So I've been stuck in this depressed mood for awhile lately...and I really hate how most of my posts have been complaining and depressing lately...but here's another one:
I've come to realize that to me, food isn't food anymore...it's just a number...when I look at any kind of food my first thought now is not "oh it looks so good" its "how many carbs are in this!?" it's even worse if it isn't pre-packaged and I have to basically guess...then I start panicking trying to figure it out. *sigh* I'm still depressed about the whole cgm thing...I can't get it out of my head and I know I'm never gonna be able to afford it..and even if I were able to afford some of it I would maybe be able to afford half a year of it...I guess it just upsets me when people are able to have cgm's but then they never use them...and I'm not trying to offend anyone those are just my negative thoughts that I gotta get out...I just get so upset because I try so hard...I test almost 10 times a day...I always count my carbs..even if I do have to guess or I miscount...my numbers haven't been the greatest since the endo changed them and I think he kinda screwed them up..I go to see him in a month so...I don't know I mean I'm glad my A1C has gone down...I mean it's gone from 16 in April? to 6.9 in October..so I am happy about that but thats about it...
I understand Shayla, I usually get fed up with the Winter drawing in, but for some reason it hasn't bit me yet. Hopefully your mood will lift shortly. Sometimes I go off food altogether and just cannot be bothered, or I go the other way and crave sugar. Are you just getting the hang of carb counting ? It does become second nature, well you still need to weigh portions. I would also love a cgms, maybe next year. I do think that with the amount of people pushing for them the price will drop. Did you really drop from 16% to 6.9%, I'm still in shock. That is an unbelievable achievement and you should be very proud.
You drew a picture in my mind of a plate with numbers written on it. No food, just numbers. Made me giggle. Hey you are doing so well, your number counting must be working. Things can only get better. Hugs, Maureen
16 to 6.9 is a HUGE improvement and you should be really happy about that. While a CGM is very useful, other stuff, like a food scale and good book about carb counts (I like Calorie King...) can also help you improve. MrsAcidRock had found a free app called "Lose It" that counts stuff with an easy interface for your phone, the camera scans barcodes for packaged stuff but it's also very easy to use for unpackaged food and does a pretty good job. I like the interface for choosing portions better than Myfitnesspal and, when I use it, I will notice that things will smooth out, probably because I'm closer with my counts. It's also sort of fun to enter stuff in so maybe try that and see how it goes?
Thanks everyone for the comments…and yes I do use the app lose it I agree it is a nice app to have 
I guess this just all bothers me cuz most people don’t even think about what their eating they just eat but we have to be so mindful of it…it just gets exhausting
That's one thing I like about running. In some ways there's an advantage to diabetes because knowing what's going on BG-wise is very easy when I'm out there, since I don't want to ruin a good run with bad BG. I've seen people throw up at just about every race I've been to (although not in Chicago this year?) and figure that they were overloading or whatever. It's sort of a game to me and I try to "win" as much as possible. Even when I screw up, it's an opportunity to do a good job cleaning up the mess and go on to the next one!
I don’t vary too much with my breakfast. Oatmeal or bagels are my common choices, and I bolus accordingly.
With lunch, I pack the night before, so I know my exact carb counts when I take it to work the next day.
Supper is no different. It’s pre-packaged or it’s something I’ve had before and can calculate the carbs.
Holidays and special occasions, eating at restaurants can be the tough ones
shayla,
first of all congratulations on the drop in a1c! that is awesome and must have taken some hardcore logging and changes!
it would be great to have a cgm, wouldnt it? ill probably never be able to get one either. i was diagnosed almost a year ago and have just spent 7 glorious weeks without having to shoot up novorapid, just levemir, and so no lows, didnt really have to think about them. just last week i noticed the numbers creeping up and now im back on the fast acting. it fills me with anxiety and negativity, planning out my exercise and food intake with what seems to me like military precision again. all to avoid hypos. it would be fab right now to have a cgm.
im just doing what you do, testing like crazy and feeling like i am at war with food. at war! i hate/am afraid of food right now. youre right, it is exhausting. i cant remember what i thought about before D!
were all with you on this! and really, the cgm, big, big canula thingie...uuugh!
I think it's perfectly natural to feel a little down after your bg control improves. Sugar is bad for us, but make us feel good. Dealing with food, I find it helps to focus on flavor, rather than quantity. Most of the things that drive up our bg are either very sweet or bland. After a while, I find I can do without either. Hope you feel better.
first of all, congrats on getting your a1c down!! give yourself a big pat on the back for that. I'm sorry you're feeling so down- there are times when I feel stressed that it's harder to deal with food/eating etc., but for the most part I feel better about things currently- I still have times I am miscalculating insulin/timing and when things just go crazy- I had one day that looked like a yo yo! That is my worst problem currently. I tried a CGM and I couldn't tolerate the sensors or the constant beeping and inaccuracy.
I think you can get over the panick by realizing that even if you make a mistake you are testing a lot and you can easily correct it with your pump. I would like the flexibility of a pump but again I could not tolerate a line in me 24/7.