So, I got a definite reality check today from one of my friends…my doctors have always tried the whole scare tactic thing with me to try and get me to take my insulin and take care of myself. Now one of my friends is doing it too.
I told her about the neuropathy and the retinopathy starting and she said “do you want to go blind because that is what is going to happen.”
In some ways it was a reality check for me, but in many ways it still doesn’t faze me. I know that I could go blind and it would be sooner rather than later. It doesn’t really scare me though. Maybe I just have that much of a death wish though.
I wish that it would faze me. I wish that it was enough for me to take my insulin, but it’s just not. I don’t know what it is going to take in order to do that? I know that I need to go back in the hospital and soon. I plan on talking to my therapist about it tomorrow and see what happens. Maybe he won’t think that I need to go in. I don’t want to go, but I think that it’s the best thing for me.
Growing up we never talked about diabetes, we still don’t. My dad enables both me and my mom. When my mom is low he takes care of her now instead of me. This isn’t helping the situation though. And my dad still tells me to take my insulin. I wish that we could talk about it in a constructive manner and that things would get better with it. I know diabetes isn’t a death sentence or at least it doesn’t have to be, but I have made it into one.
Tomorrow can’t come soon enough…