I haven't been out on this site in some time. Not really sure why although I know it has nothing to do with this site but has everything to do with me. I popped back in today and noticed my last blog entry where I said I was going to be better and more active, well that didn't pan out the way I thought it would.
I've been bad over the last year about my diabetes and guess I sort of went into a form of denial. I really didn't deny I had it but I ignored I had it and in a way I was denying that I had it. I know, it's confusing. I don't understand it myself.
I used a lot of excuses over the past year for ignoring it, my job was stressful (it was but still not an excuse), I'm just to busy and forgot, and the worst one of them all "I'm fine".
My system has been out of whack this past year, I've been a little more agitated than normal, I am more short fused than ever and I'm out of control. What I mean by that is I'm not in control of my life as I normally am. I'm reactive and not proactive. I let little things get to me and feed off the drama of others. I need to correct this.
I have some co-workers that are also my friends that have a form of diabetes, either type 1 or 2 and I notice a lot of them come to me for advice which I gladly offer. The problem is I don't take my own advice. Not sure why that is, Maybe it's this odd desire I have to take the punishment and learn something from it so I could help someone else. I think I may change that and see if they would like to form a group or something. I think that would help all of us, we could learn about each others conditions, what things trigger spikes for each other and also keep an eye on each other. I guess like a mentor or support group does.
One of my co-workers was telling me about another co-worker we had lost a couple of years ago. I hadn't known about how he had passed but that he did. Apparently he was also diabetic, he worked in the creative area and would use his diabetes like a drug. he would let himself get so bad that to him, he felt it fueled his creativity and if he kept it under control he would loose that "edge". unfortunately he wouldn't listen to anyone and we have now lost him.
That kind of shook me and I realized that I can't allow myself to get to that point or go down that path. I know I'm more productive and better when my BG is normal. I'm more calm and less reactive when someone is stressed and being a jerk. I don't do resolutions as I never stick with them but I do do goals. So I'm setting myself a few goals to do things that help me maintain my BG and the rest of my health.
So here's to a new year and outlook on my life. I'm in control and I'm being selfish and taking care of myself.