The Tale of the Deadly Diabetic Diablo Burger

Last week I posted It’s Burger Time, Baby ( This was a fantastic moment as I discovered I could have a hamburger and keep my blood sugar on target. I am talking about a burger WITH a bun, not a bun-less burger (aka a ground meat patty with salad on top). One thing I failed to mention in that posting is exactly what kick started the burger craze that is currently taking place in my home. Think about one of the most cruel television programs known to diabetics. This is how I refer to the Travel Channel’s MAN V. FOOD! Mr. Man LOVES this program. We pretty much don’t miss an episode. If you have never seen it, think – a man highlighting the “biggest” foods and eating challenges in different cities. Hamburgers routinely make the list. I think I have literally seen every combination of the most bizarre ingredients imaginable – think a fried egg and peanut butter on your hamburger! Yes, on the same burger!

I am pretty much a sucker when it comes to Mr. Man and I enjoy making him happy. And, you know what they say…… the way to a man’s heart…… Well, this diabetes thing put a pretty big dent in the menu of items I prepare now. He is an absolute champ as he scarfs down spaghetti sauce over steamed zucchini while complimenting me on how good it is (I told you – CHAMP!); however, I still look for ways to cook meals that are exciting and new AND are blood sugar friendly! Enter MAN V. FOOD and the grand idea to replicate one of the burgers highlighted on the show (replacing ingredients with their low fat, whole wheat versions). How difficult could this be – jalapenos, serrano peppers, onion ring, low fat cream cheese, 96% fat free ground beef, whole wheat bun? Not difficult at all if you don’t count nearly killing Mr. Man, MiMi, our 2 yr old – oh, and myself!!

There is no way to tell you last night’s happenings that could possibly detail the hilarity that ensued; but, I am going to try. I mixed the 1lb ground beef with ground pepper, garlic salt and A1 steak sauce, divided into 5 patties and set aside. I sliced 4 slices of onion, leaving the rings intact, and set aside. I chopped the 6 jalapenos and 6 serrrano peppers and put in a bowl. In a small mixing bowl I mixed about 1/3 c flour, 1 egg, 2 c fat free milk, chili powder & ground pepper and set aside. In a skillet I put 3 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil and heated it up. I then poured the bowl of chopped peppers into the oil to sauté. Did I mention that I did not de-seed the peppers? I have been known to exaggerate a time or two, but I am not stretching the truth AT ALL when I tell you that within minutes my entire family was sneezing, coughing, hacking, and gasping.

I have never experienced ANYTHING like this. The rest of my family was driven to waiting for dinner in the backyard; while I bravely faced the peppers inside (with the help of a trusty bandana tied around my face). I am NOT kidding! If anyone knows how this happened, please share! Do the seeds put off a gas as they cook? Was it the peppers? The jokes at my expense are nowhere near slowing and I have to tell you, I absolutely deserve it! As soon as I turned off the heat and moved the skillet the relentless “pepper burn” came to and end almost as quickly as it began. However, I was a fool to think this evening was anywhere near over.

I went on my way…… I dipped each onion slice in batter, let as much batter drip off as possible and lightly fried them in extra virgin olive oil. The patties were cooked on the grill. When they were ready I carefully constructed my masterpieces. From the bun up: fried onion slice, meat patty, 2 BIG spoonfuls of peppers, and 2 slices reduced fat cream cheese laid side by side, top bun. They were beautiful, smelled heavenly and would hopefully be very kind to my blood sugar. After one bite it was clear…… these would forever be known as the Deadly Diabetic Diablo Burgers. Although my blood sugar handled them well, there was nothing kind about these burgers. There he sat, trying to maintain his “champ” status with sweat drenching his brow as he complimented the meal. He actually said, “my scalp is itching.” What kind of pepper can make one’s scalp itch? I could not even finish my burger and that has to be a first!!

I THINK the outcome might have been pleasurable if I had de-seeded the peppers; but, I am too emotionally scarred to try again. It will a very long time before I attempt to replicate anything involving peppers. This will go down as one of my funniest, potentially dangerous, cooking snafus!

Smile, Laugh, Love!!

The Dishing Diabetic

The first, last, and only time that I cooked with jalapenos, I discovered that I have a violent reaction to them - my hands felt like they were on fire . . . . I’d remove the seeds and the veins while wearing gloves next time, unless you like the thermonuclear effect!

I wouldn’t be surprised if the heat causes the oils to aerosolize, which would explain the burning.

– Dov

Gloves are definitely in order IF there is a next time! I will have to have the med student hubby bring home a bog of surgical glover and a surgical mask (just in case!)! ; )