I had undiagnosed epilepsy since I was a teenager. I was diagnosed around 25 when I had a seizure at work. It was witnessed by a nurse and a priest, so no one had the guts to tell them that they, “didn’t know what a seizure was,” or that they were, “lying about it.” Those were two big barriers to diagnosis.
Another barrier to diagnosis was that my main provider was an endo. When I said I had a seizure, she perceived me as saying, “I had a low blood sugar seizure,” which was impossible for her to believe because the result of that would be death. This happens somewhat frequently because people tend to view every problem a diabetic has, as something that can be traced back to diabetes. This was not that.
Often, when people get a diagnosis, they feel pretty bad about it. But lots of people go through large portions of their life without diagnosis of what ales them. Without a proper diagnosis, there is no way to start solving the problems that confront you. Some people have illnesses for which there is no name and no treatment. The illnesses don’t even exist in the medical books yet. People like that are in deep trouble. Think of people with long COVID, now. They exist in that space. Diagnosis is something to celebrate.
Having said that, a late diagnosis makes for a lot of long term confusion and huge obstacles. My experience was that I had to go back through many years of my life, and explain my life through the lens of epilepsy. Why did that strange thing happen to me on that day 12 years ago? Answer: Epilepsy. Why do I have trouble doing this thing? Answer: epilepsy. Who am I? Answer: an epileptic diabetic. What does it mean to be an epileptic diabetic? What things can I still do? What things can’t I do? How do I mitigate risk in order to participate in more things? What can be overcome and what cannot? How has epilepsy impacted my life experience? How is diabetes different than epilepsy? Why the hell didn’t we figure this out sooner? And on and on and on.
One thing I experimented with, as a way to understand epilepsy, was to understand diabetes. I joined this group as a way to better understand the experience of diabetes. That helped me differentiate between the two illnesses.
If I had to sum up, quickly, the difference between diabetics and epileptics, it is this:
1.) Diabetics do technology (that’s their real special talent as a patient group), epileptics do great lawyering. Those are the tools that each group turns to overcome challanges;
2.) Type 1/LADAs/MODY Diabetics have THE classic example of a blameless physical illness, Type 2s are the classic example of a physical illness that individuals get blamed (and blame themselves) for having. Epilepsy is a mix between physical and brain (but leans much more blameless than most brain problems, like mood disorders or depression). The degree to which the outside world, “blames you,” for your illness, has a big impact on people’s identity and relationship with their illness, in general, across large swaths of the patient community.
One of the great things about being from a “blameless” illness group is that we can be be public about it, if we want to be (there are risks associated with that, but also some benefits). We can advocate for ourselves and others more than people who have to keep their illnesses secret.