Today was a rough day. I need to vent because I feel like no one around me understands. This will be long winded, and if I repeat myself I apologize. I’m wiped out from today, so my brain is asleep.
I saw a new endo today (I usually just rely on my primary doctor because I have great control and have for years), because I was newly diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. I wanted to get more thyroid tests done if possible because I wasn’t put on any meds, despite feeling horrible.
The endo is putting in for an ultrasound of my thyroid and getting the same tests that I just had done again to monitor and checking my Vitamin D levels. But in this appointment, I just felt shamed and like I was doing horrible as a T1D even though I KNOW I’m not.
My primary doc did an A1C 3 months ago, it was 5.6. I haven’t had an A1C over 7 in the 8 years I’ve been diabetic, and I’ve been sticking around 6 for a very long time. I’m on MDI and just have a glucose meter, test 8-10 times a day if not more, I keep a blood sugar log and write everything down, and I don’t have extreme highs and lows like I used to right after diagnosis, after I switched to a new long acting insulin.
Today in the endo’s office they did a new A1C, it was 5.7. He uploaded all of my meter’s numbers and printed them out. I’ve had more lows recently (around 70) because it’s hot out, and I always trend lower in hotter months. I was told that I should never have lows. He also told me that I should never correct a high after meals, and only ever take insulin when I eat. He kept going on and on about how my numbers weren’t steady and that they should be a straight line. He said it’s always better to be high than low because a low can kill you. (duh, but so can’t highs??)
I have only ever had 3 times in my entire T1D journey where I’ve been super low (two times in the 30s, once in the 20s) and that was early on. I rarely ever drop below 65 now, and I often catch it before it gets there, but I was told I should never have lows, and that “it’s healthier to be a steady 185 all day long than have a low, because a low rebounds into a high”, which I don’t agree with because I always rebound to a healthy around 100 number. I used to over-treat my lows early on, but I know how many carbs I need now. I only ever over treat if I know I’m going to be really active or I’m out in public and don’t want to drop again.
He asked me general questions, like where I work, etc. I am a homemaker right now, planning to have children. I also have a Bachelor’s Degree in Healthcare Administration. Because I told him this information he said to me “You’re doing good, but you could be doing better considering your circumstances” and I asked him to explain. He said because I don’t work (I do work, I take care of our home, finances, outdoor tasks, etc) and because I have a knowledge of health care, that my control should be better.
Guys, I know not all endos are like this, but I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why they feel the need to act like perfection is possible!! I am a diabetic, why treat me as though my numbers should mimic a non-diabetic?
I went to him just to get more info on my thyroid to make sure it was safe to try to conceive, that’s all. And now I just feel stressed and like a pile of poo. I know I shouldn’t let one doctor get under my skin, because they don’t know my control, and what affects my blood sugars, etc. like I do, but it just upset me. I feel like I want a strong support system of doctors if I’m going to start trying to get pregnant, but if I’m expected to be perfect then I don’t know if I can deal.
This endo was so consumed by diet and the times I eat being the only thing affecting my numbers that I just wanted to scream. Also, the not correcting highs after a meal made me angry. Sometimes, as all of us, I can go up to 200 after a meal and I’m not just going to let it sit there! If I know I’m stacking insulin, I’ll take a smaller dose to get it to normal range without going low, which I do all the time. My lows lately haven’t been the result of too much insulin alone, and my highs (very few of them) haven’t been rebound highs.
It just astounds me why these doctors exist. I’m going through with getting the ultrasound done, and the labs done, but I don’t think I’m going back. I’m talking with my primary doc tomorrow to see if she’s comfortable monitoring my diabetes during pregnancy, and if so I’m sticking with her.
I’m just upset that he had my in his office for two hours, telling me non sense about stuff I already knew, and has a clear disregard for what T1D is really like. I don’t have a CGM, as my insurance won’t cover, but he’s pushing me to get one because he thinks it would make my control better. I’m happy with my control though, and if I can’t afford one, I can’t afford one. I’m open to one during pregnancy but I also want to make sure I know how to manage without one, which I do.
This is long, and I’m sorry for anyone who doesn’t care. I just am irritated, and was hoping for a good experience, but this is the exact reason why I haven’t seen an endo in 7 years. I can’t find one willing to listen to me, especially in my small area.