Pain that doesn't come from the diabetes

This has absolutely nothing to do with diabetes other then the fact that I can not maintain control while being a victim of parental terrorism.

Tonight I am truly at the end of my rope. I am trembling, my sugars have skyrocketed, I feel nauseous and my jaw is so clenched I can't even take a decent drink. I have been fighting for custody of my two daughters for about a year now. I moved away from San Diego and since the day I announced it, their mother has made it her mission to destroy my relationship and completely control them. After Christmas I decided I had enough and I presented a stipulation saying that I just want to have them on vacations and want this to stop. It is clearly affecting the girls as much as, if not more, than me. Mom, and I use that term loosely, proceeded to request that the courts only allow me to call my daughters at 9:30pm on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. How can this happen you ask? I don't know. I have only connected with my daughters 3 times since they left for her house after Christmas. They are completely afraid to speak to me, to be honest about their feelings, or anything. She bought the oldest a new cell phone, restricted her from using the one I have provided for 4 years, and decided that she will have to forward every text from me to her email. She reads all of her texts and has taken her phone away for a week frequently.

Today was the proverbial nail when I received a court motion to completely discontinue any contact with my daughters. It included no facts, no evidence or anything. She contends the girls are depressed and suffering because she "believes" I am pressuring them to move to my house. I PROPOSED THE STIPULATION GIVING UP MY REQUEST FOR CUSTODY and solely for the girls emotionally. I had 50% custody of them when I lived in San Diego, I raise my son from another marriage full time, and have provided 10 letters of reference to my character and the situation.

I truly do not understand how this can happen. How can I spend all of this time and money over the past year to be stripped of my parental rights? How can a system that claims to do everything in the best interest of the children refuse to speak up and address reality? It is merely a game for attorneys. Whoever plays better wins. Why won't a therapist or childs' attorney speak up? Is it just about the money anymore? They figure that I am just one case and then I am gone, but they have to perpetuate their jobs and salaries so they can not afford to stand up and be bold and state the truth. Hey, I will be gone soon but they have to get referrals and deal with each other regularly. How is it that dead beat dads, abusive dads, criminal dads, even addicts are allowed to spend time with and parent their father when I am not even allowed to text my children?

This site is my solace and I appreciate the opportunity to get even the littlest bit of frustration off my chest.

Know that when a child is denied access to a parent there will come a day when that child will look the parent who is denying them access in the eye and hate them for it.

Oh Todd, that’s horrible. The pain & frustration! Unbelievable that you’re denied any contact with your girls.

Pauly’s right. They will learn the truth. How old are your daughters? Too long of a story to write & it would sound like a bad soap opera, but my nephews went through hell with their mother (& I use that term loosely also). This she-devil attempted to poison them against their father & nearly succeeded. Was proud of my brother-in-law that he didn’t strangle her.

My parents divorced when I was young & I know the ugliness.

P.S.

There are a lot of CA members here. Chances are there’s someone who’s an attorney, or knows someone who might be able to help. Worth a shot.

Thanks! Pauly, that is a great quote!

Has anyone suggested or accomplished the act of appointing a guardian ad litem for the kids? These are neutral attorneys that represent the interests of the children only. I am not a product of divorce so I can’t pretend to totally understand what’s going on but, having been a legal secretary in my past life, I know there are ways to protect the children from some of these abuses.

It strikes me that they could not have taken away your rights without first having a hearing. Did you get any notice of this. I don’t know CA either, but I can say that it sounds highly irregular to take away your parental rights without a hearing of the case.

Good luck to you.

LoisL

The courts actually appointed minors’ counsel but she has yet to do anything. She’s met them once and hasn’t even filed a single statement. The hearing is March 2, so I guess I’ll know soon enough.

Todd, if you can’t get an attorney to help you out, check the phone book for CASA. It’s a child’s advocacy group that hopefully has an office in your area. The advocate for the child, rather than either side of the issue. They report to the judge, not the parent or second party. And then you can have an attorney represent you also…CASA is a free service for your kids, and you wouldn’t be saddled with that expense…your attorney would be working for your best interests…Many times you can get a probono attorney too…which you might want to check with the justice system in your area, they can recommend someone to you that works with family services.

I know this is very hard, very tough on you. I hear your pain. Yet, when you get those little girls, you are going to have to be in top health…so remember to take care of you also, that will work in your favor.

Unfortunately, the courts still mainly side with the moms. It’s worth finding a tough lawyer that is willing to fight for fathers rights. Stick to your guns and fight hard. It took us a few years and a boat load of money, but we won custody of my step daughter. Your situation sounds just like what we went through. All she wanted was to control her ex, had nothing to do with her daughter. Find someone to help you and fast.

Todd, I am so sorry this is happening to you… HUGS All I can see is, you have a good support system here… Hang as tough as you can, and keep fighting… Your girls are worth it. Heck, you could even present evidence of these kinds of actions on her part that she’s not a fit parent. Like others have said, get a tough lawyer. CASA is an excellent place, too.

Todd, I’m so sorry to hear about the struggle and the emotional turmoil that it causes for you and your daughters. I hope that the hearing in March brings better news!

Keep us posted!

I have 5 - I am currently raising them on my own, and the one one thing I do not tolerate is any person speaking ill of their father in their presence. I say this not to to show how great I am but to prove that Pauly is right on the money. I am so strict about this because I grew up with my father publicly ridiculing my mother to his friends in front of me and my Mother never once speaking against him. In the end the respect has gone where it is due but I also learned something else from my mother… forgiveness. I can only hope that my Children learn the same from me as their father has started a “campaign against mom” recently.
On a more helpful note: CASA is a wonderful organization, I agree, but if they do not have a chapter in your area, look into United Way’s help line - tell them what you need and likely they will have resources specific to your needs in your area, and keep calling over n over till you find what you need. Ask specifically for groups that sipport and fight for and with Fathers. And above all else, from this daughter who wishes her Dad had not … NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!!!

TODD
i understand, I went through something simular with my 2 boys years ago. All I can say is now my boys have a strong relationship with me and not so much their mom. hang in there