Expert of my own Diabetes and everything that sucks about this effin' disease

my diabetes is the first type and i have learned so much in the 6 months since Dx…when i look back to the first few weeks after i was released from the hospital i am surprised i didnt kill myself accidently with insulin…i gave myself my first shot of insulin laying in a hospital bed in an ICU hooked up to more machines than i’d ever seen on tv…it seemed like a big deal at the time. the staff must have thought my training was complete because all i left the hospital with was my new Rx’s,my insulin scale and several photo-copied sheets about diabetes and insulin therapy…i fill my Rx,get home in time to have my first diabetic meal outside the hospital.i test and get the insulin vial out of the fridge.while i’m opening the box i notice the insulin scale printed from the Pharm is totally different than the one i walked out of the hospital with…i went with the one i already had…i feel like i’v been winging it so much with this disease and insulin therapy. the amount of work it takes to maintain anything close to decent bg is overwhelming!!!

i’m sure that i’m mostly preaching to the converted here but everyones diabetes is different and one must become a expert in ones own diabetes…the other choice is a horribly painful death after suffering years of complications. i often find myself thinking “seizure,coma,death” in that order…almost like it’s a mantra against complacency…the diabetic must be vigilant at all times!

i had about 7 or 8 major seizures and god only knows how many minor localized seizures over a 3 or 4 day period…they were very scary, a lot of the fear came from not knowing what was going on and what was wrong with me but i still would not like it to happen again.any other seizure victims out there that want to share? i would be very interested to hear about it…i remember every second of mine…not fun!

there arent many things i would call “good” that have come out of my many Clinicians and people without diabetes and especially people who have never had any exposure to insulin therapy and dependency, so many people want me to find the silver lining in all this…i just cant! being forced to do anything because i have a chronic disease does not count as a silver lining! having the opportunity to become an expert in my own diabetes is not a perk! i am angry and i am negative but i do not need perspective!

the thing i struggle with the most is the genetic part of diabetes and the risk i would be taking if i ever met a woman that would be willing to take the same risk and have kids…i want kids but i also know what its like to be insulin dependent…i dont know if i could handle having my child go through what i do…diabetes is scary!

mabey it’s just that i’m a fresh case or mabey i had a rough experience that led to my Dx and mabey i’m having a rough go now because of this god forsaken neuropathy…i think yes but i’m not the only one…i feel like so many things about diabetes has isolated me,i think this disease makes me feel very alone…i go to two different diabetic “workshops” every is put on by Lilly and is mostly for type 2’s and pre-diabetics who have no clue how to manage there bg.i mostly go to this one to talk to the dietician and i’v got a thing for her assistant :slight_smile: the other workshop is put on by Medtronic and is mostly for anyone with a pump that has no clue how to really use it. i go to this one because sometimes no one else shows up and i get 2 free hours with a Certified Diabetic Educator. she goes over my log with me and we talk about diet and she gives me a lot of advice and help with things to talk about with my docs…its great and i feel like i’m in more control after i go…

there is no cure but we can manage

till next time…stay classy TuDiabetes!