What I Would Do

By the way, this is directly copied from the post on my blog at www.overnightbite.blogspot.com

This post is in response to the TuDiabetes question for the month of February. It's a bit overdue, but hey, it's still February!!! The question is: What would you do with a diabetes-free day?

Well, seeing how I was only diagnosed about a year ago, I have a mind stocked up with memories about life without D. I remember all the crazy things I did (well, ate) without worrying about blood sugar and insulin. And trust me, I ate pretty irresponsibly. I was under the impression that I just had a fortunate metabolism, which is why I could eat without gaining anything. Then I started actually losing weight, but well, you know what happened then. And that's a whole other story. Point is, I remember all too well what it's like to be D free.

However, having diabetes for this long has actually influenced my answer to this question. Yeah, before diabetes I was carefree and ate everything under the sun and slept in until 2 on the weekends. You'd probably think that, given a break from diabetes, I'd do the same. Actually, I would not. I am a creature of habit. And now, it is my routine to wake up, test, calculate, dose, eat, etc. If I woke up one day to be told that I was diabetes free, I would probably not believe it. As I've mentioned countless times before, I am paranoid (I seriously need to look for a synonym for that word) and I would still be worried, or at least concerned, about my blood sugar. I'd probably test just to be sure.

Everything I ate, I'd still count the carbs for out of habit. I'd say, "Okay, so I'm going to eat 30 carbs, my insulin to carb ratio is 1:15, and.... what was my blood sugar?" Then I'd realize that I didn't know my blood sugar, because I hadn't tested, because I was free. And wherever I went, I'd look at numbers thinking, "That's a great blood sugar!" or "That clock needs some insulin," or "Give that freeway exit sign some juice!" (Yes, I'm a wee bit crazy. That's what diabetes does to the brain.)

I'd automatically start rubbing my fingers together when I woke up, preparing to do a test. I'd reach for my Omnipod PDM, only to find it no longer there.

[Keep in mind that I'd go back to waking up super late, for sure!]

I'd still keep in touch with the friends I have made through diabetes, and through diabetes camp. Truth be told, I'd be a bit sad that diabetes camp would no longer be a place for refuge (though I'm sure it'd continue, right? Hopefully?) I'd still read the blogs, and write posts, and automatically look up at the TV when I hear the word 'diabetes' mentioned in a commercial.

So as you can see, on a diabetes free day, or week, or month, or whatever, I wouldn't really be D free. Because it'd still be on the brain. This is not meant to be a depressing post, by the way, just a truthful one.