Struggling a bit

Baby Lauren is 4 weeks now and doing brilliantly. She is sprouting like a weed (on my breastmilk) and doing everything she should.

I on the other hand am struggling both the BS management and other things.

Part of this is motivation.

Like, well, the insulin pen I use for basal has broken and I don't have any long acting insulin, and my endo's office doesn't have any spare (I usually get the pens for the insulin cartridges that I buy from him) and I don't know where to get one.... so I've not been taking any long acting insulin, and just adjusting with humalog from time to time.... when I get around to actually testing. Luckily breastfeeding this super hungry baby is helping with sugar levels, but things are way higher than they should be... And I haven't worked out my post-pregnancy bolus ratio yet... and I haven't been counting carbs... considering we are already 1 month post delivery this is stupid, yes. But that's what it is.

I could just go buy a vial and use needles but the vial will expire way before I can finish it and that's a waste and so I just haven't... There are other options for getting back on basal and I WILL do something on this tomorrow or in the next couple of days. Then I need to get strict with the low carb, testing and taking insulin properly again.

Plus Mum who had visited from Australia for 3 weeks just left this morning. She has been wonderful and such a help. Now I have to somehow get back to my regular work and life schedule and get caught up on everything.

It's school holidays here and my oldest has vacation classes that also have me running around. Can't wait for end of the holidays and back to regular schedule for her.

Far bigger problem and what is coloring everything is that I've been having a lot of hand, wrist and joint pains. Already saw a rheumatologist a week ago and he is evaluating me for rheumatoid arthritis - apparently triggered by delivery of baby Lauren. Tests have all come back negative - but that doesn't mean it's not. I've been reading online and don't like what I've seen.

Doing things is painful and tiring... I am so scared that this won't go away.... Anyway, I see him again for a second appointment on Saturday. He's either going to tell me there's nothing wrong (and I'm a hypochondriac), or he's going to tell me it is too early to make a final diagnosis but it would seem like what I am experiencing is Rheumatoid Arthritis.

If I do have this, potentially it changes everything. All my plans and goals and trying to get back into active lifestyle and caring for my kids and working.

I can't have this. I just can't. I am praying I am wrong. OR that if it is it is a super mild case and goes into remission quickly.

So I am feeling very down and quite overwhelmed.

I would get some long acting insulin. I still have 2/3 of a bottle of NPH I bought when my pump failed last summer. I am just hanging onto it b/c I don't want to throw it out? I would wonder too if elevated bg and stress might aggravate the arthritis? It seems like high BG is bad for everything else but I don't know anything about RA?

Don't be too hard on yourself, Super sally. I remember the days of fighting to maintain a good diabetes regimen while tending a newborn and working full time. Life gets in the way sometimes and it's hard. But it will get better.

Let sweet baby Lauren be your motivation...she needs you to be your healthiest. So go pick up some insulin, take a deep breath, and do your best that you can do one day at a time. :) Also sending positive vibes your way on your health in general.

I'm praying too that you are wrong. Even if not I'm sure you can handle it, After all you are Super_Sally. I have followed you through thru your pregnancy and birth of Baby Lauren and you are nothing short of a hero in my eyes. So lets pray for the best and remember that you are up to what ever comes along.

Gaty S