Rant and sad and crushed

So this doesn’t have too much to do with D - well, it does because it brings back bad memories of my D diagnosis and it hurts.

Just found out that the ex has a new gf and the new gf is 10 years younger than him (and me!). Someone of you might have read my story of my dx before and it was not a good one - not that I almost died or anything but that lots of crappy stuff happened to me around that time.

This is the ex I was with (living with) when I was diagnosed with D and he was not supportive at all! He THINKS he was but he wasn’t in the way I needed him to be. He basically started to avoid me after I found out which is easy to notice if you live together. He stopped coming to bed at night and slept downstairs on the couch, went over to his friends house more. Everytime I asked him about it, he would say “I thought you would want to be alone.” What? Why would I want to be alone? I was scared and didn’t know what to do - I couldn’t even sleep the whole week afterwards. Mostly from being scared and probably half from uncontrolled blood sugars going crazy.

I had no money, no insurance and no way to pay for this. I didn’t even understand what to do. Did he help? No. He wanted to avoid the subject and I wanted someone to talk to about it and he didn’t even try. What he did was try to tell me what he would do if he were me and the attitude was basically “suck up it and deal it with it so I don’t have to know about it and it can go back to the way it used to be.” (not that what it used to be was that great anyhow).

On top of that, I had found out a few weeks earlier that I needed surgery on my cervix for precancerous cells - was he supportive about this either? help me out? NO! All he wanted was to not hear about it. (I won’t even go into the allergic reaction to an antibiotic I had two weeks before I was dx’d that put me in the ER - was he worried about me? NO!)

I honestly felt so rejected, scared and alone. How horrible that if you live with someone and can’t even count on them for any love or support or sympathy. He made me feel sick, damaged, broken and OLD!

Bad enough that all these problems but I had turned 40 last year. Now I don’t know about anyone else hear but 40 was the year I started to notice some sagging skin and more lines. They just sort of magically appeared over night. So I felt even worse - I was sick and I was getting old.

So anyway I moved out since he was not helping me and making me more stressed than I already was. I moved back home and parents helped me. And of course, he was all upset that I moved - Well, what the hell did you expect me to do? You wouldn’t help me - I HAD to do something.

So, I had to deal with many changes around that time and alot of stress. It is now almost a year later (Dx Feb 26, 2010) and even though my d is under control and the ex and I were going to TRY to be friends. This news just brought it all back for me. Why you ask? Because to me, with this new girlfriend being 10 years younger than me (and NOT sick like me), just enforces it even more of how broken down, sick and old I felt at the time. In fact, to him, I must have been so horrible that of course he had to go out and find someone 10 years younger. And why is that? Because I think my health scared made him realize that HE is OLD too (he is only a year older than me) and now he is doing everything he can not to be around that. I mean, it was pretty obvious from how he reacted when I got sick how he wanted nothing to do with it.

Even worse, he thinks I should want to meet this girl - What? Why would I want to do that? So I can be reminded of that fact that you are avoiding being OLD because you consider me OLD and BROKEN because I got sick and you didn’t want to face it (how him faceing it would be hard I don’t know - I was the one who went through it). So you can hurt me by flaunted your YOUNG girlfriend in my face and make me feel even worse of that fact that I am at THAT age where people get diabetes. NO WAY! Just what I need is another reminder of how bad it was and how you rejected me when I need you with the new young girlfriend who doesn’t have diabetes.

Even worse for me, I really flew off the handle when I found out (because I had to find out some other way than directly through him and I was upset about that) and I really chewed him out for the first time about how horrible he made me feel when I was dx. I reminded him of mean things he said and of course he denied saying any of them. He still thinks he was a good boyfriend. If he was, I would never have had to leave. Of course, he wants to compare what I went through to to this one year when he didn’t feel “very up to par” and that he thought he had a “virus” which is long gone- what? Are you serious? Comparing a Dx of diabetes to a little virus (which wasn’t even there - it was all in his head - no tests positive for any virus)? I don’t think so!

But oh how poison can come out of my mouth when I am mad - but honestly it was a long time coming. I had to say it. He is like “why can’t you just be happy for me?” Why should I? You never apologized for rejecting me when I was sick, you made me feel like I had the plague by avoiding me than, after a six year relationship with me, you expect me to jump up and down that you have a girlfriend who is 10 years younger than me? I am sorry but I cant’ do it - not until you admit what you did and apologize for it because I think I deserve at least that! I went through something 10 times worse than just a relationship ending which all that really happened on his end.

Me getting sick was parmount to lots of other problems which wil take me a long time to fix. Declaring bankrupcty because I put all my money into supporting him and me while he worked on projects that never went anywhere or made any money, a big job gap because I moved away with him for some plan that never worked out and left me again holding the bag to support us. Everything I had in that sphere was gone because of this relationship. But he still attests that he doesn’t owe me a dime and that he paid for our life together. I really got used and than rejected in the end. And nothing is worse that being rejected for something that wasn’t even my fault. But even that, he blamed on me. My diabetes ruined our relationship and changed it. “I just want my old girlfriend back but she is obessesed with her disease” is what he said. I will never forget this and he still denies he said. Nothing has never made me feel so damaged and unwanted before in my life.

Glad you got this off your chest. Sorry you had to relive all that pain over again. Deeply wounding what you experienced.

Good luck to the new girfriend. No doubt he’ll treat her as badly. In a few more years, he’ll look like an idiot chasing even younger women. Celebrate that this ■■■ is out of your life.

I am so sorry that you had to go through all this cr*p. This guy is a real jerk, and you’re better off having nothing to do with him or his new girlfriend. He is NO friend of yours and never will be.
Now you have to step back and tell yourself (even if you don’t believe it) that you are NOT damaged goods – that is only the voice of depression lying to you. You are a worthwhile and valuable person, and diabetes has not changed that. It only revealed what a jerk this guy was – but actually, he was a jerk from the beginning – you just didn’t know it before diabetes. You’re better off rid of him.

Not that I know anything about guys but it sounds like he is using the disease as an excuse. I would not bother with him. I lived w/ my parents for 6 weeks last summer (I’m 43…) and can understand how you might be inclined to leap at an opportunity to go out but it sounds like the only reason this guy is lurking is around is because he wants you to give him the ok to have ‘left’, even though he will likely think ‘she moved out and left’ to continue making himself feel better. It will be hard but I would recommend rejecting his ■■■ and, if he whines, hit him with a rolled-up newspaper as hard as you can. Or maybe a golf club?

is there any reason at all to talk to him ever? if not then avoid him (But if you do meet the girlfriend you definitley need yourself a gigilo or mimbo on your arm)

take care of yourself and be well (that is the best revenge on stupid Ex’s)

Thanks guys! You made me feel better! I was sort of nervous that I was gonna get the “why can’t an older guy have a younger woman?” comments from some of men on the board but I am glad I didn’t. I also did some googling about the whole “my ex wants me to meet the new girlfriend” situation and I realize that I am making the right decision. Everyone says “Hell no!” LOL! Why bother I mean really? I was assumed that some of the supposed possible reason why he would want me to meet her: he could want to make me jealous, or show her off because she is younger than me etc. I don’t want him back so I would never be jealous but why should I put myself through the drama when there is no need to meet her? Ugh. And I have seen pics of her - believe me I I am better looking than she is. Let just say she is NOT his type and looks like she just crawled out of a coffin and I am wondering if this will last. I think he is, again, using her to “pay his way” as her family owns property and now they want to move to it (haha, go ahead. ugh) where he wouldn’t have to pay any rent. They just started dating so I am waiting for it fall apart. :slight_smile:

joe_h, no there is no real reasom why I would have to ever see him again other than the fact that he wants to remain friends. I have never been able to successful remain friends with an ex and I wanted that to work out time but even friends wise we don’t get along all that well in my book. He tries to be friends with his other old ex’s before me and I met one or two and they were nice but that doesn’t mean we can be friends. And even if we did, I do not see why I have to meet this new girl. I have no desire to meet her. I can honestly say if she was around my age, it probably wouldn’t bother me that much but the whole 10 years younger thing really bothers me.

Anyhow, I have been thinking further about this and I think that his whole reaction to me being sick also might have something to do with the fact that his dad died of MS was he was a teenager. The whole time we were together he was all paranoid looking for signs of it. Of course everything was fine. I noticed that his families house there are no pictures of the dad. I think this might be the mom’s doing and because I am sure it makes her sad as a widow. But I kind of wonder if he avoided his dad too when he was sick - from the stories I heard I think the mom did all the caring for him. I think my getting sick with a genetic disease (since I am not your typical Type 2 as some of you know) reminded him that no matter what you do in life (diet, exercise etc) you can STILL get something chronic like this. Now, we know that diabetes is nowhere as bad as MS. But that still doesn’t mean that you should ignore sick people because you are afraid of what that disease stands for. And I am wondering if this is what happened. He seems to run away from things like this instead of facing them - probably why he got himself a younger girlfriend (geez, did he check her family medical history I wonder?) because I think he believes that young means further away from disease - which we all know on here that is not true. Me on the other day - I face challenges head on - I might do it sloppily at first but I am pro once I master it. I kind stick my face in the fire! If I had been a Type 1 from when I was kid, I bet he wouldn’t have been interested in dating me. (he chased me not the other way around). I would hate to see what would happen if he ever really got sick.

acidrock, haha! I would smack him with something if I could - he lives in another state! But that said, I gave him the verbal beating of a lifetime! So much in so, that he didn’t answer back after my last go around! I am one of those people that won’t say anything about things sometimes when they first happen but I will not forget them and they get filed away in a folder in my mind with your name on it and than once they start building up and you do something that pushes me over the edge than BAM - you won’t know what it hit. All of the poison from the “file” comes flying out at you - haha! But hey, he had it coming! :slight_smile: I understand what you are saying though because he keeping saying he didn’t want me to leave - ■■■■■■■■, than why didn’t you act like it? Even when I told him, I was going back home, he didn’t seem very upset about it. Thinking back I think he knew his new girl when we were still together. I actually asked him about that in my last response in my e-mail where I chewed him out and he didn’t respond back. For all I know, he cheated on me with her. ugh.

I stand by this saying when it comes to guys who do stuff like this: No matter how young of a girl you date, it still won’t make YOU any younger. YOU are still getting OLDER and will one day die like the rest of us. :slight_smile:

Near impossibleto be friends with former lovers & I’ve never wanted to be. A reason he probably wanted the new & the ex to meet was to feel like the rooster in the hen house. Ego gratifying to see the sparks fly between two women as they check each other out. He’s a child.

You’re still very angry & very hurt, which is understandable. He’s still able to push your buttons. Hope he never contacts you again.

Umm your D didn’t ruien the relationship… that putz did! Yup I said it… PUTZ!!! lol