Recently, I have decided that I am not hiding my diabetes any more. I have found my voice after many years of hiding it. I have shared my decision to go on the pump with many of my friends, several who didn’t even know I was diabetic. With the pump and the Dexcom attachments, it is a little harder to hide than a pen. Tonight, at my daughter’s basketball game I had two epiphanies.
My youngest daughter, who is quite athletic, made my heart smile tonight. She will end up playing varsity for four years in each sport…softball, basketball, and soccer. So far, she has been elected captain in softball and basketball. (I am a little proud of her) But as I watch her play toward the second period, I saw her standing there, as a referee was making a call. I knew that stance too well. She was having the beginning signs of asthma. As the opponent player miss her first free throw, I caught my daughter’s eye, and she knew that I knew. She turn to her coach, and gave him the sign that she needed out.
She has suffer with asthma and some other medical conditions, all her life. She struggles with the cold weather, pollen, exercise, and every cold she catches. When she was younger, a simple cold would land her in the hospital. When she was nine, she was once classified as failure to thrive. Her well day daily medication consists of seven different prescription that keep her from wheezing. But all this time, she insisted on playing sports. She would wheeze her way down the field. Her soccer coach would scream at her, you okay Stoner, you want out? And her answer was almost always NO!
As she left the basketball court, I saw reach under her chair, and take a few puffs of the magical dust of albertol. As soon as she was done, she turn to her coach, who ask her some question. He then waved her back in. There she was, eager to get on with her game. She has never hid her asthma. She takes puffs her medicine when she feels like she needs it, and she never once cared who saw. I have even heard her explain to a random person who ask if she was doing drugs, “Well, yeah, I am a Stoner” Then laugh and say “I have asthma, and this helps me breath. You know breathing is something I like to do”
There it was. Why haven’t I notice that before? Why have I insisted on hiding this? What is the difference between me and the big D and her and the big A? And then it slapped me in the face. ATTITUDE It was her attitude about it. I didn’t want to be judge. She just didn’t care if you judge her, she just wanted to play ball.
As the game ended the third quarter, I was surprise to see an old friend had shown up to watch her play. As we hug, she hit my dexcom transmitter that I wear on my arm, and she ask, “What is that?” Yes, she is one that didn’t know about my hiding my diabetes. As I explained, she began to ask questions. She was shocked to learn that there were different types of diabetics, and what to know the difference. I explained, and she asked more questions, including some about an eight year old niece who recently was placed on a pump. It was a great discussion. No judgements, just sharing of information.
When I got home that night, the second epiphany hit me. How many times have I missed the chance to educate people about diabetes because I hid it? How many times did I miss the opportunity to educate people the difference on type 1 and types 2? How many times did I miss the opportunity to advocate on the importance on a cure?
But all that has change. I have found my voice. It is loud and clear. And I don’t care who ask me. I now know that I can stand and say “Well, I am a Stoner, and I shoot up insulin to live. I kinda like living, you know” But there is one more important question that needs to be addressed.
How many times have you miss the opportunity to educate?