Sense of belonging

I am a new single person. No, I have been divorced for ten years but my son left for grad school. I have had kids at home for the past 38 years. I am trying to get a sense of belonging and feel for what I want to do with the rest of my life. I had to take a medical for my career which just about killed me. I left kicking and screaming as I loved my work.

I don't know when to sleep, when to eat, what to do etc. I have taken college classes the past three years to take what I enjoy now that I am not rushing thru. I am writing two books currently and have a publisher. I belong to a program the helps new second year residents in medical school get their first intro to patients by belonging to the Standardized Patient program which also is rewarding and pays very well. I just keep looking and not sure what I am looking for. Does anyone else have this void? I stay busy days but nights and weekends are hard as I have nothing to do. If anyone has any ideas just know that I am open for suggestions!

Hi Judith, This may sound odd, but what about looking to volunteer at an organization that helps sick kids? In Portland, Oregon one of the local radio stations does a fundraiser for the Children’s Cancer Association here in Portland. They have a volunteer program where you can become a “Chemo Pal” to mentor and help kids through their treatments by being there with them. I don’t know that it would fill nights and weekends, but something like that could help fill the void you feel and give you momentum to get through the nights and weekends. (This is just one suggestion/thought. It’s not necessarily the answer for you.)
Julie Ann :slight_smile:

Well…maybe join a club of some sort. Where they have dinners/dancing fundraisers and MEN! LOL That sure sounds like fun and something to do. :slight_smile: Volunteering too…depending on your interests.

I do a lot during the days to stay busy. I am scared of meeting guys. I was married for 23 years and my husband left for someone much younger. I never felt an urge to get back into the game so to speak. I can’t do anything with kids or cancer. My son Jason died after heart surgery at Children’s Hospital in Denver. I moved to Texas from beautiful Colo. to care for parents that both died of cancer so I have done my share with that and don’t want to do that again. I just wish I could get some confidence to find people to go to movies with or out for something in the evenings like a play at my son’t theater. I help out at food banks thru my church. I am just looking for deeper meaning in my life right now.

I have no self esteem left being married so long and my husband leaving me. I wouldn’t know how to get back into the game if you will at this point in my life! Not sure I want to either. It was hard to get thru and don’t want to get hurt again.

What does this have to do with what I said? Totally confused as it has nothing to do with what I was talking about???

Just my two cents, but keeping to a routine sometimes helps things feel more normal & purposeful with the not knowing when to sleep, when to eat, what to do thing.

I’m still figuring out what I want to do when I grow-up. Volunteer work is a good way to meet people. I was involved with a project to restore an old theater, which was really fun & different. Community theater groups are usually eager for people to help. My mother volunteers babysitting. She loves kids & it keeps her evenings busy.

Wow, writing two books! That sounds like something that would keep you quite busy. If you don’t mind me asking, what are your books about?

Write! keep writing…about what ? Once you have the cumputer infront of you,you find yourself whriting,ideas will flow. Make it a habit,and you will fill books. Photography is nice,collect photos of your own daily living.
Face book? connect with your family and people who have same interests.

My boys are 27 and 22 and although I am married, I still feel that void you are talking about. What do we do when our children leave home, a spouse isn’t present? You are doing alot, but maybe not enough for you. We have had our days filled with kids, family, etc and now it seems as if there is nothing…well, we find things that are worth filling our days with…not just existing, but really rewarding us for this time we get to spend any way we want to.
You are doing a lot Judith, WOW, writing, college classes, helping new docs (please we need good ones) May I suggest that you share yourself with someone who has no one? Elderly people weren’t “my thing” until I started going over to our residential care center and making greeting cards with them…we loved it. They are so filled with stories and life histories, and many of them have no one to visit or talk with either. The weekends for them are just as long and hard as they are for you…or maybe “adopting” a child whose mother/father isn’t around on weekends, and spending some time with them…how about starting a writing group for people in your area at the local library…a weekend group. Oh, my, I’ve gone off track with all my ideas…but life at this stage is wonderful. I love being older and rather alone (due to my husband’s work) yet it is lonely. But I’ve heard it said that the best cure for loneliness is helping someone else. good luck,…oh, what are your books about???

Cathy and Geri,
It is funny that you mention ideas that I have been so deeply involved in. I have been a theater mom for the past 8 years with my son. He has worked the past 3 yrs. until he transferred out as a professional lighting designer which he is getting his master’s for. I love going to this community theater and helping out answering phones, stuffed 8000 letters for a fund raiser etc. I love playing in the clothes and get to stand in squares on the stage while my son focuses lights. He also lets me cut out the light gels. It’s lonely going in there now that he is gone so I have done it but don’t enjoy it anymore. I spent 8 1/2 yrs. as a nursing supervisor at an assisted living facility. I even brought my son in to make them cocoa and read letters to them. I am currently writing two books with one being about myself being one of the first police women where I came from in a metro area in Colo. It is very interesting as I feel like I pioneered the way for women today. At least they don’t have to get dressed in a janitor’s closet like I did. I also had no acceptance from the guys until about two years later when I had proved myself to them. However, they put me thru living nightmares of tests to get to that level. Thanks for the encouragement and great ideas.