I figured I write why I haven’t been online. I have been online per se but haven’t signed onto here. A lot has been really going on in my life and really got the best of me.
My depression comes and goes even though I am on meds, it still is there. The meds do work but if I skip a day I feel like crap. I must remember to take it but sometimes I do forget. I know partly why my depression still lingers around. And I am trying to handle it the best way I know how.
I am STILL job hunting! I finished the CNA program back in January and passed the state exam in February but no bites on jobs. I am very frustrated, not so hopeful, and disappointed that I wasted time. At least that is how I feel. I do see a recruiter that MassRehab has referred me to. The organization works with people of disabilities. Seeing that I am hearing impaired, I can go to her. I do look forward to it but at the same time it will be the same old stuff that everyone tells you. I was utilizing the workforce center near me but even with the classes I took, I am NOT getting any calls and the person who ran the classes said that we would get results. Well, I haven’t seen any so. I am hoping to get a job soon. My license expires in February and I need to do 12 hours of inservice in order to renew it. I need a newer job so I can pay rent and bills. I havent’ been able to so I have been asking for help where I can. I hate how my life is right now to be honest.
My uncle. Its a sensitive subject for me. He passed away. How, is the sensitive thing to me. It has turned my life upside down. He was only 6 years older than I. So to lose him 2 years after reuniting with him has taken a big toll on me. I think he is still here then again I realize, he isnt. I’ve been pretty much hiding from my friends a bit. I turned into a hermit crab. I am trying to come out of it but again its been a hard time for me. To wake up at 7am to find out that he passed was the hardest email I have ever had to read. When my aunt passed away last year it was hard but I have gotten to the point where I have made peace with it. My uncle on the other hand, I haven’t been able to make any peace at all. But I have reunited with a few more relatives though.
In June I had my appendix removed. I was in the ER one day, released, then to be called back the next day. I was stayed overnight. I got to see the Bruins win the cup from my hospital bed. Which was exciting for me but couldn’t jump up and down. I have three scars and finally can say I’m fully recovered. My belly button is sensitive but at least it didnt chance that much.
So all in all, I do not know how I am surviving. I somehow is. I hope to come out of this and be thriving soon. I miss having a lfie. I miss being out there in the world and not worry about stuff. Someday I will be.