Yesterday I spent the better part of an afternoon at a research center, testing devices used for the application or a uniquely male oriented drug. I am prevented by a confidentiality agreement from discussing too much of what happened, or the company sponsoring the test. But I think I can relate some of the overall experience. It was a bit different.
This particular trail was to study an application system not an actual product. In this case there was a large package marked do not let women or children touch this product and as many similar products this one was designed device was made to be on the on the male body. Also the itsm was a placebo it did not contain an active drug. That is what I knew as I arrived at the testing center.
The first step in this 4 hour process was an interview. In my case the interview was rather long. I was asked about 50 questions, including what sort of medicine I am taking. When I pulled out my list it was about the size of a small novel. The lady taking the information left and retrieved 13 forms. And said we would be there for a long , long time. As we discussed the pros and cons of the various drugs, we focused mostly on if I could read. Not read English as much as just read. One of her final questions was if I could understand English. This seemed more than obvious. So I remarked no. This was a mistake. It nearly got me dismissed from the program after an hour investment. After several minutes of me convincing her I could understand English we discussed if I could read English. Yes I could, I had made my mistake so I was wiser now. Jokes were not appreciated or at least my humor was not.
At the conclusion of the interview I needed to be seen by the doctor for the study. This doctor was wise and he wished to go over all facts. For instance we could agree that I could stand. We agreed I could sit. We agreed that I could wash my hands. We never confirmed he could do those things, but then came the moment of truth. I needed to remove my shirt so he could expose a particular part of my body to a detailed examination. The magnifying glass might have been a bit much. The doctor did seem to enjoy his job. Me on the other hand, not so much.
Upon passing the physical I was informed that the doctor had placed me on a particular therapy because, my body was not producing near enough well maybe hair. I had no idea the males body could yield such information, but well he did peer in an unspecified area and he was very interested.
Upon being told I was being placed on a therapy regiment I was told a script had been called in for me. I needed to approach the pharmacy, (a counter was marked pharmacy) where I was told I would need to wait at least one hour. Waiting seemed inordinately long since of course this was a fake pharmacy, I was the only person there and I was not to receive any actual medicine. Thank goodness my new found friend (the doctor) had called in my prescription to the fake pharmacy manned by the intake staff member. I had no idea they were using pharmacists to ask about English these days but such was life. So I left. It seemed like the right idea at the time.
About one hour later I returned and was told my prescription was not yet ready. Seems the pharmacy had experienced some delay, this despite the fact that the pharmacy contained a sign reading kitty for a good home. It was a homey touch. But this is a pharmacy employed one person had no drugs and served no real patients. Oh and apparently this pharmacy had apparently the slowest possible telephone line that went across a three foot hallway.
The rest of the afternoon included the test, as I said I am sworn to not reveal any part of the test, but I think I can say that the two way mirror on law and order must be very intimidating. The last time enjoyed gazing in one, I was, well let’s say I was just as uncomfortable.
How was I selected for such duty? Well I volunteered. I often do for medical research when I find it and while this one was not strictly up my alley it was fun, interesting and different. Di I help anyone? Well I helped myself I earned some money, had some fun and hopefully someday they will invite me back for more fun like yesterday. I do after all enjoy a good time. Now about that sense of humor, yeah they do not have one.
You have to love a good time on a Tuesday afternoon. I do suggest that if you ever get a chance you should do medicine a favor and find a product, drug, device test. It might be fun and you might find a doctor take an inordinate amount of time looking at a peculiar place above the waist, below the neck and attached to the arms (which because of a confidentiality agreement I cannot mention directly). Yeah now that is a good time.