The year after I was diagnosed

It is funny. As a child I cried watching this the year after was diagnosed. (My parents also took me to see Alien in 1979 so this is not so odd.) I remember feeling so much remorse but a strange sense of purpose to decide to live my life as fully as I could under the conditions I found myself in. I wanted to be a replicant .

I think now as I am at the same age as the character in the film, this scene resonates still. Its not the melodrama, ( which there is plenty of here, heh) but the simple opening words

"Quite an experience to live in fear is it. That's what it is to be a slave."

One of my favorite films from that time. Wasn't diagnosed when I first saw, but have a new perspective from you.

;-) Thanks Gerri. I appreciate the sentiment. It was funny, when I met my current girfriend 10 years or so ago ( we where only friends up until 2 years ago) I saw her email was "replicantgirl" and that memory sort of came back to me and I knew I would be with her one day . Hahah. The amusing thing is, it was not a linear path, but I got married to another woman when I moved to Homg Kong ( which is the city on which the movie is based) and by chance we met up with my friend for lunch at a sushi joint. It stuck with me again, how I had a feeling I might be with this person for some reason, and when my ex wife decided to leave me for another man, and I returned home, I found a few years later, she broke up with her 8 year boyfriend who we all thought would be with her forever... and here we are now. Somthing to be said for silly signs and synchronicity.

Aaah, yes, hear you on synchronicity. Paths, at least the good ones, are rarely linear.

Now, I have to see Blade Runner again.

It was one of the few films that presented the fragility of life, and the importance of the moment without feeling that heavy handed or obvious. It is still a lesson I need to learn far better than I have allowed myself. Though I imagine my armchair musing are indicative of my isolation here in my room in Saigon. Haha, don't even get me started on Apocalypse now. My other favorite.

You were so young when you saw that film. Such a sensitive & intuitive child. Agree how well it depicted the fragility of life. I was in funk for days after seeing it. The heavy atmospheric quality also weighed on me. Always meant to read the book. Apocalypse Now & The Deer Hunter also effected me deeply.

I know. Like I said, my parents were interesting. My first movie in the theatre was Close Encounters. I just remember Blade runner really well. I was an odd quiet kid I guess. I had actually almost died at birth, ( long weird story to that) and then came down with temporal lobe epilepsy. I grew out of it but by that time I became Type 1.
So... 3 flatlines later and I am here and strangely not in tune with life as I was when I was little. I have, as Rutger said, been a slave to fear for the past 10 or so years, so I keep myself busy work my butt off to stay healthy, and hope for the best. What else can one do. Though I think I am missing a key ingredient to all of it.
Acceptance? Faith? Grace, something intangable, but really vital for me to live peacefully again.

Apocalypse now never made me sad, always hopeful. Deerhunter just depressed me.

Another couple movies I find crazily compelling are Amadeus and Immortal Beloved. Both make me snif back tears like a baby. ;-)

Apocalypse didn't make me sad. It gripped my insides. I didn't move a muscle first time I saw The Deer Hunter. Depressing, very. I find Amadeus compelling also. I wanted to go to Prague from that film & did. Haven't seen Immortal Beloved, but know the story. I should rent that.

Can understand how surviving three flatlines would make you a slave to fear. Don't believe adults are as attuned as children. I reflect on the feelings & thoughts I had as a child & wistfully think--how did I do that & why can't I do it now? I feel I've gotten more stupid as an adult & was a wise kid.

I feel I've gotten more stupid as an adult & was a wise kid.

I know that feeling well.

Not an encouraging feeling. How much dumber will I be next year:)

Another film I find compelling is Dracula because of the stunning visuals. Gary Oldman was wonderful. Too bad Keanu Reeves & Winona Ryder were cast.

Attack ships on fire!