Signs of Being Controlling


#1

So something that I’ve noticed lately that appears to be a red flag and I’m sure many of you can relate to are people attempting to micromanage diabetes for you. I’ve only noticed this with men that I have went out on dates with that also have type 1 diabetes and they start to go into a protective mode as soon as my blood sugar hits 70. The last time this happened the guy literally freaked out and threatened to come to my house if I wasn’t about 70 immediately. These types of people also have their opinions about your care and why you should never almost pass out because they, “haven’t done that since 1997.”

Am I just terrible at selecting friends or are my suspicions correct in that other diabetics find contentment in managing others care to feel better about their own? I know this probably happens with non diabetic spouses as well and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to try to explain to them that you are doing exactly what you need to be to care for your own self.


#2

Actually, no I can’t relate to others micromanaging my diabetes. My wife may remind me when I want to eat too many “bad” foods too often, but that’s just her caring about me. I don’t see that as you do as a “red flag”. Typically, I can go months on “the straight and narrow” food-wise, but I’ll still get low (or high). She tends to shoot up too fast because she drops so quickly from boluses and I get on her for not bolusing PRIOR to a meal, but for her, it works, as her diabetes reacts much differently than mine. It’s weird how many variations of diabetes there are!


#3

Agreed! If it works/doesn’t work … for you … act accordingly.

I don’t think there really is … no right or only … answer.


#4

No, you’re not terrible at selecting friends. This relationship dynamic exists in relationships that do not include diabetes. I think it’s a complicated dance that people do when negotiating a relationship, especially when it’s new. Healthy relationships fully acknowledge and respect the autonomous agency of each other. Yet that value must be tempered by thoughtful and loving support when appropriate.

These are nice words, I know. Putting this ideal into practice is what is hard. Caring communication is the key here. Communication in the format of “I feel this when you say that,” is a good place to start.

I have been uncoupled for so many years, I forget about the complexity of managing diabetes within a close relationship. Diabetes raises so many issues but they need to be raised anyways for a good relationship to take hold.

Men are socialized to be protectors of those they love and that notion can quickly morph into dysfunction. Men are problem solvers and often rush to relationship solutions, even when the other person in the relationship just seeks human connection and not a fix! You are right for it to raise concerns when you observe it. I know I would react poorly with any woman who sought to act like a mother. It’s complicated. Good luck with this!


#5

I tend to agree with this…

However…
Having a BG of 70, and knowing your IOB and other data, including CGMS trend if available, would be collectively used to determine if immediate action is required to raise BG to avoid passing out.

If you have a history of passing out, then his response would make more sense to me.


#6

Lol, my husband virtually ignores any numbers I have unless I ask for help for him to get me some juice fast. If he remembers he might ask me 15 minutes later if I’m okay, Since he is being nice asking, I hate to burst his bubble that if I wasn’t okay I’d be passed out on the floor.

I have never passed out and he would probably panic big time if I ever did. But controlling or saying anything about my numbers? Not ever unless it’s because my numbers are dropping and I tell him I haven’t eaten all day and then he will comment, well that’s why then.


#7

My first wife, a non-diabetic would panic big time, when I was low. OTOH, so did I. As the years went by and my control improved thanks to: 1)a meter instead of guessing bg’s by the color of https://goo.gl/images/Qfn1PE , 2) a pump, and 3) better insulins, I no longer would feel intense panic when I’d get low. Then again, back in my bad old days we are talking drops of 100 points in 5 minutes. Seriously messed up regimen and a lack of tools.
My current wife, also a diabetic doesn’t get worked up about my lows. :slight_smile: She rarely gets really low and, like me, self treats, although if I feel especially lousy and she is around she will get me some carbs if I don’t feel like eating what is near me.


#8

No history of passing out, the tone used was rather such as, “you should be impressed by me fellow diabetic woman. I have not passed out.” Who knows, I’m probably being too hard on the poor boy.