Taking my Body Back

Hello out there!

My name is Lindsey and I have been a Type 1 Diabetic since October 2012. Well, that’s what they tell me at least. Now that I have come into a lot more knowledge about diabetes and what the symptoms are of high blood sugars, I can assume that I was struggling with this for a couple years before I was ever diagnosed.

I am very lucky that it never got to the point that I needed to be hospitalized for it, however, when it was caught, my first A1C was 14.6.

So, two years (and some change) later, I am struggling with denial and annoyance with the disease. I hate it. I hate that I have to worry so much about what I eat and it never matters. I hate that I gained so much weight when I started taking insulin. I hate that I can’t lose the weight like normal people. I hate that I have to calculate the food, the insulin, the exercise, the activity, the sleep, the everything. I hate how my friends look at me when I don’t take insulin when I’m out with them because they are worried about me. I hate that when I am low or high and I have to cancel plans, I am the bad guy.

BUT! Just because I hate all those things, DOES NOT mean I am going to get rid of this disease by hating it.

I am willing to admit that I have struggled with Insulin-Anorexia. I have gone months without insulin just so I can lose weight. If I eat an exceptionally bad meal, I will not take insulin, hoping that counters it. I have purposefully eaten TONS of carbs to get my BGs up extremely high so I can lose weight.

None of this makes me very proud, but it is the truth that I have to face. And, doing these things is never going to get me where I want to be. In better shape, in better health, and in better control.

I wanted to post this because I am starting to have blurred vision, and I think it is because Diabetic Retinopathy‎ is setting in. At least the early stages, and I can’t go blind. I don’t want to, I will lose my spirit and soul if that happens.

So I need to take back my body and my health, and I need to realize and work towards healthy choices, a healthy life, and working on my BGs so I can see for the rest of my life.

What better place than a diabetic forum for those of us struggling with the disease. I am angry that I have it, but that doesn’t mean that I can change it. I can only embrace what I have been given and move forward making adjustments as I go.

God is on my side, and through Him I can do anything. You don’t need to be religious to know that when someone is on your side, it makes all the struggles a little more bearable.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, but I do understand your struggle and emotional trauma. Yes, insulin will make you gain weight if you take large amounts. One way to avoid large amounts of insulin is to follow an extremely low carb diet rich in protein. You will not feel hungry because the protein makes you feel full and you will not feel tired because the protein gives you energy. But what protein doesn't do is raise BG as fast as carbs or pack on pounds as easily as carbs. So in response you will require much less insulin and will lose and be able to maintain a healthy weight.

Look up Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution. This is an amazing book that teaches all you need to know about diabetes and how to normalize blood sugar and live a long, healthy life free of diabetes complications.

Good luck to you! :)

most type 1's have to bolus for protein. insulin never made me gain weight, other then when I was first diagnosed weighing like 80lbs, DKA. I haven't gained any weight. How can a type one go months without insulin. Within hours of not having insulin, a type 1's blood sugars will increase 50+ points per hour until, well...DKA and/or death?

I'm so sorry for your struggle, but I'm impressed with your renewed resolve. I know you will succeed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm so sorry you have had such a rough time. You are not alone. Being diagnosed is truly a traumatic event. Looking back I see the time after my diagnosis as a time of grieving. A bit of me died at that time. I went through the 5 stages of grief as outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross; D'Nial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Make no mistake it is really hard to get through this.

But you can get through this because you are strong. And you should always remind yourself that diabetes is really just a condition, you are a beautiful person, you are a valued member of your family, our community and society and that even though you have diabetes you can live a long, healthy and satisfying life. And you are not alone.

I feel for you so much!! :( I was the same way when I was diagnosed. I hated it! I refused to accept it.. I accept it now. And realize it is something that I am just going to have to deal with.. But even know, 13 years later, I still have days where I break down and cry and hate it so bad that I emotionally can't take it. I think that happens to all of us every once in a while. You are very strong to admit a lot of what you have done by ignoring it.

A couple years ago I got to the point where if I went out in the sun I would go low. No matter what I did or how I prepped I couldn't do anything outside. It scared me and made me very sad. (probably more depressed..) but none the less.. I fixed it.. And I know you can too.. One huge thing that changed my life (and body which seems very important to you, and should be) was yoga.. I know it sounds so silly to people who don't do it. But the breathing (most americans dont get enough oxygen which messes with their brains) the medatating and the physical exersion was exactly what I needed.. The slow yoga gave me just the right boost I needed to get mentaly ready to fight this crap that we both hate so much! I worked from begineer and am now able to keep up with the fast hard classes! :) It took a while to get back to feeling strong but now I have a new life where I can kayak and hike and do all kinds of wonderful things in the sun!! :) It will get better.. You seem like you're now ready to fight this.. Woo whoo Good luck!!

I've been there, Lindsey! I was dx at 16, and my BG's were high for much of the next few years. I wouldn't say I intentionally avoided insulin, I mean I took my shots and everything, but I barely ever checked my BG's, and I was so nice and slim that I didn't want to face reality. Fast forward a few years later, I gradually got my act together once I started working a normal job after college, and over time my A1C's have gotten into a healthy range. I've had it for 31 years now. The biggest change I made was learning to eat lower-carb. I'm not extreme about it, but I try to keep my meals <30g with an evening snack. I avoid potatoes, bread, rice and pasta and focus on meats, veggies, nuts, and cheese. You'll miss the "white stuff" at first, but over time you really won't, plus the good stuff fills you up nicely so there is less urge to snack on the bad stuff. As for possible retinopathy, I'm sure you are already seeing an ophthalmologist (not an optometrist), and they can ease your mind or get you on a plan to fix it if needed. I'm not proud of my early days even in my late 40's, but it's gotten me to where I am now, and it will be the same for you. Good job making the decision and the hard choices to live the rest of your life in a more healthy way!

I'm 22. I just had my 7 year anniversary with the bêtes.... let me just tell you, before april this year.. I could've written that post myself. I struggled with the same issues, I believe there's actually a name for it called "dia-bulimia" I wouldn't take my insulin, knowing that the next day I'd wake up with a flat belly. Girl, it's so hard, and I still have my days today where I'm just fed up, don't want to deal with it anymore. It's hard, and even though your friends and family are all there for support, they don't know how you really FEEL. and its hard, not being able to relate to anyone..well, that was my issue. But it does get better.. you just can't give up on the insulin. I'm dealing with the consequences of having an average a1c of 13 for 6 years. In april, I decided to get the omnipod pump, and it's changed my (diabetes) life for the better. My a1c is finally down to a 6.2 (I cried happy tears in disbelief) It IS possible to get your health back and your body back and you've only had this for 2 years, I promise you can get back in and take control. I've given myself gastroparesis from all the insulin neglect over the years.. and I'm still hoping it will reverse itself so I wont have this for the rest of my life on top of the diabetes as well. I was like you, my vision had gotten blurry, and I feared that I was so far gone I couldn't get back on track.. Having someone to talk to at the time that could relate, may have made all the difference for me. Don't give up this fight, you can only go up from here! You've decided to make the right choices, now just stick to it and know that youre not alone!

I have been doing this for 28 years (since I was 11)and I had to learn to forgive myself ...alot. I have had good/bad days, good/bad weeks, good/bad months and looking back good/bad years. Diabetes is not like a diet so you have to allow for the ebbs and flows of human nature and life. My best advice is practice healthy lower carb as much as possible and don't freak out when you step out. Just go back the next day and start again. Its always a new day! God bless.