For the last few years, I’ve been struggling with my body image. I was mistakenly diagnosed as Type 2 when I was 27 and I felt that my weight at the time had something to do with it. After that, I vowed to do everything I could to be thin and have great bg control. In six years, my A1C has been higher than 7 only twice. To do this, I limited the amount of carbs I eat everyday and have had about 3-5 lows per week. I also began not taking insulin whenever I ate something that was high in carbs because I didn’t want them to “count.”
In the last 6 months, I have had troubles with my family and high stress because of it. To deal with it, I just focused on exercising and improving how I look. This made me hungrier and I made more bad food choices. In the last few months I stopped taking the insulin when I should and my bgs have hoovered in the 20s mmols for days at a time. I lost some weight doing this, got a lot of compliments and felt better about myself.
I know it’s wrong and I know that I should stop doing this. I resolved to take my insulin properly and get back on track, but every time I do, I feel worried I will gain the weight back and getting distressed and I can’t bring myself to do it. I have avoided blood tests as they would surely trigger a call from my doctor.
I’ve seen a psychologist at the diabetes centre twice, and I have not told him what I have been doing. What will happen if I tell him the truth at my next appointment? I work full time to support my family, and I don’t want to be put in treatment that would take me away from my job. I also don’t want the embarrassment of others like my endo or fam doc to find out.