would not ever know it). We must develop ourselves spiritually and emotionally in order to prop ourselves up when we have physically bad days. We must be kind to ourselves even if others do not understand.

Remember, we here at tudiabetes do understand. We live it!

Dear amarilis.

Engineers cannot cope with “it depends”, the apple falls towards the centre of the earth 100% of the time. At least according to Newton. With Bohr it it is 99.999999%. But my knowleadge of mathematics barely unterstands Newton, modern physics is way beyond.

But humour appart, I really appreciate your thoughts I will study them for a few days. I appreciated your comments about Puerto Rico since I shared an office with a person from the former Spanish Empire that was conquered at the same time as Puerto Rico by the USA although He held no grudge. Of course what I would be allowed to say to him was wastly different things from what I could say to the average Canadian Anglo. Again most cultures are far more open than they are.

P.S. No insult intended to the Canadian Anglo. Stiff uper lip and of course God save the British Empire.

Dear Jessica. Good venting I could have written the blog myself. Love it. Did you ever wonder why wars only last 5 years in order to be fun. Vietnam and Iraq much too long. I think the novelty rubs off after a period of time. Post when you are truly upset this is also reality and is great. And don’t worry, everyone of us has had negative thoughts way beyond your worst dreams.

Great Amarilis.

Too bad I am an illitrate Engineer, because without this handicap I would have understood the poem. We can barely understand prose. But in spite of this mind that God gave me it really liked it.

This might sound crazy, but have you considered a CGM? I actually find that I WANT to check my blood sugar more now that I have it… Or if you still don’t want to check, then at least you’ll have the device checking for you every 5 minutes. I guess you could just lie to it about the calibrations or something. Also, gosh, you should have an insulin pump. It makes it all so much easier. Both of those are assuming you have health insurance. Either way, if you eat a lot of carbs (I LOVE CARBS), you should definitely be taking Symlin. Not sure how much that medicine costs w/o insulin, but might be worth it since it will definitely give you much better control after meals than insulin alone and will likely reduce your insulin requirements. Hope that helps. Best of luck, Carolyn

Thanks Carolyn, for your ideas. I tried Symlin for a couple of months & couldn’t get past the nausea, even at a low dose. I ordered the “practice” omnipod and I wore it for a few days and think it might work for me. (I’m too much of a klutz to have anything with tubes on me, especially with my thrashing around while sleeping.) I’m still watching the CGM posts here–I’m not sure if the alarm would wake me or not. I may ask my doctor if he has a loaner I could try. My insurance would cover it–to be perfectly honest, I’m not a numbers person in the least, and I’m a bit worried the amount of numerical data might overwhelm me! It’s plenty of work for me to get all the testing done during the day and count carbs, do the calculations, and not forget any shots and take the correct amount in the shots.

I love carbs, too! But I’ve done pretty well on reducing them… Thanks again for your ideas!

Dear kerry and readers.

Let me know how the omnipod feels. I agree with you I toss and turn so tubing is out. Trying a very low carb approach seems to make me less hungry. Dont need so much bolus insulin so there is less of a mismatch between the food and the insulin that I think causes the uncontrollable hunger.

Kerry, your post on your challenges w/ your husband reminds me of my husband and my life. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Also, how did you like the “practice Omnipod”? I am thinking about switching to it from the MM paradigm. I’m not sure I can get past the size of it, however.

Dear amarilis and readers.

Thanks for your reply. I will try and get some books and psychology and study them. Is there any particular title that could be of use to us? Last year I tried to loose at least 10 lb by carefully writing down eveything I put in my mouth that I carefully weighted. Then I made an Excel spreadsheet and broke down the food into its composition: carbs, protein, fat, saturated fat. I logged the amount of calories I used up at the gym, walking and bicycling. I tried to keep the saturated fat content to less than 10% and the carbs to less than a total of 100 grams per day.

It was not sustainable. I lost 10 pounds down from 240 to 230 but became so stressed and unbelievably hungry that I regained 20 lb to a now really dangerous 250. I do not think that the problem was psychological by physiological. My body went ape because it though it was starving. Now I am too scared to try this again.

The stress was not caused by the system since it is something an Engineer would find totally routine. Read Mr. David Spero article on diet on the Diabetes self management site it paints a picture why diets fail. Let me know what you think?

I am now trying a low carb approach. So far the constant hunger is much less but then again I have not lost any weight yet. Check out Jenny’s comments on insulin depended type 2 and the enhanced need for low carbs diet. Thyroid problems are another possibility since we are the generation that enjoyed nuclear fallout from the bomb tests.

I feel you man. I myself have been going through alittle not wanting to deal with Diabetes. Just everything about diabetes I hate when getting supplies I feel like Im taking from my wife and kids that money I can pay a bill with or get my wife some clothes for work. But i have seen first hand what diabetes can do to someone I have lost a aunt to diabetes and my mother in law seeing what they went through scares me to death. But its easier said then done to say dont give up i use to tell my aunt Mel the same thing but after awhile I could see the fight was not there anymore and i lost her. I am using my wife and kids as my motivation to keep me going i tell been feeling like crap lately and know what i need to do to feeling better and thats getting back to being active. Try be more active it seems to really help me mentally and phyiscally.You sound alot like my aunt did in your first post but I ask you please keep fighting and listen to all these great people to work your way to feeling better. Take Care Darryl

I understand your frustrations and have had many myself the past couple months. In the fall I was going through a particularly difficult time and a friend recommended this site to me. I can say that it has helped me a lot. I have been on a pump for 3 years, but when I got it I set the basal rates myself and they just seemed to work…and then everything just stopped working for me. I moved last year and switched doctors and luckily my new doctor is great. He is working with me to get the basal rates accurate, although I must admit that I wish it was easier. I have had diabetes for 20 years and have had many ups and downs along the way. I agree with others here that “doing well” is a relative term – I am a perfectionist and realize that my criteria for doing well is much different than others. Things will get better and you can learn a lot here. Good luck!

Hi Gary: I sure hope you don’t give up. However, I understand where you are coming from and know something about discouragement too. It seems some people have much more predictable diabetes. Somehow their bodies don’t react so sensitively to insulin and tiny hardly noticeable changes during the course of a day - a few more steps taken, a half pound lost, an hour less sleep - it can change everything. I have had diabetes since I was 20. That’s 42 years now. Despite thinking I knew everything there is to know, since I have been reading tudiabetes.com which is just recently, I’ve learned some news things that may help. There seems to be a zillion factors that can enter into a life threatening hypo event. Are you on a pump? Every time I start feeling like my life is somewhat secure and maybe a couple of years go by, I wind up in the back of an ambulance despite best efforts. Some new things I’ve learned: insulin is way more fragile that i believed. If readings start going up, rather than adjust my dosages upwards, I may just start throwing my insulin vial away. If I show a high reading, I’m not going to instantly take extra insulin. I’m going to test a second time just in case my meter is bonkers. Does you doctor want you to be extremely normal on your b.s. numbers? If so, that may not be a good plan for you. I’ve taken my doctor’s advice and now think of 150 as if it were 100. Its not “normal” but its safe. My A1Cs really haven’t suffered from doing so. I’m also realzing that certain slow acting carbs like beans digest even slower than the extremely slow rate I believed they took which can result in insulin being on board without the carbs. Gary, feel free to share more. I get it and there are others who do too. Jan

Folks for one thing giving up would be stop taking my insulin and at this point I don’t think thats an option. To answer some of the questions I don’t have insurance and don’t make much money. I have never moved away from home which is the only reason I’m able to afford to survive. It’s scary out there even if you don’t have diabetes. I don’t have a real career which is also a major problem. I couldn’t handle the preasure of school and with the diabetes it makes it nearly impossible for me to concentrate. I’ve been playing electric guitar for nearly 30 years (see avatar) but its just a hobby not something I do for money. I chose to stay on MDI cause I don’t mind taking them and don’t want to be tied to a pump. There are times where I could see the convenience of the pump but overall not for me. Sometimes I will take 8 to 10 a day depending on what I eat and how they run but usually 4 to 5 will do it. I know all about the low/high glycemic carb thing. I notice in the morning I also need to wait at least 30 min even if normal where as the rest of the day I can shoot and basically eat right away. Of course pre meal sugar to me must be under 100. Anthing over 100 is a little to high for me to feel good anyway. I also notice eating anything post 3 hours after injection even if its not carbs can make me irritable unless I am on the low side. Once some time back I tested my sugar because I was in a mental funk/anxiety and it read like 84. I ate one peanut butter craker in within minutes the anxiety went away. Its really disturbing what I go through. Sometimes I think its a miracle I ever feel good. A lot more worry is going through my mind more often as my folks are getting older and my mom is a very weak person so between me and her its not a good scene. I told myself and promissed my folks a few years back that I would be off insulin before they pass. We’ll see!

Gary, I’m so sorry to hear about how you’re feeling and your current situation. All public hospitals offer “free care” services for people who make under a certian amount of money. That could really help you with supplies. Also, since you dont have insurance…how long has it been since you’ve seen a doctor? It’s really important to see an endocrin doctor because your insulin needs can change over time. Maybe you need adjustments made to your carb to insulin ratio. Also, do you ever just estimate how much your eating and how much insulin to take. I had a period of 3-4 years when I did that constantly. I’d estimate and sometimes i’d get it right but most of the time not. I felt alot like you’re describing. Hang in there, and I hope things will get better for you!

Kathy,

I kind of wing it. I’ve been doing it long enough that most of the time I can visually portion my meals close enough. In general I usually try to make sure I always have more then enough units to cover what I am eating and if I drop low in between and then boost it up with whatever carbs I can get my hands on. I much prefer to deal with mild lows then anything above normal post meal sugar. I clearly feel the lows. When I am out and about it becomes more complicated and streeful and I don’t go out much because of it. I have a doctor that specializes in diabetes care but she is not an endo. Her attitude is “do what you feel is best for you”. I clearly don’t need an endo. We are basically our own doctors. We all mange to manage it differently and there is no right or wrong as proven here and everywhere else that the one consistent thing about diabetes is that it is inconsistant!

Well said Gary. Never thought of the idea of overinjecting because you can feel a low easier than a high, also you can fix a mild low easier than a high. The trick would be to keep it mild. Might try this if I get enough courage.

Anthony,

Its not anything foolproof but like I said I am pretty sensitive to the sugars. Most people probably couldn’t not test. My biggest problem is sometimes I confuse a high from a low as both symtoms create feelings of starvation/irritability and the highs don’t even have to be that high for that too happen. After 34 years I am finally getting more able to tell better tell which is which. I still screw up but I am aggressive with both. If I feel high after or in between meals I instantly break out the Novolog/humalog and inject 3 to 4 units to start and see how I feel in time. Sometimes I’ll eat carbs in between meals thinking I am getting low then realizing I goofed and break out the fast acting stuff. Though I can’t prove it I don’t think I go less then like 60 but once in a blue moon. My last few A1C’s have been in the mid 7’s to low 8’s without testing I don’t think thats too bad. Again though its not a recommended way to manage it I’d rather do it my way then test all day long. It really bothers me to see the numbers especially high. I lived most of my life with diabetes without testing and never even been hospitalized for anything though when I was on 2 injects of NPH only I was a mess for a while. I only tested regularly for a short while when I was put on MDI about a decade ago. Once I learned the carb count system I slowly stopped testing.

ALL of us struggle with diabetes. From us with diabetes to our friends & family we all struggle with the disease. Some days are better than others but not everyday is a good day. That’s ok. It’s important for me to surround myself with people who are caring, loving & supportive. So on my bad days they are there to lift me up. Hang in there and you have joined a wonderfule support system of people who care. If you ever need anything swing by my page or drop me an email.

Andrea B.

Okay, it’s time for you to control the diabetes and stop letting it control you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s better to have a victory party than a pity party.You’re not the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last.It’s time to gain back you life.Winners never quit and Quiters never win! When the going gets tough then the tough get going!

Do you think thoughs words sound harsh ? Well maybe,but thoughs are the words I told myself to get me going.

Waiting for a cure ,don’t hold your breath! The bottom line ,you’re the one responsable for your well being not the doctor,not your friends and not anyone but you.

I would rather live like the May fly.Born in the morning ,flies to it height by noon in one burst of glory and is gone by the evening;than to hide away for life.

You can’t guess at BG levels you got to use the meter. It’s our life line. It is the only way to gage your sugar level.Your A1c might not be “all that bad.” but you can do better.

Stop using your diabetes for an excuse. Get out of the house and start living.

My diabetes is my motavation for living. I don’t take one moment for granted .I’m going for the gusto. Life is for the living ,so start living .