So, I've gotten into the habit of not drawing until the food is on the table--which generally means, I start eating five minutes or so after everybody else at the table. And that's all right. I hate it when they wait for me--although I don't like it when they want me to pass food before I can eat--I mean, I need both hands to draw my insulin.
Tonight, while we were getting ready for dinner, I go in to get my insulin. I come back to the table. Mom says "Why don't you get the slotted spoon while you're up." I go and get it and bring it back to the table, with a snarky comment--something like "It's just going to make me later to dinner." So Mom says (and I know she didn't mean to be hurtful and was just making a snarky comment back) "I don't care if it takes you longer to eat."
And I burst out crying. And Dad, at the other end of the table, says something about it being hormonal (which really ticks me off, more than anything else). I get up to blow my nose, say "It's not hormonal" (well, it might have been but my glucose before dinner was 91, and I'm not having any girly-type issues at the moment--sometimes people are just upset without it being hormonal) and when he opened his mouth to say something snarky, I told him to shut up.
And then I took my insulin--probably a bit too much for the food that was on the table, and choked down some extra carb so I wouldn't go low later (even though my stomach was in knots and I didn't want it) and Mom apologized. Which set me off again.And so I tried to work out why I was upset--tried to explain it to her and to me.
It's not my fault. I don't want to have to take insulin before a meal so that everyone else finishes while I'm still drawing the blasted stuff (exaggeration--I know). I don't want them to have to wait for me. But it makes me feel like less of part of the family, anyway. And I know it shouldn't. But I wish they wouldn't ask me to "get [such and such], while you're up," especially when I've just taken my insulin and should be eating, or when I haven't taken it yet, and I'm going to have even less family time. Or when it's something I don't eat anymore. I like juice. Getting it while I'm up throwing out the wrapper on the syringe is annoying as anything.
I sound like a whining brat. I'm sorry. I wish it got easier. I'm so sick of it today.
I do love my parents. I'm not normally such an emotional wreck. Everything has just been so hard lately--from my sister's house, to my other sister's baby, to not having a summer job (although I'm working in the fall), to the diabetes.