Hi! I think that you are asking a lot of the right questions!! and taking a great approach…
I also used to eat whatever I want and check and correct later.
Now, I eat whatever I want (almost), but I work it into my plan. SO if I want something high carb, that’s fine, but I need to plan ahead: bolus and wait 15-20 minutes to eat. This REALLY helped me get rid of highs after eating.
Also, for many meals, I add an extra 10g of carb for my bolus and then I wait until an hour after eating and eat 10g of chocolate. I have found that this keeps my blood sugars normal.
All of this takes discipline, but since I started living a more disciplined life about 6 months ago, it feels normal now. I don’t feel deprived, but my control is much better! There is a balance and I’m still trying to find it, but I’m a lot closer than i was a year ago.
Sounds like you are on the right track as well!!