everyone knows tight control is important for any diabetic and at least the women here know that it has to be even more controlled (at least as much as possible) during pregnancy. so i’m working on it. as i’ve mentioned before, for the readings on my meter (which i know only tell about a quarter of the story) it does appear that my a1c will be lower than the last, though only time and a trip to the endo will truly tell.
the downfalls of all of this preperation are as follows:
an increased number of sneaky little lows. i know that 66 (my fasting reading this morning) isn’t the lowest of the lows that people here have dealt with, but it still makes me feel awful…actually it also gives me some sort of weird clarity too…but that’s another post. these lows creep up most often when i sleep and the only imediate tell tale sign for me is that my hands go dead asleep which actually makes it very difficult to test in the first place. i fumble for a test strip i can’t really feel or seem to get a proper grip on and once i finally get it out of the bottle and feed it to my waiting meter i spend a fair amount of time shaking out my chosen hand to get enough blood into my fingers for a good sample. so far i’ve been able to treat these lows without any assitance, but i worry that as my conrol increases this will become more difficult to do. my fiance is in the military. he will be sent overseas next year. i’m honestly very afraid of him being gone not only beacause i worry about him, but because i worry about me as well. i will be living alone when he’s gone and if i have a low i can’t treat by myself i don’t know what i’d be able to do. i could always keep my phone next to me (which i do anyway, just in case) and call the EMTs, but then, how would they get into my apartment without a key? it seems to be a tricky situation that i have yet to find a solution to, but at least i still have time to work it out.
that guilty feeling over high readings. when i see a number over 200 (which, thankfully, is becoming a rarity) i feel an instant sense of guilt and anger. i know that even if i’m the most perfect diabetic ever born i cannot expect all of my readings to reflect the effort i’ve put in. my insulin pump can’t account for stress or illness or figure out why, for the life of me, no matter what i do with my insulin, i always have an obnoxious spike in my blood sugar after eating crab rangoon (not that i plan on giving it up, but i do only eat it about once a month now). all i can do it continue to test and adjust, but there will still continue to be annoying little spikes in my readings. but i get mad at myself for not doing better. if i was pregnant now i would be letting my baby down and be putting us both at risk. s/he’s going to have enough to overcome without mommy bouncing blood sugars all over the board. it’s a vicious cycle though. i see that number, get mad about it, my body starts going into stress mode, and even with insulin i’m sometimes right back where i started.
now to something a little more encouraging…
the benefits of preparing for baby
i’m making better chioces most of the time. (really, who can do it all of the time anyway?) the more i start to prepare, the more i go into “i’m going to be a mother” mode. i’m starting to adapt the thought process that i am infact having a child and start to think as if i’m already pregnant. is this food good for us? i went to the store yesterday an instead of buying chips to snack on while i worked at the computer, i bought baby carrots and sour cream to dip them in. i should really go out for a swim… trying to get fit and reduce my insulin intake. more and more of my actions are being influenced by the child waiting to be concieved.
holding a healthy, happy newborn in my arms, the greatest reward i could ever ask for.