Scare of rejection

Well it’s been a while since I’ve dated or have like an actual relationship. And now all of a sudden I’m scare I’m gone get rejected because of Diabetes. It’s pretty hard for me to open up and trust people so I don’t even know when to bring the diabetes “thing” up. I’m scare guys in general are gone think that I’m a burden or have those common myths about diabetes like that I got it because I was not healthy or had too much sugar. When I go out on a date from time to time I unplug my pump so it’s not visible since around where I live no one since to knows what an insulin pump is and everyone asks me what it is. I really want to meet people and have a social life but I think my fears are stronger than what I want. It’s pretty scary. I really don’t know how to get over it and how to act to this.

Lalita - I remember those feelings, a long long time ago. Be proud of who you are, the person inside and outside. Diabetes or not, your are a genuine person deserving of a good, happy life. If having diabetes is the cause of rejection, then its likely the best thing to happen. Oh, your Insulin pump - here’s my favorite response: “Thats my e-pancreas, because the internal one quit on me years ago. This one has a better warranty and makes life so much better” (with a big proud smile). You have a great life ahead, follow your dreams, and the diabetes will fit into a niche along the way!!

Your a beautiful young lady. If someone was to reject you because of diabetes or your pump they most likely aren’t worth it. Be proud of yourself and who you are.

Well, if your diabetes bothers someone then they don’t deserve you. There are lots of people out there, lots to choose from. I have not run into anybody yet who has been bothered by my injections or finger poking. One boss doesn’t like needles so I steer clear of him when I need to inject, but he just doesn’t like needles in general, it has nothing to do with the diabetes.

People are just uneducated is all, they don’t understand how it works or why we have it. My mom still asks me if I need a piece of candy, no matter what, the solution is candy LOL

OMG how I remember those feelings years back. Honey the way I look at it…if he can’t accept you for who you are then he don’t deserve yo. As far as I’m concerned he don’t know what he missed. CHIN UP and don’t let ppl get the better of you!

Lalita: As a male diabetic I used to have those concerns when I went out with girls but I understood one thing. God choose for me to be a diabetic because he knew I could handle it and this is who I am. Those thoughts that you have will only affect men that are ignorant and don’t understand our condition. Keep you spirits up and be proud of who you are. I’m sure you will find someone who cares for you on the inside not for what you wear on the outside. Good Luck…

I have been there…Its hard to determine if and when to tell someone. Its hard to let your “flaw” show be known…But Laltia your looking at it all wrong…Here is what got me passed it. If I wasnt seeing a future with someone then I dont even bother, I may bring it up casually and move on. I see no point in giving it energy to the guy with an expiration date, lol…It is only a big deal if you make it one…If it is someone I feel does not have a expiration date showing then I will take the time and gradually explain it to him. Not all at once but just more in detail. If he suddenly stops calling or get too busy then he is not the man I need in my life. Diabetes is a way to get pass all the losers that come your way! See only the one who will get freaked out but does not leave and wants to know more is the keeper. Everyone freaks out at first, you cant really avoid that so just dont write everyone off who does give them a chance to prove they can handle you. Its too many misconceptioins out there. But your the woman who holds all the cards and any man will be lucky to take care of you!!!

So walk with your head held high because diabetes is not a weakness, its a strength and its a part of what makes you that much more special :wink:

Lalita - I just saw this posted on a FaceBook diabetes site…“When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible.” :slight_smile: - so true!

I totally agree with you here Rye :slight_smile:

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments. I guess that now that I’m close to turning 20 I desire good people in my life that won’t hurt me and specially someone that I can have a healthy relationship with. I’ve come to the idea that a lot of guys do get intimidated when I tell them I have diabetes, and it sucks because I always feel like the last girl being picked.

It’s also for your own safety that you tell people… You want people on your team who can help you out, and knowing about your diabetes is part of that. I lived in a sorority in college and made sure everyone I lived with knew about my type 1, just in case anything happened. When dating, it wasn’t the first thing I told a guy (I, too, didn’t want to be “defined” by my diabetes), but if I went out with him a 2nd time I would make sure he knew. Mainly looking out for myself. I wore a pump for almost two years, and most people though it was pretty cool, or at least they were nice to say so :slight_smile:

Don’t let what anyone else thinks of your pump affect you. It makes you live a better life so don’t ever feel like you should disconnect it. If someone makes a comment, they are a real loser, and are usually insecure themselves.

When I first started with my pump, I had about two or three days where I had to struggle to accept it, but I realized that if my partner was worth it, he wouldn’t ‘see’ the pump when he looked at me (and he doesn’t). In fact, when we were sitting at the pump training lesson, I was too chicken to use the Quickset infusion device, which sounds like an egg poacher, so HE did an infusion on himself first to show me it wouldn’t hurt. Afterwards, we ended up having fun with the pump, and he’s come to associate ‘special time’ with me raising eyebrows and suspending the pump (occasionally I stroke the tubing for good measure).

My point is…if the person you find is worth spending your time with, the pump won’t matter. They will try to help you out and take an interest in your care.

Hope that helps! :slight_smile:

  • Kate

Well thats where you need to start looking at it differently…You are the one doing the picking!!!..

I was diagnosed in my early twenties I was in college, partying when it tapped me on my shoulder and its hard…It was hard for me to be open about it at first and yes men are going to get intimidated, really about anything…lol…but I have dated some really good ones who took the time to learn, sneak in good food while i was in the hospital. Going with me to my endo visits. Making sure I am testing and exercising. Never leaving my side when I was in the ICU for 3 days and taking care of me after…And sometimes like I said they dont always know how they will deal until they get to know you better, but the key into finding out is how many questions they ask. If a guy seems interested in learning about you and diabetes he will ask…If you find yourself around someone who is cool as long as you dont talk about it then he is NOT the one…And if anyone tries to make you feel different in a bad way just know they are hating because they dont have anything to make them stand out…

Thank you Rye your advise makes me smile and makes me feel better since I have no one to talk to about things like this.

Thank you Kate :slight_smile:

I have always viewed as ‘this is who I am, this is what I have to deal with, and I don’t WANT to be with someone who can’t deal with me or it’, and so I always told the people I’ve dated right away. I talk about it nonchalantly to start with so they don’t freak out. If they know that I’ve accepted it and it’s just ‘normal’ for me, they’re more apt to do the same.

Please Do Not Fear Rejection! Although diabetes does not define us, it takes a lot of our time, energy, and changes our habits. If someone as a friend or boyfriend will be a part of your life, they need to know and accept it, if not, then they shouldn’t be in your life because they don’t deserve it. I broke up with my ex and am taking a break from some friends and family members because of their reactions, etc.

I started seeing someone new and although he knew about my diabetes but I didn’t disclose the dangers, how much it controls my life. Then I realized I felt like crap from highs and lows and it sucked. So I started telling him my ranges, how to use a glucagon pen, some stuff I have to deal with… not only has he been amazing and ask appropriate questions and make sure I’m feed, haha I feel better that I can be myself and know that if I am in a dangerous situation, he knows what is going on. It’s a lot of responsibility for someone you’re casually seeing so don’t do all of this until its more than a few dates… hahah

We must be taken as we are, diabetes and all!

Good luck! Keep us updated!

Having diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of. I tell anyone and everyone because I feel like people are so uneducated about it and I am bound and determined to break the silence and try to educate people. It is not a flaw just one more thing that makes you special. Keep your head up and do not let fear and rejection hold you back! God bless, Jenn.