My Lula

41

Oh he must have been beautiful! Very cute description of how he would suddenly appear staring at you!I'm glad the video helped you to remember what he was like when he was well. For me, the suddenness has shaken me, but I know how hard it would have been to make that decision, and ultimately I know it was so much better for her not to have suffered. Yeah, it's hard that their lives are so much shorter than ours. But they give us so much while they're here!

I have some pics in my camera (I use an old fashioned SLR) when I tried to capture Lula and the deer checking each other out. I can't wait to develop them though I know I'll cry some more.

42

I am so sorry. Been through this several times myself with dogs and know how you feel. It sounds like you gave Lula a wonderful, full life and I hope you can find some comfort in that. And, as my mom always says, the best way to honor the memory of a pet that has passed on over that rainbow bridge is to help save another one. Pets, like people, can never be replaced, but there are so many of them in need of good, loving homes.

And, if you're not crying now, here's something I saw a few years back that I really believe in:

A Dog’s Last Will and Testament” (Author anonymous)

Included in a recently published book in Germany “Der Verlust eines Hundes” (The Loss of a Dog) by Elli Radinger

Translated by Janet Beasley

When humans die they prepare a will in order to leave their home and everything they own to all those they love.

If I were able to write I would also make out such a will.

To a poor, lonely, full of longing stray I would leave my happy home, my food bowl, my cozy bed, my soft pillow, my toys and the beloved lap. The gently stroking hand, the loving voice, the place I had in someone’s heart and the love which, at the end, will help me towards a peaceful, painless end while being held in loving arms.

And when I die, then please don’t say:

“Never again will I have a dog, the loss is much too painful.”

Find yourself a lonely, unloved dog and give it my place in your heart.

That is my bequest. The love I leave behind is all that I have to give.

43

Thanks, MBP. I like that thought. Oddly enough there was a cat that I've seen around the area and last week she was at the front door looking in at night and then at the back door the next morning. Lula chased her away when I let her out. (She was very territorial in life but I'd like to think she would write such a "will" as well). I'm nowhere near there yet, but one day will be.

As for tears, I sobbed when I called the vet and brought her in, then yesterday I felt kind of numb. Today the tears are back and my eyes are bloodshot. Thanks for sharing that, it's lovely

44

Zoe I'm so sorry for the loss of ur pet. To me my dogs are like my family members. I lost a dog about 8 years ago and it was as hard as losing my mom. My heart goes out to u my friend! If u need me feel free I'm always here

45

Not TMI:) Love those talking Siamese.

46

That voice was very effective: "Mama, I know you just let me in five minutes ago, but now I WANT to go back out!

47

Thanks, Doris. Just all these posts from friends are helping me not feel so lost.

48

They brag to all their friends about how many times the door is opened for them. In,out,out,in.

49

So sorry to hear that you lost your Dear Friend Zoe. I do know how you feel also although we had to have our Doggie put down years ago because of cancer. I'm glad that your Lula went fast. I guess it helps a bit to feel better. Our Daughter many months later asked for a bunny. Losing our dog broke our hearts but our bunny did help us all feel better after time. A cute distraction, I guess.

50

im sorry for your loss :(

51

Thanks ladies. It's rough - I can't stand being in the house anymore because I "see" her everywhere and then I go out for a bit and soon I am exhausted and want to come home to my "safe place". Then I expect her to be there sitting on her special "blankie" or at the back door waiting for me to let her in. I do agree that it is wonderful she could leave so peacefully but it's knocked me for a loop.

52

I think it good that we talk about what matters to us in our lives. Grief is so different for different people. I know you hurt. I would like to talk about cats, yet, I feel its probably inappropriate. Death sometimes does that to us: it should bring the good things in us together because we care. I care that you care (who else works with AIDS patients than those who care?) You are a good person and we are sorry about Lula

53

You are so right about those of us who live alone. I've got into a habit of "talking to myself" as if I was talking to her. Not just when it related directly to her but just about anything, like when I completed something or was about to complete something I'd come out with an "Alright, lula-bula!" It's nice to walk in the door and have somebody to say hello to.

54

Yes, you both are so right. Non pet-people don't understand and so we don't talk with them about these things. Relentless, I know myself and I know I'm capable of pulling way to far into myself. That's why I make sure to reach out to others, especially when I hurt. It doesn't take the pain away, of course, but it let's me feel not so alone, and prevents my mind from getting too dark inside.

55

I almost wrote about the "ghosts" we see, but didn't want to in case you weren't. How hard that is. Grief comes in waves.

Whether their passing is somewhat prepared for or out of the blue, the pain is still pain.

56

I don't actually "see" her, I just automatically look to her spots unconsciously thinking I will.I thought about moving her blankie off the couch but I just can't do it yet. It's more like "feeling her" I have thought I heard a cat meow a couple times because I'm so attuned to the sound of her appearing at a door and calling me if I don't see her.

I went through a 180 (twice I think!) on what to do about her remains. I don't want to offend anyone here but I have always not really cared too much about "bodies" because they are not the person or animal anymore. I also am on a tight budget for the next couple months. Like I told the vet if she was still alive and needed something I'd come up with the money. So I was just going to do the minimum remains thing. Then all of a sudden I thought about how I promised I'd always be here with her, She hated me leaving, so when she got sick I promised not to do any big trips while she's still here and I've kept that promise for 3 years. So I decided to get her ashes and put them at the foot of the hill behind the house where she liked to sit in the sun. Intellectually it means nothing to me, she isn't alive to feel lonely anymore. But grief isn't logical and emotionally it feels like keeping a promise.

57

Hi Zoe, we debated what to do for Winston as well. We decided to give him a peaceful spot in the flower garden, just off the "catio" where he liked to sit in the sun. I made a memorial tile with his picture and name to place there too. We haven't decided how we want to display it yet, but the tile is printed. It came out really nice and we are both glad that we chose to do this. And speaking of ghosts, we are hoping he will keep the squirels away from our bulbs. lol

58

I knew what you meant about seeing her.

I'm not big on bodies or remains either. Meaningless to me. I had quite a few tins of ashes on a shelf. We used to bury departed friends in our yard, but that's a horrible task with many tree roots. Last week my husband wanted to scatter everyone & each got a special section in the garden. Lovely gesture to pick a meaningful spot for Lula's.

59

Thank you, Randy and Gerri for sharing your end of life actions. That really sounds lovely, Randy. I really hadn't thought of any kind of a marker but now I think I'd like that. So the picture is a part of the tile or is it taped onto the tile? I'm not artistic so I'll have to check and see if the limited resources in my small town do this sort of thing. Maybe at least the tile with her name. That's lovely that Winston has his place in the flower garden.

60

So sorry about your Lula.