Yeah, it was a shock for me too. Though I would like to go back to the good old times when I lived without this big D over my head, I know that I am healthier now than back then. It sucks no doubt, we just have to deal with it. Hang in there, this is a great place to vent. Take control of it and make the best of your life. Cheers, Todd.
Yeah, it was a shock for me too. Though I would like to go back to the good old times when I lived without this big D over my head, I know that I am healthier now than back then. It sucks no doubt, we just have to deal with it. Hang in there, this is a great place to vent. Take control of it and make the best of your life. Cheers, Todd.
Hi M Kay. I was afraid to eat also cuz I knew my BG would go up but I was told that I needed to eat anyway and drink lots of water to combat the dehydration that comes with those high numbers. So please drink lots of fluids and remember there are lots of people on this site (with a lot more experience than me) that will be glad to help you.
I have the family history as well so came as no suprise to me that it took so long to get to me. I try and take care of myself but you can’t defy genetics. After it soaks in you will find your strength. There are so many improvements from when my dad was first diagnosed in the 70’s. I have faith in that I will receive the right treatment, I am educating myself with a class, and I have my faith. Nothing can lessen that in my life. I have gone back to my lifestyle living life fast and hard as I am no spring chicken. My bucket list is busy and riding by the seat of my pants. You will get thru this. I’m 56 and going like a 20 yr. old. Cheer up as you are too pretty to cry. J
Day two brings what feels like complete exhaustion. I just want to lay my head down on my desk and sleep. I’m just a warm body here, accomplishing very little. Thankfully I work at a very busy, flexible, “go with the flow” sort of agency. While I’m resisting the nap, nobody would take offense if I did! My husband and I had short, cross words with each other this morning. I think he’s incredibly concerned, worried, I am afraid, tired, and we both just lashed out about the smallest thing that never would have caused a cross word in the past. That hurts on top of all the rest. My numbers are still in the 300’s. I took the first metaformin last night. Nothing’s changed except waking up to what felt like the tummy flu and a fasting of 247. I can’t separate what is just reaction to this whole situation and/or nerves, and what could be a reaction to the med. It wasn’t the most awesome way to wake up though. I called the dr, made the appointment for Wednesday, asked about the numbers still being that high. She was going to call back. No call yet. Had a little nuclear meltdown on the phone with my mom mid-morning, who has already kicked into mom-mode, making me single serving jars of soup to deliver to me this week from her favorite diabetic cookbook. I wish knew why I felt so drained. Maybe just the feelings the last days. The medicine?
I can understand what you are feeling completely. I was 30 when I was diagnosed, and knew nothing about DM at all. No family history, nver knew anybody that had it. I was all alone - in the Army where support etc. was nonexistant. That was in '94, long before “social networking.” All I knew was I had this awful disease, was going to lose my career, and had few prospects as there wasn’t much call for a chemical warfare specialist in the civilian world.
I learned to take things one day, one meal at a time. I also learned to keep trying for control, as it might be ok at this moment to be a little high, but over time those moments add up to big problems.
A really good CDE might help - especially if they have DM because as self-centered as it sounds, only a person with DM can really, truly understand what you are going through and offer useful advice. Hang in there, and do not be too hard on yourself.
I’m delighted to say, “Welcome to the family.” I’m not delighted you–or anyone–has diabetes. But I am delighted that you’ve got an official diagnosis and can start taking steps to feel better and enjoy a long and happy life. And I’m really, really, really delighted that you found this wealth of tudiabetes friends just 24 hours into your diagnosis.
I lived for more than 30 years barely knowing anyone with diabetes and certainly not trading daily comments and cheers and commiserations with them. That was lonely. And being lonely makes putting one foot in front of the other day in, day out, that much more difficult.
After your diagnosis is confirmed, please consider early and rigorous treatment to control blood glucose, blood pressure, and blood lipids (cholesterol). For type 2, that means going on medication right away, which is the new American Diabetes Association guideline–not hoping that lifestyle changes alone can get the numbers in line. Yes, lifestyle changes in terms of food choices and portions and daily physical activity are key–support for which many of us come to this site. But alone food and activity aren’t always enough as type 2 progresses.
My other recommendations is to spend a lot of time on tudiabetes. Hope to see you here often!
The first day, of the rest of my life. Or the end of life as I knew it?
It’s both…and it’s OK, you’re already here 
I can tell you from having an eating disorder that not eating will send the numbers soaring. You need a diabetic class thru your hospital or clinic. I am taking a six month class as I don’t eat all the food groups and having problems eating. It’s okay to validate what you are feeling but there is so much more to life than this. I control my diabetes; it does not control me. J
Welcome. I have to tell you, these feelings are perfectly normal. After diagnosis, I felt like I had literally died. All the sudden, my formerly immortal self was crushed and all I had to look forward to was my impending doom as a diabetic And worse, I felt like I had brought this on myself. But guess what. None of use brought on diabetes. It just happens.
Let me tell you that the view that your life is now in an out of control spiral towards doom is certainly not true. While diabetes certainly s*cks and you may well have this chronic condition that requires you to take care of yourself, we have to actually consider ourselves very lucky. Today, we have a broad array of medications and treatments that mean that you can live a full, happy, normal life. Take care of yourself and you will live as long as anybody else and you can mostly prevent all the harsh complications.
Have a good cry. Feel depressed about the situation. You have a right to those feelings. But in the end, you need to start to remind yourself that you are going to be ok. And we will be here to help you through this. And it will be ok.
Cry if you need to, but you’ll feel better in a few days - even better in a few weeks once you have a handle on it. I 've had this “issue” for thirty years and never considered myself being afflicted, suffering, hungry for food, or stricken by this disease. You will be discrimated against and will meet many people who care about you but are dumb as a box of rocks about the disease. It is not a death sentence. Just a change in your habits. Seeing an encrinologist every 3-4 months, watching what carbs you can eat, and testing your blood with a meter. Get a newer meter, since most mfgs give them away for free if you use their strips. Check your health insurance for coverage. Meds and strips are expensive. Read everything you can get your hands on. You will be able to change discouragement into enlightenment. As you get used to the situation, you will find humor and make fun of it. Humor is very good medicine.
Welcome I see you changed to your middle name on me!! I really hope you like us here and we will help in anyway we can!!!
John,
I could just reach right through this computer right now and give you a big fat hug!!! Thank you for such a kind, thoughtful and informative response.
There is noting I could say to her that you haven’t already said so well. So I won’t. But I will tell you how much you are appreciated.
Thanks
Well first off Marcia Welcome to a place were you can find all the information you will ever need to deal with diabetes, secondly it comes with over twelve thousand brothers and sisters that all have to deal with this monster one way or another and they are all ready to help you with any question or comments you need ask or to express. So let me introduce myself I am Trish a T1D and I was diagnosed at 5 years old so I never had the chance to be in denial just life as usual for me, Please have a look around Tuville here and don’t be afraid about jumping right in…
Huggs!!!
Marcia - your blog has brought tears to my eyes and I'm sending out virtual hugs to you via my finger tips on the keyboard here. I am so glad that you are letting it out, as this is a tough thing to have to handle on your own, and we're all here to help you get thru' this one way or another. I'll probably be the one that is throwing silly jokes at you as you try to get used to dealing with diabetes. There are many here who have been thru' what you are going thru'. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but I know it's not fun. Because I was only a little girl when I got this disease, I don't know of any other way of life, but so far, it's been pretty good life, despite little glitches along the way. So hang in there and just know you are not alone here. Anna from Montreal - http://www.diabetes1.org/blogs/Annas_Blog
M. Kay,
Welcome to the group. I know exactly how you feel. I remember crying, throwing my meter across the room, more crying, trying to ignore it and just flat out not taking my insulin, crying more, and watching my family cry when he saw what I was going through. That said, things will get better. It is not the end of the world. This is an amazing group of inspiring and supportive people who have gone through things that you are just now starting to. Lean on us, that’s why we’re here.
Giant hugs, smiles, and many many blessings on you. Take care of yourself hon.
~Becky
Hi, just newly diagnosed here on 11/24/2009. I acquired my diabetes because of 2 different medications I took last year, both of which have the ‘side effect’ of causing diabetes in rare cases. Well, I just happen to be one of those rare cases.
For me, diabetes IS a prison. I am stuck babysitting this horrible disease. It ruined my life and impacted the lives of those around me. It is a prison and I am it’s inmate. Sure, if I am good (i.e. keep blood sugars under tight control), I can get out for a moment (i.e. eat something I shouldn’t), but have to return to it to finish my life sentence.
I am not on any meds whereas you at least have the opportunity to more precisely control yours. Which CAN be done.
I made an account on sugarstats and track everything I do (eating and blood sugars tests).
If you do this too, you can see trends and preemptively adjust your eating and dosage to give you better control. This is how I can figure I am good for 15g of carbs without going over 140.
I am not sure about how your body weight is, but since my diagnosis, I haven’t been eating much of anything. Maybe 800-100 calories a day. This amounts to a bare handful of most foods. And I do love food. This makes me seriously depressed. I tried all the gimmicks to keep my blood sugars down, but most of the time, it’s all hype.
When I went to a birthday party for one of my son’s classmates (he’s 7), I couldn’t participate in his life because I couldn’t eat a single thing, not even 1 cupcake. More depression.
Last week, I too my son to McDonald’s and got him a Chicken McNugget Mighty Kids meal. He innocently asked me "daddy? How come you aren’t eating anything? I told him that there is nothing there I could eat. He said “not even french fries?” I told him that I wasn’t allowed. He said “can you have just one french fry?” I told him, yes, I can have only one.
Did you know that he gave me the biggest, longest french fry he had?
He want’s me to be a part of his life. He want’s me to be a part of the family, eating with him, not separately and alone.
But I cannot do this due to a disease that I now have through absolutely no fault of my own.
With each passing day of dealing with this disease, I die a little more inside. With each frown my little boy has because I can’t have a normal life with him, I die even more inside.
Sure, I could go into denial like you did, but that would just make things worse. Not only the depression part, but then there is the added health complications that would exacerbate the situation.
What a quandary. Eat to satisfy my emotional needs and suffer complications like blindness, or don’t eat and suffer from possible starvation and severe depression resulting in other related problems.
From day one, I have watched this disease like a hawk, controlling it as much as I could. The more I learned, the better the control I have. I haven’t gone into denial, just depression, for now.
Diabetes wrecks your life. You no longer have any semblance of your former life, but the beginning on enslavement to a disease that you can only ‘manage’.
Either you manage the disease or it will manage you. There is no in between.
One thing that helped me is this:
Whenever I want something like a icing covered cinnamon roll (my weakness), I ask myself this one question:
Which do I want more, that yummy cinnamon roll or my eyes?
Guess what my answer was?
This is NOT a normal life for anybody. Not even close.
You are a shadow of your former self, a foggy memory.
Your quality of life has diminished significantly. Mine has too.
However, you and I can rebuild a small portion of it. At least we’re alive and have hope for a suitable ‘cure’.
Definition of a ‘cure’ for diabetes:
Eat what you want, as much as you want, anything you want, any time you want, without having blood sugars higher than 100. Eat with impunity. Eat without taking any form of supplements, medications or treatments, ever.
There are no cures for diabetes, with one exception - for type 1’s, they can ‘cure’ theirs with a pancreas transplant most times.
Here’s hope for all diabetics: If stem cell research can continue unhampered by the governments of the world and religious zealots imposing their moralistic beliefs on everybody else, a cure for diabetes can happen within the next 10 years.
About your feelings: you should see a psychiatrist and get some Citalopram. It can help with the depression. It may take some time to adjust to this disease and all of your feelings.
If you can actually survive the initial stages, you can have some sort of a life. But remember always, your Master (diabetes) will not let you do many things. It can punish you severely depending on how it feels (aka your blood sugars).
I don’t mean to make anything worse, I speak very plainly about things and don’t “sugar coat” anything if I can help it, no pun intended.
As time goes on, the spinning ride will slow down and you can begin on focusing on the other aspects of your life Call it damage control for your emotions.
Handle the emotional roller coaster as best you can, getting meds if you need to. Sooner or later, you will begin to feel better. It just takes time and a LOT of effort. And more self control that you have ever had in your whole life. Think of diabetes as a boot camp at times. Your drill sergeant (diabetes) makes you do things even when you don’t want to.
And if you’re very good, every once in a while you can get some ‘Liberty’ (eat something bad).
Choose an anchoring point - maybe one of your kids if you have any. Stay focused on them. Live and treat your diabetes for them. Once you become accustomed to self treating, you get into the habit of taking care of it. You would still be around for ‘them’. If you don’t, you might not be around for anyone.
To help control my emotional problems, I try to keep my blood sugars well under control. I will eat pizza once in a while, but try to plan it ahead of time. If I don’t ‘reward’ myself regularly, I will backslide and ignore my new boss (diabetes), and be punished later down the road. The self rewards give you goals. Keep things well under control, and every 2 weeks or so, you can be naughty and eat a little (emphasis on LITTLE) something bad.
About once a month, I will eat exactly 1/12th of a Hershey chocolate bar. Sure I want a whole box of them, but that portion amounts to 2g of sugar, and the whole box would hasten the destruction of my kidneys. But that is a treat and it gives me some emotional relieve. A semblance of my former life. Without causing too much harm.
The more self control you have, and the earlier you exercise it, the less symptoms and complications you have to deal with.
I still go through the reminders of what once was. But That door is closed now. A new one has opened.
I did discover that a properly controlled diabetic is one of the healthiest people on the planet.
Aside from my horrible disease and missing out on most things, at least I am healthier in my other aspects.
You will too be that way, as long as you take proper care of you ‘master’.
Suggestion: some people google Dr Bernstein. This might give you some insight.
Personal note: I have never been in denial over this disease. Depressed, yes, crying, yes, angry, yes, but never denial.
I met this disease head on from the onset.
I told my doctor that I will control this disease, not the other way around. He said “that is a great attitude”.
I instantly knew I was diabetic the moment I got my blood sugar results from the GTT - came back at 294. A1c was 6.8 and fasting was 127.
Don’t take this disease laying down. Fight it and you can win. Don’t fight it and you go blind amongst other problems.
Blindness alone should be your greatest fear. If you are diabetic and blind, you are almost a complete invalid.
If you think you’re mission out on foods, think what you would be missing out without your eyes?
Get some meds for depression, see your doctor regularly, test often, and keep as tight a control as you can. Things should improve for you really soon.
Good luck. It’s all in your hands now.
Hello to you! I see you posted this way back in January, but I was compelled to reply because I just had almost the same exact experience (my Type 1 diagnosis date was Jan 23) I was sick for a few months before that and kept denying to myself that I could have Diabetes. I, too, have diabetes all through my family. But I never considered that I could have Type 1 (because of my age- 31) but here I am. Your story is just like mine; my BS numbers were in the 500s (and I had ketones in my urine.) I, too, finally went to the ER and got the news I didn’t want to hear.Until it was determined that I was Type 1 (at first they had me on metformin- which didn’t help at all in lowering my numbers) I was also afraid to eat anything because my numbers just shot right up. And boy, was I hungry (the type 1 was starving me, and I had lost 25 lbs and was sooooo hungry!) When my doc told me I was Type 1 and gave me insulin, telling me to eat, I actually cried and said Thank you
It’s only been 3 weeks, and I still cry. So go ahead and cry it out. It’s okay. It took me a full two weeks after the diagnosis before I let myself cry it out, but when I did, I felt better (After a very long day at the doctor’s, I sat in front of my dinner and just broke down. Because I had already taken my insulin, I had to eat, so I sat there, crying, spooning grilled tilapia into my face. It’s kind of funny now I hope you’re doing better now, and that you have begun the journey into your “new” life. This site has been so helpful to me, and the people on here are just absolutely fantastic and know what we are going through because they have been there- they have the same fears and triumphs and kind words… Please take care and find strength in this community.
take care
devon
Oh boy do I understand your feelings.
I have the same one’s myself, even after 3 months from diagnosis.
Best advice is to hang in there. It will become easier with each day. Take one day at a time.
Here’s something useful for you-
Eat sugar free jello with sliced strawberries in it. Smother with whipped cream. Tastes great and barely a spike at all.
Another thing you can eat is nuts. 1/2 to 1 cup. Loads of the good fats, protein, and doesn’t want to spike you either.
Eggs are great. Have 1 egg with 1/2 grapefruit in the mornings. That usually won’t cause a major spike.
Just watch out for the mornings though. Almost everything you eat will want to raise blood sugars, so very little is best.
Once you get your meds, eating will become less of a catastrophe, but it will still be a challenge until you figure out what spikes you and what doesn’t.
Avoid all kinds of bread at first. NOTHING with any form of sugar either. No potatoes, but you could sneak in about 6 french fries if you have enough self control.
You can eat almost all the veggies you want, but avoid root veggies if yo can. With the exception of Onion. It seems that onion can help control blood sugars in some people. Another food you will want to try is Jerusalem Artichoke. It contains a substance similar to insulin called ‘inulin’ (no ‘s’ in that spelling).
If you need an antidepressant, ask for Citalopram. One of it’s side effects besides helping with depression is lower blood sugars.
Want some good news? Well, it seems that dark chocolate can help you too!.
When you get settled with your treatment, try about 1/6th of a real hershey candy bar, and see if you spike much.
You know… Depression is in many ways, a form of denial. You are denying yourself the fact that life goes on… That you CAN have a good life with Diabetes, and actually be happy, that if you include your family in this, and cruise for many recipes on this site, you CAN have many, many sweets, and seemingly naughty foods, and enjoy some quality to your life… even have some sugar, if you manage your portions. Diabetes is NOT your prison right now. It is your mind that is the prison. Your Depression is your prison. It is like blinders on a horse; it keeps you from being able to see the whole picture, and only focuses on one thing, and one thing at a time only… and this is NOT good. I know this because I, too, suffer from Clinical Depression… And I know when the severe episodes hit, they will NOT go away with only meds or therapy. You HAVE to confront your feelings about this, and make a plan of baby steps to attack the things that most trouble you about your disease. I think you really need some help right now, with this… And I would highly suggest to join groups for low carbers on our forum, join groups on depression, to relate to others, and maybe ask your doctor for a therapist, or even a social worker, who is used to talking to people who need help coping with a chronic illness, and who can help you deal with these new changes in your life. Living like a robot, and just doing the minimum to keep blood sugars controlled (ie, eating foods which are okay, but do not satisfy you, and not trying to somehow incorporate some sweets in your life, or to learn how to handle restaurants)… but not really doing much else to improve your happiness with this disease IS a form of denial… And, sadly, you are showing your kid that ‘settling’ and not making the most of your life, whatever comes your way, is what he should do with his life too! Forgive my honesty, but like you said, I do not sugar coat things. LOTS of folks low-carb in our community, and they have succeeded greatly! They have their sweets, and go to their restaurants, and enjoy themselves! Diabetes is NOT the end… but it’s very hard to see that, right now, because you have to work on getting the blinders off… Do not give yourself into the Depression. She is a lying, conniving wench, and a fickle mistress! She’ll just as soon give you a ‘pat on the back’ with the ‘woe is me,’ as start coming down on you about how ‘crappy’ you are.