Still down in the dumps

Yesterday was a day to forget not one of my better days, I just felt down in the dumps every little thing got on my nerves, not a very nice person to be around when I feel like this.

The day just got darker and darker if you know what I mean I did not want to talk had horrible thoughts like wish I was single lived on my own on a deserted island crazy I know as I have been married 43 years this september and my wife partner friend what ever you wish to call her has been by my side through some awful times always supporting me and looking after me.

It is 6.48am as I took the re-cycling bin out for the council to empty today a flock of geese flew overhead making a racket but such a wonderful sight to see in in precision formation why can't my life be like , they seem to know where they are going and cannot wait to get there.

I feel well how do I feel there is a heaviness over my eyes i feel tired although I have been in bed for over 10 hours I had to get up 3 times to go to the toilet so not a long sleep I do not think,my day will exsist with me blogging doing a little tidying up where I can and hopefully having a good wash and shave, then I can sit and look at the 4 walls in our living room.

What I would like to do is go for a long walk take some photographs of spring exploding into march or sit and do some water colur painting but I know I really know by the end of the day I will have done barely nothing, not much to write home about is it.

i have to get myself to the doctors surgery some 4 miles away get on the bus see what he has to say get back on the bus and come home if you can call it home that is how I feel and it is not getting any better right now.

Difficult to put my finger on why I feel this way do not have to rush to work perhaps that is it after working nearly 46 years out of my 62 perhaps I miss the company the challenge who knows who really cares, it could be raising 5 kids and they all leaving with good lives of their own has left a empty space in my life, or is it the 13 pills a day 2 lots of insulin and 1 of victoza that is causing my feeling of downwardness.

I need to find something to take my mind of how I feel ernie knocking the door telling me I have wom a million quid might do it not having to worry about bills and being able to buy some clothes that fit might make me feel a bit better to be honest I do not really know what it will take to get me out of the big hole I have dug for myself.