On a morning like this the picture book or the picture on a tin of chocolates of a thatched cottage with an English country garden looks like someones fantasy but I know when spring and summer returns these scenes will fill my tired eyes once again, the country lanes the meadows and secret places where time stands still are all there waiting to be found, as the rain pelts down on the windows I often think of those times walking to school when I was 10 or 11 not a care in the world no overcoat and cardboard stuffed in my shoes where the soles had worn away but who cares at that age life is a big adventure,it has been over 20 years since we moved from the hustle and bustle of the Black Country to the not so busy countryside in Shropshire, OK we live on one of the big council estates designed to take the overflow of people from the jam packed Birmingham area but although we are surrounded on both sided by neighbours living in a terraced house the countryside is but a five minute walk where you can or I could in better days immerse myself in the beauty of county lanes meadows and some secret place I stumbled on my wanderings.
I might have been able to cope if you ever can with diabetes but the heart attack took all the stuffing out of me and made me almost house bound and dependent on others may they be loved ones or not, for like may thousands of diabetes and heart failure patients we do rely on the love and generosity of those around us, in my case I could not in all honesty look after myself day in day out,only last week I got confused with victoza and insulin and took a dose of victoza three times my daily dose, there have been times when I have forgotten to take all my pills or do not remember if I have taken them or not.
Taking so much medication must scramble your brains at times now having to take anti depression pills as well makes it even worse, so I do long for those spring and summer days where you can forget your own troubles for a short time and imagine running to school in the rain and sitting all day in damp soggy clothes and wet shoes,inside us are all those people we have been baby school child teenager middle aged and now in my case old aged all have seen good and bad times all have felt the sun on our faces and at times jumped with glee at being who we are.
Back to reality taken my morning pills vistoza now here goes 0.6 not 1.8 take insulin and anti depression pill later
Here I sit while lucid for a while and the pills kick in, my chair creaking no carpet on the floor radiator not working dog barking but so happy to still be breathing Gods good air, wife gone to work smudge cleaning herself and the rain still chucking it down in buckets it is great to be alive even on a day like this.