Setting Goals

I tried to go to bed early tonight, but my brain would not stop. I’ve been trying to figure out what my goals are, healthwise.

Some are easy.

I want to avoid a heart attack, stroke, amputation, nerve damage or going blind.

I want to drop another 10-15 pounds, which should not only give me a bmi that isn’t ‘overweight’ but also get me into a size 8 and size small clothing. I’m on the edge of that now, and being only 5’, I feel like i should be wearing ‘small’ clothes.

I want to… not be T2? This one… I don’t know. I can’t conceive how being T2 would change my lifestyle. I’m already doing everything I would be doing if I was ‘diabetic’ instead of ‘prediabetic’. Does the label matter? It’s a fairly arbitrary line in the sand, after all. In my head, I have ‘diabetes’. I don’t have ‘not quite diabetes’.

I want an A1C in the 5s. And I think I’ll have it, when I see the doctor in a month or so. My sugars are in that range. But… I haven’t accepted the diet I have to eat to get there. I keep waiting to be able to change it, squeak a few more starches in, bring back the bananas. But then my numbers would be a bit higher, as much as a point or more higher post-meals (18 us). Which wouldn’t be so bad, I guess. I’d still have an a1c most people would adore.

But I don’t feel I can really set my goals for a higher number? If I can keep my numbers here, well, isn’t it my obligation to keep trying for normal blood sugars? It’s not like I get dangerous lows, after all. No matter how good my numbers are, I want them to be better.

What I really want of course, is not to have this disease. But no matter how many ‘normal range’ numbers show up in my meter, it’s never going to go away.