While scanning the varieties of available coffee at the local grocery store, my cart was quite suddenly rammed by another and in turn into my hip. I looked up from the bag of grounds that held my extreme interest to the smiling face of an ex-co-worker.
We laughed and shared a tight hug, asking each other what had been going on over the past 7 years since I left the shop. The usual talk of kids and college, cottages and stepping away from the bustle of urban life lead us to the topic of new jobs. She mentioned still being involved in the speciality food industry and then dropped the tidbit that she had been contacted by our mutual ex-employer asking her to come back.
Then came the question...."What was the real reason for you leaving?"
A myriad of thoughts jumble around in my mind...memories of the pain of being on my feet for 8 hours straight, visits to the podiatrist leading to the discovery of neuropathy and charcot, wearing a large "ski boot" walking cast for 6 months straight followed by what would amount to 5 years in a foot brace, pain and more pain. I explained to her the straw that finally broke my back, and almost cost me a foot, came in the form of a red line climbing up my leg from a large open wound on the bottom of my foot I had no idea was there. I talked about the week spent in the hospital and the calls of concern from my boss asking me if I'd be ok in time for the holiday rush. The disappointment I felt at finally telling him no, I wouldn't. The nasty attitude and spiteful words he spewed at me...."Don't bother coming back to the shop and don't you dare think of using me as a reference after leaving me in a lurch like this."
"I had no idea." was all she could say.
She proceeded to tell me of how she broke her ankle a couple years ago and thought of me and my foot brace and the pain I would mention after a long day. "I had no idea how challenging it was for you. I thought you were just complaining. If I had known then like I do now after going through just a small sampling of what you experienced, I would have been so much more empathic."
"I'm sorry for telling you to just buck up."
We exchanged numbers and agreed to have a night of wine and cards and shared another tight hug.
I was reminded of the Native American saying..."Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins."
I’d never wush D on another person, but truly, I wish, for just 1 week (Cause I think most could handle a day, and walk away thinking, hey, what’s the big deal) or maybe a month they could have D. I know they don’t understand how hard we work day in and out, and not just after punching the clock. . .
This so makes me cry. I love fast paced jobs. I rarely got sick, and I rarely called in.
But in 2007, during the huge stress of going through a change in managers in our department, I got very, very sick. I got major depression, and I was nauseated all the time, and wouldn’t eat. I had to go on family medical leave, which my employer sort of gave me crap about in the beginning… And it lasted forever. I completely exhausted it, and still… People just thought I was depressed and giving me more and more meds, and I sicker and sicker. My employer forced me to return to work full time, or they would fire me… And when I did, I had a major seizure in my office… And couldn’t come back. To this day, I can’t find a job because of them… Because they tell people I was irresponsible, and that I was a bad employee… Even though I was very dedicated, had perfect reviews, and did so much for so many… When I got sick, they just assumed I was lying… and pushed me aside. It was later discovered I had Type 2 Diabetes, and now that it’s under control, I don’t have any of those issues anymore, at all. No Depression, no nausea, vomiting, or anything. But now… my life will never be the same… And even if I told those people, well… They’d never believe me. It’s left me with such a huge hurt inside. I haven’t been able to move on very well.
It was an amazing meeting indeed, and it sound as if you will have fun renewing that old friendship. It is also amazing that you have overcome those five years of a boot, braces and pain. From what I have read about charcot’s, it is a big, demanding problem.
Big thank you’s to all who’ve shared such wonderful comments. Yes, charcot sucks! Yes, dealing with people who lack empathy sucks too.
The positive is that I’m able to feel empathy for people like I never could. In some ways, I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve had due to complications…it’s made me a stronger person.
Empathy and compassion are often very difficult. Especially when you have to buck the whole office, the whole prevailing culture, to be an understanding, caring friend
To my shame, I haven’t always been strong enough or aware enough to do the right thing, and this story just brings it all home.
I love fast paced jobs. I rarely got sick, and I rarely called in.