Well, when I'm in my 50s I'll probably still be worrying about diabetes, and I'll have had diabetes (including "okay" but not super-tight control) for nearly half a century. That's why I worry sometimes. :\ 'Course, I try not to let it worry me, but sometimes it just creeps into the back of my mind, which I hate.
All I can say is not to worry. If you are and continue to do the best you can to take care of yourself, you will be fine. Yes, bad choices in the past can come back to bite you, but all you can do is worry about right now, be healthy now and continue on that path and you will be fine. The past is in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it, so it is worthless to worry about it and ruin the good thing you have right now.
Man, you are HARD on yourself too.... jiminy christmas.
Hand over the stick you're beating yourself with... come on, hand it over. (Holding out my hand).
You are a victim of the GHOSTS of your DIABETES PAST. Are you going to beat yourself up forever over something you cannot change? Will you hold yourself prisoner for things that cannot be altered?
The ONLY thing you or I , any of us can ever do is cope with the flames right in front of us brother. Anything more than that, WILL get you put in a padded room for real. You can fret, wring your hands, but what possible good will that do you or anybody else.
You made mistakes, try NOT to make them a second time, a third time, a forth. Stay in the here and now... anything else is not real!
Also consider this, IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE NO MISTAKES, AND STILL FAIL ANYWAY???? Is it possible for you to do every possible thing right, be the poster child of some angels and harps ideal of DIABETIC perfection (ie control)... and STILL get some complications anyway???
The answer is YES by the way.
There are no guarantees with this stuff. The good news is after about 20 years, after diagnosis most of the "complications" if they have not surfaced tend not to... no guarantee, but much seems to be genetic as well.
Whether poster child or "dia-cide" (eg slow death by actively-zealously pretending we are not), they can and do happen. Cope with right now, that's enough blessed grief for most of us, right?
Overcome... LOL... lots of people love to remind you of those "ancient ghosts", events long past, save, relive in their memories, and given kindling at family events, gatherings. All you can do is remind them, i'm over 30 now, perhaps I've changed since then (insert name), you think???
Stay in the current day, life is interesting enough, no value to stirring up ancient coals into new flames. Let em go... you might be surprised, how well things turn out. If they do not there is no help found in concentrating on long ago.
I was diagnosed at age 13...and turning 25 in august, there are still plenty of things I could be doing better. I finally got my A1C below 9, today it was 6.9 :-) There are times though where I just want to throw my hands up and pretend I'm normal...and I've done that. Curious, has anyone heard of diabulemia? I did that before I even knew what it was. Blood sugar fluctuations in hopes of weight loss is probably my biggest regret...though it worked. The health complications are scary though, and it took my own father losing vision in his right eye due to diabetic retinopathy to put me in my place.
I agree with talking to a therapist. It's called the proximity bias, you're less likely to follow someone who's close to you, then a third party, or acquaintance. Like I'll get frustrated at my boyfriend for wanting to get me out of bed early to have a healthy breakfast, but if my nutritionist suggested it, then I'd follow it without a problem. Does anyone else ever feel that way?