Now what?

Well, 10 days into the treatment of the gout, and my feet are find, my knees are killing me, but that’s the arthritis and the weather. But just as I get my numbers to an even place…pre-gout----now they go up high and I don’t get it.

Okay, so the arthritis causes pain, pain causes stress, stress causes release of horror-mones to deal with it…higher numbers.

I haven’t been eating dinners as Bill has been working at 7:00 and our schedules just haven’t matched and well, poor excuses but I just hate fixing meals for just me.

I haven’t been swimming cause of the gout and possible slipping, I now have a funny looking big toe and a hole in my toe nail, that causes me to question whether I should or should not be in a pool right now…checking with foot doc today.

I am depressed I know that, been here done that for too long, I just want out of this for a while, like a respite (no one need write me with phone numbers, I’m okay) I need to get out of town, there is no money, kids changed the date of the wedding, and I’m still not sure we can travel that far. Most beloved dog (whose presence in my life, saves me) has a big growth on his side, and I’m scared to death to lose him…money for taking care of it, depression for not taking care of it.

I’m just wondering, GOD, is there ever an end, when you get to sail through the day and think WOW!!! This was a great day? I’ll take one if there is one out there — won’t keep it, just need one…a vacation, a shopping trip, a healthy beagle, and good numbers. Just a small price, God, come on, give me a break!