Somtimes it Wears You Down

Type I Diabetes, diabetic retinopathy, coronary artery disease, acid reflux, frozen shoulder syndrome, staph infection, poor leg circulation. these are the health issues I deal with daily. Usually I take it all in stride and find some release by talking it out via this blog and Facebook. But sometimes the constant pain and the constant "time for more medicine", the constant vigilance, and constant doctors visits to only be told I need yet more treatment and/or surgery, and the constant realization that I am only half as capable and independent as I used to be...sometimes it all just wears me down.

I had a third surgery on my right eye back in June. From that day on I was sleeping a lot, it seems that no matter how much sleep I get and what I do in my waking hours, I always end up taking a nap or two during the day. And I mean real one to three hour naps. As my eye healed and I felt much better, you would think the tiredness and naps would end. You see, I am not a napper by nature, I loath naps, I dispise them. The only time I ever take naps is if I am ill (or healing from surgery).

I told myself it was the healing process. I told myself it was because I didn't sleep well at night because of my pained frozen shoulder. I told myself a lot of things.

Then the other night I was in bed thinking I shouldn't be so tired because I had taken a three hour nap earlier that day. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so obvious that I couldn't believe I had missed it until now.

I am depressed.

I mope around the house all day, take naps, feel pain no matter what I do, look at the world through one good eye, no matter how hard I try..every time I fix a health issue something else falls apart. I've lost my driver license and can't walk far because of leg pain (poor circulation), I can't work because of the surgeries (healing from them) therefore we are down my portion of the income....

It is understandable to experience depression under such circumstances, and now that I have realized I am depressed, I can work to come out of it.

But first, a nap...

I am sorry that you have to go through so much. I hope that you find some way out of the depression. I get depressed too because of chronic illnesses. I think a lot of people can relate to what you are going through with having multiple illnesses and surgeries. There are ways to get help with the depression. I wish you the best. I know that the nap thing causes a lot of guilt but it helps with the fatigue.

I agree with Lots. Multiple medical issues are exhausting. My life seems to be revoking around scheduling appointments, going to appointments, waiting for lab results, refilling prescriptions for the 13 oral meds I take, blah blah blah.
And the financial strain is a very significant issue.
Yes, depression can make you very very tired. Can you talk with your doctors about this?
However, I also believe that sleep is very healing. So if you have to take a nap, do it.

Hi Tiki,

It's ok to rest your body...and your mind. You've been through a lot! I have a question for you that you don't have to answer but may lead you down a path for a check: Has your endo done a complete hormone workup? Surgery, T1D and the like can wreck your hormone balances and make you feel tired, depressed all the time. I know that another test or med is not what you are looking for but it may be worth a shot. Feel better -

Tiki, sending good thoughts your way. I have not had your challenges, but I know people who have gone through tough times. Maybe some of these ideas might be useful:

1. try to sit outside in cool morning sun.
2. watch funny videos (or just listen if you don't want to strain your good eye)- the funniest guy of the internet for me is louis ck who you can search for on youtube
3. do little jobs around the house to move and feel productive
4. get rides (some places have county shuttle services that you call and will come right to your house) to places that have scooters so you can change your environment and buy a few cheap necessities or nice things while you're there (like lotions shampoos etc)

Thanks guys. :) Strings, no I haven't had a hormone workup, but I was thinking things just feel out of whack. I will talk to my doctor about it.

It happens. Used to happen to me also.Got all sorts of ailments and pains in each part of my body.What really worked for me is meditation everyday for an hour. Try it. Will make you feel rejuvenated, happy and fresh. You will realize that the world is actually a beautiful place and we are all lucky people.