Questions about 16 year old son, job, college

Type 1 and LADA
21

Ah, to be 16 again... NOT! Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt!

My two cents: I would have died of mortification and secretly found a new job if my mom had ever decided to talk to my boss(es)!! A first job is nerve-wracking enough to try to present yourself as mature and responsible enough to have been a good hiring choice, having a parent jump in would, well, maybe work for other kids, but I would have died on the spot. I've had a wide range of jobs- everything from the typical babysitting gigs, to working on a fishing boat, to delivering mail, to my current job of pushing paper across a desk all day. While the fishing boat was a dumb move (for a lot of reasons, not just D-wise), in every job since I was 12 I made the decision of when and how much to tell, and because its MY health, and MY job, and ultimately MY neck on the line I think I do (and have always done) a pretty good job of weighing the pros and cons of what and who to tell. It also sounds like (from reading your responses to other comments) that while his numbers aren't always predictable or well-behaved, he's treating them as necessary, which is really the important part. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, and leave it up to him to decide when/if to tell.

For what its worth, I think in every situation where I've had a "formal" statement prepared, something comes up earlier/differently that I prepared for and I get to instead have an easy natural, organic conversation disclosing my diabetes, so all the worry that went into my carefully prepared statements was all for naught. I think the last one was when I threw away a food wrapper, then dug it back out the trash to get the nutrition info off of it, which is apparently an unusual activity but a good conversation starter... "Oh, I'm digging in the trash because I need the carb count off this wrapper; any idea how many servings are in these M&Ms? No? Me neither but I'm diabetic and this is the only way I can dose my insulin even half-way right." Or "Sure, my pedometer says today I've walked 20 units. No, not miles, units, but that's because its not a pedometer its actually an insulin pump". Stuff like that.

As for the college application, I wouldn't check the "disability" box on the application, nor would I say anything at interviews (unless its part of the answer to a question- great challenges, etc). My personal stance is similar to yours, I'm NOT disabled, and I want to be seen and compared as a person, not a disability. I would also be devastated if I found out that I was only accepted somewhere because I was disabled/diseased/different. I would (and did) introduce myself to the health center on campus when I got to my chosen college, and told either roommates or neighbors and RAs at least the basic version in case of disaster, but that would all be long after acceptance.

And it might depend on the school, but I'd be amazed if checking the disability box actually garnered more financial aid. I work for public university currently, and the version they tell us is that like hiring employees, you can't discriminate admissions-wise on the basis of age, gender, race etc, and as far as aid goes, most is handed out based on income (FAFSA results). Scholarships are different, as long as you meet their qualifications (red head studying butterflies in order to create world peace) they can award to anyone who fits the criteria, but I doubt that unless there were a real tie that discolosing D would make a material difference. On that note though, you (or your son) can always call a school's Financial Aid office and see if they can give you an idea of wither there are any scholarships or additional aid for "disabled" folk, or even call the Office of Admissions and ask what they do with the demographic info and if it can hurt or help in any way to disclose up front.

22

Well for lack of something to do other than get in the fray on a early Tuesday morning, Her is my take on this issue,:

1. Should you directly intervene with the boss, not this is his job and he has to make his way, it is part of growing up, both with D and as a human being. This is his deal.

2. Should he disclose? Yes, look he is a minor and kids need to understand if you are working and you need medical treatment, you cannot just let it lay. He needs to tell the boss so an emergency plan is in place and if he doesn't he would need to sacrifice the job. Now I know folks will say well he does not have to disclose and they are right he does not. But, as a parent you are ultimately responsible for his wellbeing and I feel strongly that if he is to work especially in a physically demanding job he would have to disclose if he were my son.

It is no different than brain injury and my kid. My son had a job suffered a concussion and still want to work. Well ok so the doctor released him provided he took certain precautions. One precaution was breaks. He needed X number. Well he did not want to tell the boss. Well look I cannot have a 16 year kid at work that might collapse and do some serious damage to him or others and have him not tell his boss. He is still my responsibility. ok when he was 18 and graduated he could decide, but not before. The consequence of not telling is he cannot work.

It is the same deal my parents had with me as a 17 year old diabetic and in short order it paid off. I had a low at work, blah blah blah and I ended up in the ER. Since I had told, I was not fired for being intoxicated. Instead I got treatment and a good talking too abotut he cirtical reasons my supervisor has to now if I feel low.. Look he is 16 to me it is not even a question, of course he has to tell and if he doesn't that is fine he cannot work and if not working then the things that go along with work, a car someday etc all don't happen. Let’s remember this is not a livelihood it is a part time job. You are still supporting him; you get to call the shot.

So how to do it, tell him he has x days to tell the boss and if not he will not go to work. Do you trust himt o tell the boss under those circumstances? That is up to you, you can demand the boss’s signature on a piece of paper etc. or you can trust him. I trusted my kid with the brain stuff. He told me he told the boss, fine issue settled. He did not and it nearly cost him his job when he fainted at work and it all came out. The supervisor was furious. Fair enough, if he got fired it would have been a learning experience. When times got tough he asked I come to work and talk this was his supervisor. Nope, that is your issue, he told me a lie and not followed my rules he must suffer the consequences. Again this was his to work out. Oh he was going to sue. Nope good grief it was a PT job.

But bottom line I would have made it a condition of employment at my house. You want to be 28 and not my responsibility, fine go ahead and not tell, it is a foolish practice but go ahead. I won’t him bail out at 28 either. You want to be 16 and not tell you don't work. Sorry house rules. That was my house rule and it saved my life one evening.

Point 2, in this day and age if he has insulin at work or testing equipment, he can fall under suspicion of doing something illegal and get fired for not doing his job and he will never know what happened. Oh I test in the men's room? BS, if he is testing or injecting someone knows. Kids don't get a second chance in these jobs, Oh I know righteous indignation they can’t do that, That is all correct, except this is a part time job, if he got fired tomorrow for being a diabetic would you litigate to get his job back? No of course not. Getting a 4 hour a day $10 an hour job back is not worth the hassle. He gets fired, he is fired. I suspect he don't want that and neither do his parents.

The biggest misconception is that people do not hire because you are diabetic, trust me in 90% of all cases, people do or do not get hired for way bigger reasons than being diabetic, and one of those reasons is that the employer feels the employee is withholding something in the interview. Again 90% of all employers know they will never discriminate based on Diabetes, it is way too expensive to flaunt the law like that.

Disclose diabetes or not, this is not even a close call in my mind.

3. College stressor. Diabetes will not be his biggest stressor in college. Women (mine), grades, work, those will be his stressors, and diabetes will not be his main stressors. Do you tell or not? Heck yes you tell early and often. He will be entitled to certain extended periods to test if he wants them. These were not available to me and no way would I have used them anyway. I was hard headed. But look not telling is the same gig, you want to get expelled, show up intoxicated at class. Easy out.

Oh and use diabetes to try to get out of jam in college ? Yeah that will and should not cut much slack. Hey when I was doing doctorate work and was traveling to FL for classes, I had to go see the professor and give him my med list etc. Why? I was in FL for goodness sakes, and if I went low in class and got carted off and could not speak for myself someone needed to have my med list to hand the EMT's.

Who do I trust with that? The woman I sit with who happened to never complete the program or the prof? Yeah not even close. Oh and no my mom did not tell me to give the prof the list. She didn't have to; because it was house rules that when I got my first job 3 months after Dx, I had to tell my boss. House rules set a tone.

ok, so I know I have not expressed much sympathy for this business of not telling. I guess I am strange I tell early and often in almost all social circumstances. Hey if people don't want me 'because I have D' do I think they really want to be around me anyway? heck no. Get it out of the way early. Diabetes such a big part of me that if didn't tell who would they be hiring? Not me, that is for certain.

Good luck.

rick

23

thanks for your reply I love the comment no its not a pedometer its an insulin pump!! and no I will not be having anything to do with his boss! this is his call, he hasn't disclosed yet, I am sure it will come out organically as you suggest. he is handling himself appropriately. I do feel this is a huge step for him and that this will set the stage for success in college. of course for safety sake I think he should disclose but he seems to be handling things fine and has never had a low he couldn't handle so I am going with faith that Jacob will make the right decisions if I didn't trust this I would really loose sleep and my mind! although for now at night I am around to see how things are running and offer extra food or less insulin if warranted his working a physical job has impacted his morning blood sugars. thanks and blessings, amy

24

hey rick, so glad you are doing better thanks so much for your thoughts! it seems you have a solid opinion on this! so far so good for my boy, funny he has had more stress with his job offering him a cashier position than with dealing with his D. He thinks it would be super stressful being a cashier and would rather bag and get carriages, something to be said for the mindfulness of simple work! he is bit introverted like me. so this has been a tough transition for him hours away from his computer ect! but he is growing and I got some smiles out of him after his long 'work weekend!. blessings and speedy recovery to you, amy

25

I am so glad about your son doing well. i hope he keeps going at full speed. Yes I do have a big opinion on this issue. I guess it was handed down form my mom, (heck I don't know) But when ever she went into he world she was completely open. For better or worse it certainly impacted me a lot.

As you cna no doubt tell.

LOL

rick

26

I'm a sophomore in college. I didn't tell my bosses about my diabetes at any job, but they all figured it out when they saw me testing. If I needed to go have a snack or something, I asked if I could take a 5 minute break and the answer was always yes. I worked for very reasonable people, though. I worked in retail at a high-volume department store and sometimes went low from scurrying around looking for things, so I usually carb-loaded before work.

As far as college goes, I put my diabetes under the additional info part of the common app. I explained that I was out of school for 2 weeks my freshman year which severely impacted my grades, and I also talked a bit about some of the side effects that can make it hard to get good grades. Diabetes makes you very self-aware and responsible, blah blah blah, aka the silver lining and how it made me a better person. I had all B's (probably also a result of ADD) and somehow got into an elite university. I'm doing very well on my own, and my college does not know about it. I'm not registered with SDS (student disability service), but I would have no problem doing so if I had an annoying, non-accomodating professor. In my mind, diabetes is not a special consideration or a disability, only a mild annoyance. I play sports, stay out late and go to parties, pull all-nighters in the library, rushed a sorority, etc. Diabetics are no different than any other person and it is important that your son is 100% independent before he goes off to school.

27

leah thank you so much for your honest input, I love hearing how others are doing so well, we mothers just worry a little! lol! I like your idea of carb loading a bit for work, Jacob tends to do less insulin the meal before his shift and less for his food that he has at break. this seems to be working out well it is interesting how active work related activity can use up a lot of glucose! but it seems to be working well for him. good luck with the rest of college! amy

28

I have successfully used melatonin for sleep without any problems. As far as the college thing, it can be an advantage. Though, I would not say it is a disability since the lows are what make us disabled just during the times that they occur. Most people just need some basic education and you will find that they are helpful. I felt less introverted when I was asked to share about my diabetes in nursing school. I found that most people were very curious and very supportive. By nature they ask questions. I just found that getting over the initial "I have Type 1" with everyone, it made life a lot easier. I also have a DAD that draws a lot of attention. The more comfortable I am with my diabetes, the easier it is to share with others and the easier it has been to treat. Don't get me wrong. There are those who have a stigma with it, but for the most part as diabetics we teach people how to treat us. If we treat it as a "normal" thing, then those around us will too. Best wishes.......

29

thanks so much for your thoughts, your DAD resembles our dog, although she does not have any special gifts, she is a comfort to all of us though! I agree with everything you said, a weight was lifted from Jacobs shoulders when he shared with his new high school friends about his D, of course the did not judge and one of them shows some genuine concern for his well being. one said I think kiddingly hmmmm do you have type 1 or type 3 unless it was pure ignorance I thought it was kind of an ice breaker!

30

I have always disclosed my diabetes at a job-site, after being hired. I just say 'I want people to know in case I need assistance' and leave it at that unless they have questions. Where I am right now everyone is very supportive and want to learn more and think my CGM and pump are awesome technology, so it's not awkward or weird at all.

As far as financial aid - I don't think diabetes counts as something that MOST university's will give more financial aid for. There are a few scholarships out there for T1Ds though...

31

While I don't want to activate the maternal fear response, I should add my experience that some, smaller employers will occasionally prevent 911 from being called. I have seen them bully teenage, and younger college age employees to prevent them from calling 911. Down the road, If he finds a friend, at work, thats his age and whos judgment he trusts, he could put that friend in charge on calling if theres ever an emergency. I only mention it because, in college, my boss refused to call 911 when I was unconscious, due to fears that I would file a workmans comp claim. My friend called anyway and reassured my boss that I had private insurance. It wasn't due to a diabetes related issue, so let me put your concerns at ease. As an EMT, I once had an 18 year old pt. get told, by his boss, that he would be fired if he went to the hospital via ambulance. That put him in a bad situation, but his friend called us after he got hit in the head pretty bad and started vomiting. I am careful about who I work for, for that reason. Its nice to work for someone who will advocate for you if your injured or unconscious on the job. Not all of them do. But, usually kids have a friend that they work with and trust on the job.

32

Honestly, I would think that an employer who refuses to call 911 can be sued for THAT, not for workman's comp.... if someone needs 911, they need 911. Refusing to call could harm them further. And firing someone for taking an ambulance? Wrongful termination! There can be a lawsuit there as well (and an unemployment check). Those just sound like stupid people who shouldn't be running companies....

33

I agree. I really wish they would get sued more often. It is against the law. People don't always have very good motives, its good to remember that. It used to really surprise me. Now I expect it.

34

Hi Amy,
My name is Alex. I’m 26 and have had diabetes for 23 years. I know it’s a matter of opinion, but I would STRONGLY recommend that Jacob tell his boss that he has diabetes. If (knock on wood) something were to happen and Jacob has a low episode at work that he doesn’t treat in time, and his coworkers don’t know that he has diabetes, it could get very dangerous very fast. I’ve had a few bad lows in public before where I was hallucinating, incoherent and totally by myself. Once, when i was around 19, I was trying to buy a soda at a gas station, but I was so low I couldn’t understand the key pad on the card machine. The cashier thought I was drunk and tried to kick me out until I started yelling that I was diabetic and shoving my medic alert bracelet at him. So, I guess what I’m trying to convey with that story is its important for other people to know Jacob is diabetic in case of emergencies. I would also highly recommend that Jacob keep Glucagon at work with him and make sure every manager he has to work with knows what it is and how to use it. When I started the job I currently have, I took all of my managers aside and explained that I have diabetes, yes I have it mostly under control, but there are times when I might need them to help me deal with an emergency. That hasn’t happened yet, but they understand now if I tell them I need to go home because I have a migraine from a low blood sugar or I can’t come into work today because my blood sugar is so high that I spent the morning puking. These are rare occurrences, but I made it clear to my bosses how serious they are and they all respect that.

With respect to college, it sounds like Jacob doesnt want to be treated differently because he has diabetes, so why make the school think its a disability? That will guarantee different treatment. Someone above posted that there are scholarships for diabetics. I would pursue that route to get extra money for college, rather than asking the school for special treatment. Besides, diabetes teaches a person a great many things about responsibility, maturity, how to handle emergencies, and nutrition. Those things all look good on a college or scholarship application.

I’ve never tried melatonin for sleep. But I have to wonder why he is having trouble sleeping. Is it his overnight blood sugars? Stress? too much caffeine? He did just start a new job on top of school, so the stress might be affecting his sleep. I know for me, the absolute best way to ensure a good nights sleep is exercise. The more I exercise, the better I sleep. Actually, all aspects of my life are better when I get regular exercise. Blood sugars, stress levels, sleep habits, appetite, you name it and exercise helps. Does Jacob play any sports or do marching band? Those things help with having good numbers, plus they look good on college applications.

I wish you and Jacob the best of luck! I’m here to talk if either of you need it.

Love,
Alex

35

Wondering about melatonin. I note that Jacob's mom noted that depression runs in the family. A "less common" side effect can be short term depression.

I just checked mayoclinic about melatonin and below are the side effects they note. I understand, of course, that some can take it with no side effects. I am not trying to discourage its use but I am interested for myself as I have trouble sleeping at night and prefer to research all the implications first.

The most common melatonin side effects include:
Daytime sleepiness
Headaches
Dizziness

Other, less common melatonin side effects might include abdominal discomfort, mild anxiety, irritability, confusion and short-lasting feelings of depression.

In addition, melatonin supplements can interact with various medications, including:
Blood-thinning medications (anticoagulants)
Medications that suppress the immune system (immunosuppressants)
Diabetes medications

I need to find out more about its interaction with diabetes medications. I wonder if that refers to oral agents only. Or would it apply to insulin dosages as well?

I wonder if there is a melatonin thread here?! And, we know how the search goes so I won't even try it.

36

Hi alex, thank you so much for your input! I agree about the diabetes thing at work but have been learning to step back and let him lead, have been hoping it would come up in conversation with someone but not yet. He is very in tune with himself and has never had a low that he couldn't deal with himself of course when he was younger I was much more involved and still am although he wishes I wasn't! He wears a fitbit and at work he does carriages and bags he averages about 5-8 miles and often eats light without bolusing usually this works for him sometimes he is a bit high, but he is learning what works for him. He has taken a renewed interest in lifting weights as well and our biggest issue lately is him remembering ( me reminding and offering extra food when he doesn't) on days that his is really active, as he has been having more morning lows due to the activity. He isn't really involved in school activities which I am afraid will hurt him with regards to colleges, not sure why that is such a big deal, when you go to apply for a job do they care if you are playing sports or volunteering at the church!! anyways what will be will be he is an awesome student and very motivated, he has been rereading the 7 healthy habits of teens again and has made a list of 10 goals that almost brought me to tears. I just still worry that his teen thinking process makes him act quickly especially at night with his bolus choices this is now the only time I worry about him and really trust his decision making away from home. oh and the sleep thing is better, less worry with new job and more exercise as you suggest! thanks and best wishes to you! amy

37

Hi Neil, interesting, on melatonin, my sister who has been trying it for her autistic daughter, came across a side effect of high blood sugar this is not the case for him, he rarely takes it now as I think his sleep issues were more related to starting a new job or anything new, he didn't seem to have side effects when he was using it he did have a random low in the am the other morning after taking it but I do not think it was related. oh and the depression this I worry about this as it is in the family but he is doing well just the normal occasional teen grumpiness! thanks for your input! Amy

38

Interesting. I wouldn't have guessed.

39

withholding this information can be grounds for dismal. He must tell his boss. It maybe too late already. He should understand that there are laws to protect him and allow him to take care of himself in the event he has a low. Do not talk to his boss. Leave it to your son. If he really wants his independence he will have to learn from his mistakes as well as the positive things. The disability act is something you should both learn about, as soon as possible. His sleep could be from his stress about diabetes. the fact that he didn't tell his boss says a lot about his attitude about his Diabetes. I tried melatonin and it worked for a while, but it is not long term. I had to give it up