I Am A Prisoner In My Own Home

Funny, my wife of 5 years (together for 10) and I were having this sam conversation last night. Im in IT and need to take classes constantly to keep up with the industry. She traveled as a kid all over the world with her parents in the state department and does not like it now. So, her sediments were you cant go. Mine were its going to happen. In the end I think Ill get to go and she will spend time with the kids and her mother. As others have said I think its a really good idea to have a distraction for Anita for the time your gone. If its entertaining enough, she wont even notice youve left!

I also second the full disclosure aobut your feelings stance, but know this isnt always an option in relationships. Maybe sending her on a train to atlanta to see the kids family would be a welcome option. In then end, I fear the overbearing you seem to be describing will only continue into other areas as well and need to be addressed. Otherwise they may turn into large issues down the road.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

Thanks onesaint, it is funny that Anita is now saying that since Prince William is going to have his big wedding in the late spring/early summer, then we would be foolish to go when we have planned. It would be too hectic with raised prices, people would not be available to attend the meet-up since they would rather see the wedding, … Anita will use anything as an excuse to stay home. I am now planning to fly to Dublin instead of London. The wedding would not interfere at all there. She had to agree. I wonder what her next excuse will be.

Its funny how relationships (and people) work isnt it. Our second little one (my wifes first) has recently turned 3 and my wife is on the way back from being on demand 24/7. So were are having to reacquaint ourselves with our relationship after a 3 year highatus.

Do you do things often without Anita? My Aunt and Uncle who have many years together, I find have a lot of independence after 40+ years years of being married. Is there some point of interest she has overthere or is she just not that interested?

Anita does not like traveling at all. She loves staying at home, but she will fly to Atlanta to see our kids/grandkids. It has taken me many years to convince her to go with me to the UK. I cannot do things without her unless it is something local, here in our immediate area. She would worry so much and I cannot do that to her. She saved me from many terrible seizures in the past, and even though they do not occur now, she says it would only take one time while I am alone, to kill me. She does not trust my pump like I do. I have not needed any help with a hypo since July, 2007. I cannot just walk away and leave her crying, I love her so much for what she has done for me. We have a wonderful marriage, and I want it to stay that way, until death does us part.

Oh, Richard, by no means did I mean to leave her unhappy. You know better than I, that you cant do that to your souse. I only was trying to offer another option in the event you were an more independent couple. My wife would ever let me do something like that either. She also is the one who wakes me up when the Dexcom is sounding an alarm at night.
In the end I suppose trying to communicate how you feel is the best way to approach the situation. Good luck!

Here is a link to a book I am currently reading…it is great, and you can read several pages of it on www.amazon.com to see whether you like the writing style.
How to Reinvent Yourself: Inspiring Strategies for Personal Renewal - Paperback (April 21 2005) by Marcellus B. Andersen
…From this title you will not see how it relates…but it sure does!!!
I recommend the book for ANYONE, but the way it is written it can be used effectively to change the way we view the world…It does not tell you what to think, but just how to analyze and see the SELF defeating ways your current thinking is keeping you back from doing what you want.
Because I have a degree in psychology, I can tell how effective it is. I am even going to try to discuss it with a person I am helping who refuses to give up huge quantities of alcohol, which is making diabetes and neuropathy and depression worse for him.
The problem is that each of us have got ways of thinking that we think is logical. Spouses often do understand their spouses manner of thinking, but the problem is how to get a convenient change that both are happy with.
We all know that people dig in their heals if they feel they are being forced to change, but if they see a reasonable rationale for the “why” of the change, it becomes a problem then of HOW to do it.
I think this book does a very good job, so it is worth paying for the book as you have to mark it up and work through it, and both will benefit.
I know I will not lend it out to the man I plan to discuss it with, as I will need to use it for years, using it on my own thinking, too, as we are all getting in our own way sometimes when we can’t even get ourslves to change, when we want to…this book helps point out how our thinking is counter productive, even to ourselves.
Also, for people who are depressed…don’t think that antidepressants are the only answer. I use B vitamins and nutrients too, on myself, but “perspective” is often what needs examining.
So, I recommend this book for ANYONE…go take a look at the table of contents and some pages… on the book seller’s web site…Don’t forget to read the pages, to get a sense of the logic he uses.
Also, I totally agree that we ant to get certain things done in our lives, but none of us likes any type of nagging or guilt trips. I can see why you want to do some travelling.
But if we imagine the WORST all the time, we could turn life into a living hell, but maybe one spouse thinks that is being loving because it is showing caring. Imagining in advance what things would be like if a spouse got into a car accident, is an example of needless misery. Find new ways of “thinking” and this book gives examples.
It is a lot cheaper than going for couples therapy. And you can apply it to any situation because it speaks about manner of thinking and gives examples out of certain cases.
Each spouse should read one full chapter and then you discuss it together…and do the next…don’t expect each to read the full book first, or something will get in the way.
Perhaps a couple should decide on a present that each person gains from actually going through it to the end, besides the obvious prize of a happier time with less worry.
Another idea is when you are off on a journey could your wife also go to a family member’s home for a visit?

Richard, did you ever get a continuous glucose monitor? If so, did that help reduce your wife’s worries at all?

I used a Dexcom CGM for eight months (Feb-Sept) in 2010. Then a change in my health insurance forced me to stop. Now I have an MVP, which is part of Medicare. CGM’s are not covered by Medicare. I gave my spare sensors to a friend.

My wife appreciated the Dexcom, but she also realized it was not very accurate some of the time, so she did not trust it. I used fewer finger sticks, but still tested during the night so my wife could sleep. The Dexcom was frequently very different from the blood test. My wife worried just as much as before my using the Dexcom.

So... did you go to England??? :)

Gina, Anita was sp scared about taking a very long trip to another continent. I could not do that to her. Of course she would not let me go by myself. i suggested that we fly to Minneapolis instead. It is a 2 and a half hour flight for us. She liked the idea. We went there in Oct, 2011. We attended a diabetes expo and toured the MOA (Mall Of America). There were meetings with my online diabetes friends. It was a wonderful trip. I was satisfied!!

Glad you've reached a compromise and it helped you with the traveling itch ;)