Hello out there!
My name is Lindsey and I have been a Type 1 Diabetic since October 2012. Well, that’s what they tell me at least. Now that I have come into a lot more knowledge about diabetes and what the symptoms are of high blood sugars, I can assume that I was struggling with this for a couple years before I was ever diagnosed.
I am very lucky that it never got to the point that I needed to be hospitalized for it, however, when it was caught, my first A1C was 14.6.
So, two years (and some change) later, I am struggling with denial and annoyance with the disease. I hate it. I hate that I have to worry so much about what I eat and it never matters. I hate that I gained so much weight when I started taking insulin. I hate that I can’t lose the weight like normal people. I hate that I have to calculate the food, the insulin, the exercise, the activity, the sleep, the everything. I hate how my friends look at me when I don’t take insulin when I’m out with them because they are worried about me. I hate that when I am low or high and I have to cancel plans, I am the bad guy.
BUT! Just because I hate all those things, DOES NOT mean I am going to get rid of this disease by hating it.
I am willing to admit that I have struggled with Insulin-Anorexia. I have gone months without insulin just so I can lose weight. If I eat an exceptionally bad meal, I will not take insulin, hoping that counters it. I have purposefully eaten TONS of carbs to get my BGs up extremely high so I can lose weight.
None of this makes me very proud, but it is the truth that I have to face. And, doing these things is never going to get me where I want to be. In better shape, in better health, and in better control.
I wanted to post this because I am starting to have blurred vision, and I think it is because Diabetic Retinopathy is setting in. At least the early stages, and I can’t go blind. I don’t want to, I will lose my spirit and soul if that happens.
So I need to take back my body and my health, and I need to realize and work towards healthy choices, a healthy life, and working on my BGs so I can see for the rest of my life.
What better place than a diabetic forum for those of us struggling with the disease. I am angry that I have it, but that doesn’t mean that I can change it. I can only embrace what I have been given and move forward making adjustments as I go.
God is on my side, and through Him I can do anything. You don’t need to be religious to know that when someone is on your side, it makes all the struggles a little more bearable.