Teenage girl who won't check herself & give insulin, etc

i have a appointment with her tomorrow about this. & a appointment with a psychologist to.

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Really truly unusual that you would choose to ask about your 16yo here, yet you had no problem asking questions about your 27yo over on CWD?

Also amazing how much you wanted to look into getting a pump and do everything for you 27yo son, yet your 16yo daughter who honestly should NOT be expected to manage her own diabetes if she isn’t “there” yet emotionally, you don’t do anything for? I’m baffled - honestly, because I really just don’t get it.

You’re the parent - BE THE PARENT, don’t blame this on her.

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Way to be supportive, Sarah28! :angry:

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wow Sarah28 did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. & I’m doing stuff for her getting her into therapy is one of them. getting her to do her diabetes “chores” is a another thing we are working on. & as for her to manage her own diabetes i do help her. but what can i do when she won’t do anything. & says just let me die.

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I don’t know Amanda super well, but she’s nothing but a caring and diligent D-mom!

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Hi Amanda, my daughter is 17, diagnosed at 15. She’s struggled quite a bit with compliance and management, and has been hospitalized a couple of times over the past 18 months for DKA. Acceptance is slow coming and her anger and depression after being diagnosed took her to a dark place, but she’s in therapy now. I am hoping that it will help her come to terms with T1D in a way that enables her to begin to own managing diabetes. She has a Dexcom and I follow her sugars there, and we’re seeing the endo this week and going to try a pump (something she’d been resistant to before)…but the challenging thing for parents is that we have no idea what it really feels like for them to be diagnosed and live with this, and we can’t absolutely manage it for them. The etiquette for parents that Jack16 posted above is helpful and something I’d wish I’d read months ago. Hope your daughter gets the help and support she needs in therapy, and hope that some of the posts here have been a support to you.

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One of the hardest things is that as parents, we have it drilled into us from everything from our genes to all the media messages surrounding us that it’s our job to know what do do, tell them how to fix it, do something to put things right. So in interactions like this, there’s an almost overwhelming tendency to propose fixes, advise, say things like “You just have to [whatever].” Which to the young person on the other side of it actually sounds very different from what’s intended. Instead of “I love you very much and I’m trying to help,” it can come across more like “You have no right to be unhappy, and if I were in your place I’d be doing all this stuff differently and better!”

With my daughter–not a T1, but a kid with life-threatening health issue of a different kind–I went through all this stuff, and it used to drive me crazy that she would come to me with her anger and pain and all my attempts to say something helpful only made her more angry, making ME more angry, like “Well, what do you want from me then? All I can do is share my wisdom, experience, advice, etc.” But one day it occurred to me that I had to try something else, and so I simply agreed with what she was saying. At first I’d thought of it just as a tactic to avoid going through the same repetitive cycle, but once it happened I suddenly realized, no, this in fact is all she was demanding from me. And I realized I was happy to give it, too, because it was completely authentic. It was unfair, it truly did suck, and she was entirely justified to feel that way. And it was crucial to just leave it at that, period, stop, end of sentence, no advice, sharing of parental long-term perspectives, nada. Because the shift of perspective allowed me to see how all of that looked from her p.o.v., that it was just driving home a message that she was the problem, she was inadequate, etc etc etc. It didn’t make all the problems go away, but it did shift the ground of our relationship in a way that genuinely helped.

Not that you aren’t doing any of this, of course, but you know, there’s a lot of pop-psych cant out there, expressions like “validating someone’s experience” being one of the hoariest, and I think I was pretty insulated from what that actually meant. It wasn’t a matter of perceiving her in a new way, but seeing my own habitual ways of responding from her perspective and how they might mean something entirely different from what I intended. Like I say, we’re so heavily indoctrinated as parents to be the wise fixers of things that it’s really hard not to adopt that role when confronted with something we can’t fix. We can help, of course, but only if we’re on the same side, and I think that’s what she was desperately seeking from me that I hadn’t been providing, not in a way that worked for her on a level of emotion and trust.

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I have always had the highest respect for any parent of a type 1 child. I am a 53 year old child with diabetes and had wonderful parents who worried every moment of every day from the moment the symptoms set in. I was 8 not 16 so there was a little more parent control from the start with me. But I did go to a camp with 99 other kids with diabetes and I think for me seeing so many others who were living well with diabetes was very helpful to know it wasn’t the end of the world.
I would suggest maybe some counseling for her & the family as the emotional side of this gets lost and it’s always about the numbers. I also think if she can meet people her age with diabetes and people who have lived well for a long time with diabetes could be helpful.
There are many conventions out there that bring all kinds together and you could make it a fun family vacation/ learning vacation. I don’t remember the name but it’s held every year in Florida. Also TCOYD holds 1 day sessions all over the country.
And than here is something that will really hit home with every teenager. Driving. Just about every teenager wants to drive. Diabetes can make it very challenging if we are not careful and any medical professional/EMT/ER Doctor etc can have the DMV pull a persons license if they lose conciseness. If there are problems like needed help with a low, they can pull a persons license. Than it’s a huge struggle to get it back and many many hoops you must jump through. I will say that once I lost mine and yes I got it back, I am even more on top of my program. Many parents and doctors use the driving as a tool to help get some buy in to helping maintain some “control” of blood sugars.
I love what you and every parent of a person with diabetes does for their loved ones. You are all the best people out there. Good luck and just know us teenagers do finally get it. I am prove that we do make it and I am also proof that all those bad things they so happen don’t mean they will. Hang in there and keep it up!

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i can top this, she been caring for me, someone who is going through a lot right now.

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i just want to let you, know how she is doing,. she is in therapy, & she will do everything, but check her self,. & i did talk to her endo, about a pump, she is on the omnipod, but other then that, she is doing better, thank you all for the help,.

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Happy to hear this, Amanda!

well that is good, I’m back to school now, so i did not know,.

I am happy to hear she is adjusting. When we were leaving the hospital after diagnosis when DD was age 8, another Mom was riding the elevator with us, her DD admitted for very high blood sugars. She told us the teen age years were the worst time for diagnosis as teens are so rebellious anyway, peer pressure is so intense and the emotional roller coaster teens go through even without diabetes. I agree completely. Very stressful time of life for a Type 1 diagnosis. Teens are going to have a hard time with compliance and acceptance. I think that’s a given. You do all you can; but at this time of life you are going to need a professional. But give her a year. You will be surprised how far she will come. It takes time, just as it does for adults. P.S. The Dexcom will eliminate most of the fingersticks. Dexcom will be a God send during the teen years because it is very difficult to control Type 1 with the extreme increase in growth hormones during these years. Dexcom and pump is a must, IMO from puberty till full growth.

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