Supporting my Type 1 partner to take a first step

You know, he told me that when he was a kid (early 80s) he was the only T1 kid his doctors had ever seen who had not been to the hospital with a hyperglycemic episode. I think he has done a “good” job (you know, if it’s appropriate to call it that) making the most of a less than ideal situation for many years now. Obviously there are a lot of things he could be doing better. You are close in age to my BF; he’s 39. It’s weirdly nice to know that there are others out there who are making it work without being “perfect.” It strengthens my faith in his ability to make the positive changes he needs to. He once told me he feared it was “too late” for him to turn his habits around, but obviously people have done it. His step-mother, incidentally (who introduced me to this site), is also T1 and struggled with alcoholism and depression for many years but managed rather late in the game to get her health in order. She’s doing pretty well these days (of course she has good health insurance, which doesn’t hurt).

All of the above, Stuart, all of the above. :slight_smile: Something I really love about him, and why I was attracted to him in the first place, is that he has a very low tolerance for bulls***. Being direct does work with him…sometimes it takes a while for me to work myself up to have those direct conversations with him, and sometimes it takes him a while to let them sink in, but they do work. And he is generally receptive to the concerns I express, as long as I do it in a respectful way.

I did suggest therapy to him, and he seemed interested in that idea. Therapy has helped him a lot in other areas of his life in the past. Part of his problem is that his past frustrations with being unable to afford health care and bad experiences with unsympathetic and judgmental doctors have caused him to be very resentful of the whole system. I proposed, and he agreed, that seeing a therapist about this might be a good first step. And I TOTALLY understand you when you say you wish there was more you could do. Best to you and your family.

“One thing some people don’t seem to remember is that the Type 1 diabetes education was different in the 80’s than it was in 2000. It is also different today. He probably doesn’t have any idea how much better informaion is than it was before.” You are right on about this; he told me when we talked about all this the other night that it was around the time he graduated from college, after which he was no longer covered by his parents’ insurance, and went through many years of being very poor, that he stopped taking good care of himself. This would have been around 1991. So, not having been real responsible about his condition since the early nineties, it makes total sense that what he knows about it is outdated. Thanks for the book recommendation; it must be a good one since so many people have mentioned it. I will try to get myself a copy and one for him too.

Thanks for that! I did feel overwhelmed by all the different perspectives, absolutely. But it’s all helpful, so I really appreciate it. And I think what you say about having one’s head in the sand is partially true. It’s a little bit of that, I’m sure, although I think there is some real ignorance there too.

All I can say is, that was truly amazing. Thanks a lot, and best to you and your fiance!

Just reading this scared me. I have a hard time thinking he is getting a PHD and doesn’t care about his Type 1.

I am type 1, have no medical Ins. I had to go to the Community health Clinic, and they have been a blessing to my life. I have a scrip program and a Co-pay, but its better than 1,0000 of dollars at a ER.

Does he get his Insulin at Walmart? He can get a meter there, for $8.56 and 100 strips for 36 dollars. I would get this for Gift for him…Save his life…

There is no other way to do this, he is very lucky he has not died from Low BS. Or Had DKA, and he is living on the edge for sure… I can’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have my meter… That is a very scary thought…

But bottom line is, he is a grwon up, and does know better, but is a person that likes living on the edge, and sadly is bound to fall and lets all hope he lives through it.

You can beg, and you can talk, and tell and feel like your caring about him is out of Love. But he is in Denial, and no one not even the one he Loves is going to change that. He has to. Its a hard road to have to walk down. I know…

Girl, just glad to see that you’re back. Everyone here does mean well, and I’m glad that you see that.

No prob, I hope it helps! =)

Great job with that info.! Are you fingers bleeding? I was going to add, but I think DesertEm has a lot to go on, hopefully she’ll read up, and be a awesome motivator for her partner. I think of how much so many us TuDers put into diabetes care that it was almost shocking to hear about a T1 not caring for himself. :slight_smile:

Haha, not quite. I write for fun, lots of stories, so this wasn’t bad and is good karma if it helps someone else out!

I agree with the motivation part, but am not too surprised to hear that he doesn’t take real strict care of his condition. Just hopeful that he might pick up a few better habits in the future! Even if it doesn’t happen soon, one day the light bulb will go on. I understand how a young guy at school could feel like this. I get annoyed that I can’t really go out partying with friends, but I have too many other things going on to let it depress me into not having as bright a future as possible. =)

Agree :slight_smile: My son was dx’d Dec09 and is 15 now, we have pump, cgm and often post on FLATLINERS. His control is good and I educated myself to make sure he has the best possibly chances for a healthy future and to teach him the skills he’ll need to do it on his own. He might relax his control at times is his future, but I am confident I’ll have helped give him good model to fall back on. =) Emily

I was careful in my post to qualify it by saying IF he is alcoholic and not to jump to the conclusion that he necessarily is alcoholic. He isn’t a kid anymore - he’s 39. That’s pretty old for a T1 diabetic non-alcoholic to be getting completely blitzed regularly. Maybe you haven’t known people who are alcoholic, but I have and it is supremely destructive. I’m surprised acidrock hasn’t had experience with this - I used to play in bands as he did, and I need more than one hand to count the people I knew who lost their lives to drugs and alcohol.

If he isn’t alcoholic, then he should be able to stop drinking and figure out how to manage his diabetes better, then add the alcohol back and figure out how to manage that. But I’ll repeat - if he is alcoholic then trying to manage the diabetes while he is still drinking is a recipe for disaster.

I have some recovering alcoholic family members and friends, and I’m hesitant to use that term in my boyfriend’s case because I honestly don’t think there is one hard and fast satisfactory definition of what it means to be alcoholic, unless there’s a physical dependency. Also, as the alcoholics in my life have told me, that the person with the problem and no one else has to make the decision to change. Boyfriend drinks too much, too often, no question. But he can go without, and he doesn’t seem to mind going without. I think it would be totally reasonable and realistic for him to quit for a bit until he gets into the swing of better management. I will bring that up, and hopefully he’ll be willing to try it. It’s up to him, though.

Lots of good info here to which I can’t add to other than to say I’m less worried about what’s good for him than what’s good for a caring person like you. I hope things work out for you.

Hello DesertEmily:

Pleased to hear my thoughts are not entirely “alien”… This is a nasty minefield (of the worst kind) for some of us. Another person, our lover, our partner trying to take the rudder, the wheel from our hands. You do not want it… you do not desire it… but you see the iceberg we will not acknowledge.

You’d like us to change course…

Have you tried seduction 101? Show me X readings on your meter and I will… ? No readings, then “none” for you idea? Not demeaning your gender, merely suggesting a new twist on an OLD idea. One of many potential twists to penetrate his thick skin and baaaaaaad habits…