The heartbreak of needle bruises

It's a curious thing, needle bruises. It breaks my heart every time I see them. Being that you have to preserve the tissue and are constantly moving the shot sites around, my son now constantly has bruises all over the backs of his arms, and the tops and backs of his legs. The bruises don't last more than a couple of days, but seeing them everyday and knowing that I give them to him makes my heart hurt. It's amazing how many emotions are locked into this disease and how I have to shove them down in my daily pursuit of a perfect blood glucose reading. My son, the bravest person I know, will now smile and laugh through most of the pokes, which is a relief, but it doesn't stop the bruising. When everything is put into perspective, it's obvious that the bruises are a necessary evil, I guess I am still wavering on the line of complete acceptance, and still hoping that I will wake up in the morning and this will all be a horrible nightmare. Now when I look at my son from across the room I see evidence that Diabetes is a real daily struggle. I believe that these days my acceptance is still a faulty fa├žade, I go through the motions and provide for my son's needs yet I still hate it all. Hurting him in the moment of the pokes and injections is hard enough, now there is a lingering declaration of the trauma that my baby endures multiple times a day. To save his life I vow to continually administer anything he needs, the moments are just that, moments and then the day goes on like normal. I must admit that when the day comes when we decide he is ready for a pump, though that will bring with it a brand new learning curve, I will welcome the preservation of his finger tips, and his arms and legs. I often wonder how deep he has to dig to find the courage he displays almost every moment of everyday. My husband is down trodden that Carter doesn't get the choice to be in the Service, yet Carter is on the battlefield every minute of everyday. He battles his body every minute, his body has turned on him, and but for God and the medical advances we are lucky enough to live with, my son's bravery wouldn't be enough. I am grateful for the insulin and this regime that I dread, it keeps my Carter being the best son, brother, nephew, grandson, and great-grandson that he was meant to be. The bruises will fade, but those bruises, and this whole scenario makes our love for each other be that much more evident.

Very well written Alyson. Diabetes is a struggle, but one that most of us can overcome. Btw... Carter is seriously cute. :)

Beautifully and honestly expressed. This was a privilege to read.

You say your son is brave, and I know that is true. But I'll put your courage right up alongside his. Parents of diabetic kids have in many ways the toughest job of all. Certainly the one with diabetes has to be strong to stand up to the challenge; but the parent has to have that same strength several times over, to be the glue that holds the family together. All that in addition to having to be a diabetes expert. Perhaps there is a harder job, but I'm hard put to think what it might be.

You and your son are very fortunate to have each other. Know that you have all the support here you want. Keep up the great work . . . and let us know how it's going!

Well written. We are brave and remain in battlefield always but enemy is hidden within ourselves. Me T1 since 1982

can you imagine what it's like to have been poked for 77 years?
i am now 80+ & have had t1 since i was not yet 3
you are doing an excellent job
you will both be fine

Thank you everyone! we are only 3 months in to Carter's diagnosis and he is 20 months old so the terrible two's are staring. It's been a journey for sure. I love seeing the longevity that you shares @shoshana27! It proves that with great management, T1D's can do anything and live a long life! Thanks @David, it's true what you say; I will never fully understand what Carter goes through, but the worry I feel is so real! I also have a 4 year old who is not a diabetic so the balance has been interesting. I keep her as involved as I can, this is why I started blogging ( in an effort to give myself an outlet to express how I am feeling. It's been pretty cathartic, so that's been nice. Thank you @richmatik, I think Carter is pretty cute myself! ;)

Thanks hello123! Glad to see that you have successfully managed T1 for 30 years! :)

touching post Alyson, you last line totally sums it up though because of this your bond with carter will be that much stronger, 'lucky' for us Jacob was diag at 10 now 15 crazy my husband and I can be looking at pictures and be like oh that was before diabetes, in a spiritual moment my husband said we were lucky god gave us 10 years diabetes free. in anycase I always had a strong bond with Jacob but we are really close now sort of out of necessity but in a good way he knows I have his back, now that he is getting older I love him enough to let him go into the world and do what he wants to do trusting he will make good decisions. 3 months in you are still probably totally in shock, but as you said you have the medicine and knowledge to make this a workable thing. of course being in the trenches of it all, only another mom of a child with diabetes will understand your worries and concerns. this is a great site for support and knowledge. many blessings to you and your darling son. amy

Thanks so much Amy! I really appreciate your comment, you are so right....I think I am still in shock as this whole thing came out of left field. Diabetes doesn't run on either side so for Carter to have been diagnosed with this is weird. I agree about the stronger bond, I can already see that even though we are so new to al this. I like what you said about him knowing the you have his back! It's so true! I will keep you guys in my prayers!

Such a beautiful post. I also visited your site and loved the secret place you shared with your 4 year old. You are doing so great as a Mom and a diabetic Mom at that. I hope that you will find someone to replace you from time to time so as to recharge your batteries. Wish you all my best. As everyone says here, things do get easier with time.

Thank you so much Mari_in_France, I am working toward training my family members who live close by. They are still apprehensive which I completely understand. But are willing to help when I need which is nice. My husband is my current back up but he works 5 12 hour days a week so that's hard. But it's always nice to know that things get easier with more experience! Thank you again for your kind words! :)