A Mom's Worries

My son is coming up on his one year point. He was diagnosed on November the 14th 2009. Yes… I know why that date is ironic… it is World Diabetes Day…guess he celebrated it in a big way last year.

Over all… everyone would be saying we are doing well… His A1C is at 7.0… not bad…could be better and his weight since going on the Omnipod pump hasn’t gone up much at all. Most days he feels good…with days of highs and lows which are to be expected. But… are we really doing well? I am mostly the one makeing decisions about numbers to be changed in his pump… it is like an educated guessing game…that I play w/ my son’s life? Can you imagine that? The responsibility of that? The guilt when things go wrong? God forbid…things go really badly? Now I read…and read and learn and learn and listen to the Doctors…but still… it is me and my son who do the daily control of everything.

Each night… I make sure things are good before he goes to bed…I have to decide…is his numbers on an up trend…down trend or will he be stable…is he having pump change highs…or lows… Do I check him just once or every 2 hrs… if I don’t…and something goes wrong…could I ever live with myself?

Yes… he is 16 and can do all of this 100% now on his own if he had to… but why would I leave all this on him…when I can be here to take some of this burden off of him. Let him live as normal of a life as I can give him. Others…family and friends…say he should be doing this all on his own… How can I do that? I am his mother. How can I leave him to struggle w/this alone. I won’t and they can judge me all they want. I would take this whole condition from him and put it in me if I could… Gladly! He maybe 16 but his is my son and will always be my baby.

How is it…that I am soooo knoledgeable about everything but feel I know nothing? How is it that I do everything right and all hell can still break loose? How is it…that no matter what I do… I can’t make things go perfect. Am I a perfectionist…hell yes… this is my son’s life we are talking about…

What if I do back of and someting happens? Will there ever be a day that I don’t have to worry? I worry becase I love him… so very much and am sooo proud of him daily w/what he goes though in such a mature way. He should just be living the life of a teen… w/out all this added to it.

Ok… I vented. Do I feel better… nope not really…but it helps.

I totally get what you are saying, but he does need to learn how to take care of himself. If you infantilize him you face the prospect that eventual rebellion against YOU will also mean rebellion against good diabetes care. Why would you leave this all on him? Someday, ostensibly, all of us leave everything on our kids, and they need to know how to live independently.

Hey Katz,
I hear your worries. I was 16 when I left home (had been diabetic for 10 years at that time). I had been thru’ some rough times with my diabetes as I wasn’t being “good”, put my Mum thru’ hell, but I remembered all that she did for me, in trying to stay healthy with diabetes and just life in general - I mean - isn’t that what Mum’s do. Yes - I cursed her at times - but I grew up and realised all she meant was well (we are best friends now).
Guess what? I’m a perfectionist too with my diabetes as well - tho’ this came on much later in life (in my 40’s). So far, touch wood, no harm done to the way I lead my life before that. Just be patient - and glad you vented here with us!!! Here a Tudiabetes we’re either a parent with a child with diabetes, or someone dealing with it, we get you totally.
BTW, on a brighter note - do you know that your son’s diagnosis date is the birth date of Dr. Banting (he was born in the year 1891) and discovered insulin here in Canada in 1921! That is quite an honour!!! Tell your son I said so :slight_smile:

Anna aka FatCatAnna - The Roller Coaster Ride of Diabetes - Whoo! Whoo!

I do NOT infantalize him in any way…we are a team… he is totally capable of doing it all on his own… I just help by doing what I can to make the load a little lighter on him… I wake up in the middle of the night to do the night time testing and I make sure he has all he needs… but everything else he does… just because I call him my “baby” it doesn’t mean I treat him like one. You took what I meant all wrong, Frances.

Like I said, I get what you are saying and that you are coming from a good place; but you ought to be working to transition to him being responsible for his own care. That’s why there’s diabetes camp, for example–so that even pre-teens can be responsible for their own care. If something like a CGM would help for overnight maybe he should get one if he doesn’t already have one. Or you could wake him and he could test himself.