Probably not a good idea to start my first significant post as a vent session, but I’m really struggling with life right now. The diabetes: I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2008, a month before my Dad died. I did a bunch of research and read Bernstein’s material, cut out carbs, exercised and brought down my A1C by 3 points in 3 months. This was the only successful time frame of controlling my diabetes. Life exploded…survived a hellish separation for 2 years, with a divorce in January 2011. During this time I went back to work after being a stay-at-home Mom for ten years, became a single Mom of 4 kids (currently 13, 10, 8 & 6) and started my Master’s in Professional Counseling. Looking back 3 years ago, I would have thought I would be in a much better place than I am.
The economy and job market is so bad (no surprises), but now find myself having been unemployed for 3 months, having applied for essentially any job. I have completed my courses for my Master’s but am having difficulty finding a practicum/internship in the Mental Health field, which has to happen to get the degree, state licensure, etc…
And if that isn’t enough, 2 months ago I lost my dear 33-year-old niece, after her nearly 2 year journey with breast cancer. She left behind her husband and 2 daughters (5 & 3). The grief has been overwhelming. Then last week, my brother was diagnosed with liver cancer…sigh.
Of course the diabetes front is not good. The diabetes/depression connection has always been strong for me, and is worse when my glucose numbers are high….which is all the time. The realities of not having time, not caring about what I eat, and the pull of emotional eating has totally zapped my energy from a physical standpoint. The current life situations that have piled up have challenged me emotionally where I just don’t have anything extra to give anymore.
The result physically…which I don’t even what to mention here…is an A1C of 15.9. Which is insane. It’s no wonder that I feel like crap. For the first three months after diagnosis, I poured all my energy into my health. I’ve not been able to do that since that time. And I’ve not figured out how to see this as a life reality, and not just another crappy life situation.
So I’m trying to reach out a bit to those who know the challenges of diabetes and life. I’d appreciate advice on moving forward. As an almost clinician, I know some of the factors, but it gets a little skewed when it’s mixed up with your own life.
If you’ve read this far…thanks!