Why are you NOT taking care of yourself?

Treatment
41

Lee Ann,

Thank you for your continued comments. What I have seen from this discussion is the fact that 2+2 actually equals something like 432… something completely unexpected when it comes to how different individuals live with diabetes. I have no right to judge anybody… I know this… and get upset with people who judge me so shame on me. Let me take this opportunity to tell you I understand now where your comments came from at the start of the discussion. Thank you for the research materials you shared… believe me I will review them as I have to believe there is a side to this story that will help me understand more about how we all deal with diabetes.

Something I have seen through these discussions and other posts is there is a poetic approach to the many descriptions of the struggles with diabetes. It is a beautiful way of musing your feelings, good and bad. An art form is created when you paint your stories the way everyone has.

42

No no! You’re not an insensitive jerk, you just sounded like one in the original posting.

This has been a very good discussion. I think I have taken it for granted that I have grown up with an in-house support group (my family has quite a history of diabetes). I wonder if some of the people in that study who don’t take care of themselves didn’t have a support group. Also, I was diagnosed when I was a kid, so I didn’t really have a choice, I had to take care of my diabetes because of my parents.

I do think this emotional energy you have can be used for good. I’m not sure what the solution is to helping people who don’t take care of their diabetes take care of themselves, and just like diabetes itself, the answer is probably complicated. But I think we are on the right track!

43

Thanks Michelle! I am going to keep going… and learning… and sharing… I agree, we are going to figure this thing out… or at least try. I feel it is too important no to.

44

I accept your apology as well Joe. :slight_smile: When I read your first post this morning, I’ll admit that I had to go cool off for a bit before I’d let myself reply lol. I’ve accepted what you’ve said afterwards, and I get that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions.

I’ve realised that the reason it hit me so hard was because ironically, in the past, statements such as “do you want to die?” from so called medical professionals were exactly the things that did make me want to. When I was 9, I’d been diabetic for 2 years and was really trying my best. I was terrified of needles, my mum did my injections and since the doctors I had only got me to take two injections of mixtard a day, my control was sporadic no matter what I did. I then was taken aside by a doctor, and told to list all the things that were going to go wrong with me if I kept “fooling around like a child”. I remember crying and telling him that because I was “bad”, my kidneys were going to fail, and I was going to go blind and before I could get any further, he interrupted with, “That’s if you don’t just die before you’re 20.”

I felt like the biggest failure, and that made me lose motivation completely. What was the point anymore? I’d tried my best and failed. It’s not the right way to talk to a human being, nevermind a 9 year old.

Even when I was 15, and told that I should start taking multiple daily injections, it was almost stated like a punishment. “If you’d only taken care of yourself properly, you wouldn’t be in this position and you would still only need two injections a day.” Niiice! Not only did they not tell me that this was the new advancement in diabetic treatment, but they acted as if it was allll my fault. That welcomed me into a world of not telling my friends that I was doing injections at school, and refusing to check my sugar levels in public. I felt like the whole world was turning on me.

Combine that with family problems, friend issues and all the other stuff that comes with growing up, and you’re looking at the tip of the iceberg of reasons why someone might appear to not be looking after themselves.

Thankfully, in the past few years I’ve realised that I’m better than the majority of the doctors I’ve dealt with, because unlike them I do have the ability to treat others like humans rather than scum!! This website has also done so much for me in the past month. I haven’t been here long, and already I feel like I’ve developed this whole new approach to how I handle things.

Anyway, I’m doing my usual thing and going off on a tangent, so I’ll just go back and say that I do accept your apology Joe, I just felt that I had to put my opinion out there too. :slight_smile:

45

I cannot believe how terrible your doctor was. It is awesome that you have your motivation back! I still to this day lose motivation when I go to the doctor, I know they need to tell me to do better and have tighter control, but it is hard to hear that from someone who doesn’t have to live the disease. Can’t the doctors just once say “Diabetes is tough, you’re doing a good job, keep it up”?

Well Bronagh, diabetes is tough (it downright SUCKS sometimes) but you’re doing a good job, keep it up, one day at a time.

46

Infuriating & how terribly sad the way you were treated. On another thread, two people commented how they were told by their doctors they wouldn’t live. One said his doctor told him he’d better decide what he wanted to do with his life because he didn’t have much time (I’m paraphrasing). Both these people have lived decades past their “death sentence.”

I can’t even begin to imagine anyone talking like that to a child! I have two nephews with cystic fibrosis, another not fun chronic condition. They’re adults now, but I saw them grow up with a life threatening disease & know what it’s done to them emotionally. Thankfully, they always had caring & sensitive health providers.

You’re brave & strong & beautiful. If anyone tells you that you’re not doing great, come to us!

47

Joe - I did not think you were a jerk at all - the initial question is perfectly legitimate. Yet why did it produce such a collectively defensive reaction?
I’ve been thinking about this all day.
The DCCT gives us hope - true concrete hope that we are not on a rudderless ship waiting to be smashed against the rocks when the winds come. Incidently, I wanted to be in the DCCT, but I had had db “too long” to participate…
I think part of the problem is the small nagging voice that tells us we’re bad or weak when we make an unwise choice. And then there’s the guilt. I went through some serious retinopathy 8 years ago and it could have been a great opportunity to feel guilty. After all, I did nothing to take care of the db in my early years. Did I deserve to have blood pouring into my eyes for 3 days straight? I don’t think so. Was it a consequence of my neglect? Probably so. Deal with it and move on. BTW, I can see just fine now.
It’s hard to deal with everythng that db throws our way and squeeze a life in, too. We get excited about some new development or gizmo. Then the gloss wears off and it’s back to square one - day after day after day.
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with your question. I think some introspection might be necessary for me.
Thanks so everyone who participated here - it was great hearing all of your thoughts and perspectives.

48

Great discussion. I’m learning a lot here!

I’d have barked at you too, Joe, if I hadn’t read the whole thread. You’re not a jerk…sometimes phrasing things like this using the “you” pronoun makes people take it more personally than they otherwise would. I’m a “newbie” Type 2, and what scares me most is the unpredictability of this disease. I’m doing all the “right things” now, but how do I sustain that over the long term? Are my “right things” the real or only “right things,” or is there something else? And even if I can do it all, what if it’s still not enough to prevent the complications or death? Even the most conscientious of us could drive ourselves crazy worrying about it.

Regarding Type 2, I’m sure part of the issue is the conflicting information people receive from the medical establishment…when they receive it at all. (In a type 2 mailing list I follow now & then, some folks received their diagnosis through the mail…some were told they had it and not given any guildelines on what to eat or not eat…some didn’t have access to a CDE or nutritionist.) I’m finding that my healthcare team has some very different ideas (from each other and from the study) of what constitutes proper care: my doctor and the CDE she sent me to have different acceptable fasting ranges (<120 vs. <130) and the CDE and nutritionist are supportive of my self-developed plan, but the booklets they gave me at the beginning were geared toward ADA guidelines. Not to mention I was prescribed strips for testing twice/day…but I take that Rx with a grain of salt and test when I feel the need to do so. And I’m one of the lucky ones with insurance and health care.

49

Something nobody has mentioned yet is the limitations of statistics. For instance, just because doing those four things resulted in 76% less eye disease OVERALL in this particular study, doesn’t necessarily mean that every single person in the study had 76% less eye disease. That isn’t how statistics work. One really great or really terrible outcome can skew the numbers for the whole group.

I’ve only been diagnosed (T2) about a year and a half and I go back and forth between feeling terror over everything that could happen, and total confidence that I’m never going to have any problems or complications from diabetes at all. Neither emotion or belief seems to have any reliable effect on my actual behavior. People are not robots, and sometimes our behavior does not compute (at least not in ways that are readily apparent). As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I did “everything right” at first and saw a dramatic drop in my A1C, from 12 to 5.0, in just a few months. Having seen the results of my diligence, why would I then go back to eating my carefully measured 40-gram serving of ice cream after dinner most nights? Will I someday want to kick myself for having indulged in this weakness? Right now I’m due for another A1C and I’m terrified to find out what it is. It can only get worse from here, right?

This idea that doing everything right will prevent any of us from having to suffer and die “before our time” is just not true. Maybe we can improve our odds, and that’s certainly worth trying to do. But again – statistics never tell the whole story, and life does not come with that kind of guarantee for anyone, diabetic or not.

Thanks for an interesting discussion, everyone.

50

My doctor wasn’t very understanding, wanting me to get back to work right after being diagnosed and leaving hospital. My dietician, on the other hand, was great. The thing I remembered most from my first education session with her was her looking at me as she left and saying “you’re going to be fine”. It’s funny how such a small statement, coming form someone who deals with diabetes regularly, makes such a big difference.

51

First of all you have to understand that everybody’s diabetes is different. For a lot of people their condition is not as easily treated as yours. My best AIC has been 6.3 and thats with checking my blood sugar 7-9 times a day, counting carbs meticulously, and bolusing if its even slightly high (I’m a type 1 on an insulin pump).

Many people are insulin resistant (both type1 & type 2’s). I am a type 1 and my body now produces antibodies against the very insulin that keeps me alive. Consequently I have had to adjust basil rates throughout the day (its not a perfect science), and I’ve had to increase my insulin usage by about 45%. There are many diabetics so insulin resistant that 50 or more units does very little to lower blood sugar levels.

Not everybody is like you Joe. Quit being so preachy and be a little more empathetic. Diabetes never gets easier to control, it only gets more difficult. As a Type 1.5 you will discover that fact.

I agree with Dino’s post 100% (the one before this one).

52

because it’s not as easy as it sounds. how would like to have high blood sugar every time you turn around because of something different all the time? If it were so easy it wouldn’t be an epidemic in the usa. don’t be critical. why do people with lung cancer keep smoking? why don’t fat people just eat right and take a walk everyday?

sorry if i sound like a bitter jerk, i can accept that i’ve turned bitter and sound like a jerk. big deal. this condition sucks and if you don’t have the full blown condition and still make your own insulin you’ve got it easy. I’d trade with you any day.

53

Steve,

I chose unwisely in my verbiage in my first post. The community here at Tudiabeties is quite different from the research results… this community tries. What I should have said is “why are diabetics outside of tudiabeties” NOT taking care of themselves. I also know the dangerous use of “you”… I know better than that… I NEVER use “you” with my wife inless I want to fight… which is never wise with her…

Let me say that again, this community tries and they do the best they can with what they have been given. I am a 1.5 and do you know what that is like? It is like being thrown out of an airplane at night with no parachute. You know you are going to hit ground i.e. become a type 1 at some point but you have no idea how long you have to fall. So yes, I am trying to make the best of my situation. I have a beautiful wife and three very young kids, 5 years, 3 1/2 and 18 months… so I have changed my lifestyle, I am doing everything that I can so when I do hit ground I am not going to be in the hospital or worse. I have a grace period that I know not many of you had. You were basically tossed out of the plane and hit almost instantly. I don’t know if these analogies are accurate or not but I am trying to make sense and learn what is coming my way.

Steve, best of luck and I wish you a lot more better days than bad. I can only try to imagine your frustration with doing what you are supposed to do only to have the continued results that you have. At the end of the day, you are trying and that is a lot better than not or giving up. Again, I could not imagine giving up with my family so close to me. For those in this community who do not have a close family at home, you have each other here… and that is amazingly powerful!!

54

if i see someone who doesn’t take care of themselves i don’t have the energy to worry about them, i’m busy enough keeping up with my own defects. i have negativity struggles as you could probably tell, so i don’t need to worry about others or else i would never get anywhere. be thankful that your average is low and that you are healthy. if somebody doesn’t want to worry about themselves then why should you worry about them? and as far as being a jerk, i’ve been there too. i struggle with being judgemental. I constantly have to admit to myself that i shouldn’t be so negative, critical, or judgemental. sometimes that’s part of learning and becoming a better person. nobody is perfect

stay on top of your condition because it’s a killer

55

  1. Fear is not generally a good long-term motivation for people. Telling them “Take crae of yourself OR ELSE” does not really work, as witnessed by all the doctors that say it till they are blue in the face.

  2. SOME people will do everything “right” without improved numbers. Especially as a type 2, there is a huge prejudice that we GAVE OURSELVES this disease by not taking care of ourselves. In many cases it is simply not true. We spent YEARS busting our asses trying to lose weight, while at the same time our body was pumping out fat-retaining insulin and foiling our efforts. Many of us have tried so hard, for so long, that the diabetes diagnosis feels like such a failure. Thin people simply do not understand how much we struggle just to lose 10 pounds.

  3. Many people just don’t get the information. They are told to keep their BG below 200. They are told to check their BG once a day, in the morning. They are told to eat a high-carb “exchange” diet. Not everyone has the energy to go on the internet to learn the newest treatment regimes, and not everyone is brave enough to directly contradict his/her doctor.

56

I inherited high cholesterol. I take medication to keep it in check, but even before my cholesterol started creeping up, I exercised and tried to eat healthfully, (low fat, lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains,) because I wanted to live a healthy life style… be responsible. It is no different with Diabetes. Either you take care of your health or you don’t. Even if it’s not your fault that you are prone to certain conditions,you must be responsible.

57

I needed to hear that, Elaine. Thanks.

58

I was very rigid for years. NO refined foods, ate with caloric guidelines, exercised religiously. Didn’t do a thing. I am worse off now. This is genetic, and you can’t fight it.
Years ago, they told people who had ulcers it was caused by stress, now they know that is not true, it is a bacteria.

So telling diabetics they can control their blood sugar, etc., doesn’t work. I have a doctor who told me not to bother with testing. I said Really? He just put me on Metformin, which ravages your system.

59

Metformin “ravages your system”? What does that mean? Metformin is one of the most effective treatments for T2!

60

and Metformin is very hard on your kidneys. just because a drug is good for one thing, doesn’t mean it is good for another.