CHAPTER 19
Anita and I have been married for 43 years. I was diabetic for 18 years before we were married. She was only 20 then and knew nothing about diabetes. I rarely had hypos back then. I did not know about carb counting, there were no glucose monitors and there was no advise given by my doctors. When I became more educated about diabetes, I knew about carb counting and I had a doctor who knew a lot about diabetes. I started using tight control. I had hypos! I probably had two per week back then and about four per year when my control improved. When the hypos started in the early 70’s my wife was very good about it! She did a great job!!! I praised her every time she brought me out of a hypo. She devoted most of her time to our two sons. Many years later the boys were in high school and they demanded very little of her time. She was a stay at home Mom and she had a lot of time on her hands. The boys went off to college and so I was the center of her attention!!! She became a chronic worrier about so many things, including my hypos, which were not so frequent at that time. She would stuff me with glucose tabs when I had a hypo at night until I began to come out of it. She usually fed me 10-15 tabs before I awoke. My BGL a few hours later was 300+. I could not talk her into using the 15/15 rule. I needed only 4 tabs most times. We argued but she refused to give in. She continued doing this. She is an extremely nervous person, especially concerning my diabetes even though I have very good control now. She wants me to test every 2 hrs. including nights. Once every hour when we are out and about traveling, shopping, etc. Every time I turn over at night she wakes me up and wants to know if I’m OK. I love her to pieces but she drives me crazy!!! I lie to her when I test and she is not watching. If I am 70, I say I’m 90. She worries needlessly if I am under 80, even during the daytime.
My wife did start to become overprotective after the kids left home. They have been gone for 18 years now. They live in NC and GA and we are in NY. We only see them twice per year. My wife heaps all her mothering on me. I have realized that for some time now but there is nothing we can do about it. Our marriage is wonderful and I understand she cannot help being this way. Is it possible to be loved too much? HA!
I started pump training in May of 2007. My wife attended all the training sessions with me. She actually said that she thought that I would do much better and she would not have to worry so much. It was a dream come true to hear her say that! The very next night after she said those words I had a rather bad hypo. It was the first one since Jan. 5 of that year. She still seemed rather optimistic though. I was encouraged about pumping and her optimism. Now I have been pumping for 10 months and I have not had any hypos that required her help since June, 2007. So why is she still worrying as much ever??? I still have to test every two hours, I still lie when I have a test below 80 and nothing has changed despite the fact that my control is very, very good with no hypos that require her help. Her worrisome ways will never end. I am convinced of that.
After retiring I wanted to travel and see more of our country and Canada. I wanted to visit the UK and other European countries. Anita hates travel and loves staying at home. She even hates flying to Atlanta to see our kids and grandkids but she loves the visit once we get there. I want to travel alone. I am very confident that I would be perfectly safe in doing so. Anita says she will not allow this! If I go she will go with me even though she does not want to do so. I can not enjoy a vacation with her with me because I would know she was not enjoying herself. We would both be miserable. I am destined to stay at home. I hate this situation. I can tolerate her mothering me and worrying about me but I want to travel. I worked hard for 34 years and we have a nice savings that would permit the travel. The only solution I can come up with is running away from home. I would stay away for a few weeks and call her three or four times per day. She would eventually forgive me. She would be at home with her three cats, where she wants to be. She would be very angry but she would understand, or would she? I have been planning this escape for several years. So why don’t I do it? I don’t do it because I love her so much and I don’t want her to worry and lose sleep at night while I am away. I dream about this frequently. What would you do if you had this problem? It is not fair to me if I stay at home to make her happy and it is not fair to her if I take her along or run away on these dream vacations. We are getting older and I have to make up my mind how I am going to handle this.