Wow, I gotta tell you, I understand where you are coming from, we all do. I really is how you approach this nightmarish disease. The disease that doesn’t follow the rules, or play fair or be nice or be consistent. In the 47 years I have been battthis monster, I have realized there is no “winning”. Diabetes will never be my friend, we don’t like each other,but I do respect it and I think it has come to respect me also. Because I keep plugging along. I use to let it beat me up and I would take every out of target number as a failure.
Over the years, I have realized, I will never conquer it, but I can work with it. So if a number is out of whack, I fix it, try and trouble shoot and move on. I don’t beat myself up anymore. It is what it is and I try very hard to just move on.
I will stress, like everyone else here, don’t withhold your insulin. It is deadly and quite frankly, it makes me feel worse than anything else out there. The way I felt when I was diagnosed and was in a coma is a feeli never want to feel again. Everyone has a different level they can handle but if I have an infusion set issue (no longer since using metal) in less than 2 hours I could be in a world of hurt.
A couple of thoughts that might help but please take what you want and throw the rest (or all of it out). A different treatment plan might work. There is so much happening now. The new basal insulins are so much better than some of the older ones, inhaled insulin is an options, some of use have been using type 2 medications, the 670g is the first of many and it is not a true closed loop pump, more are in the works. Ones that will take all the thinking out of it.
Also, you need to think about your medical team. Your team is there to support you and find what works for you, not for them or what they think everyshould be doing. And your team needs to be complete. I have a PCP, an endo, a CDE, an ophthalmologist, podiatrists and a psychologist/psychiatrist. You need the, all working together to find what works for you.
I also suggest a support group or workshops/conferences where you will meet other people with diabetes and you can hear first hand how they handle all the ups and downs.
I know how tough it is. I was in the depressive black hole for more years than I care to say. But with a lot of work and help, I am no longer in that black hole and take each day on with a smile. Yes, some days the smile is bigger than others but I try.
Please, please be safe and let us know how things are going. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.