bad diabetes day today, my 13 year old put some snarky message up on instagram, we have warned her about this before, and so her punishment was to stay home tonight rather than go to football game. She refused to check her blood sugar, and by the time we got around to making her check it for real she was high
How would you handle a situation like this?
This is the first time she has ever gotten into trouble to the point we felt grounding was appropriate.
Wow, that's a tough situation but I agree with grounding or whatever. I have to know what my BG is and, if it's out of whack, I want to fix it. If she thinks of it as punishment and wants to use it as a bargaining chip with her parents, I think that's totally wrong. Still, it sounds like a tough night for you.
as a T1 teenager, I was like this for a few years. my Parents were lucky if I would test once a week. they didn't know what to do. my endo explained to them that if you are perfect for so long with your D then you tend to rebel at one point another,in various ways. I am not saying it is ok, I know if I could reverse time, I would have tested and been much better with my D. However I was extreamly lucky to have a doctor who could work around this problem. Maybe explaining to her what happens when you don`t take care of your D in the long run, or how she is not hurting anyone but herself. I got back on the ban wagon when my mom introduced me to a childhood friend who had T1 and by age 23 lost an eye. it scared the crap out of me, and I started testing again.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you, that you can get through to her in some way and she starts testing again.
It occurred to me that, in terms of managing 13 year olds (or our 14 year old...) grounding from the cell phone is generally a stronger "lever" than IRL grounding.
Although it perhaps raises the conundrum of how to go out without one's cell phone which might lead to IRL grounding b/c kids today seem sort of challenged by operating without a phone, to call parents to get rides, more $$$, etc. but the phone may be something to use. I think too there's the IbgStar which turns your phone into a meter and might make it more interesting but I dunno if you want to bother with that. It looks a bit clunky for my tastes.
i think you can't do more than tell her that she doesnt check her bg for anybody but herself. she does not test because you want her to, but because she wants to take care of herself. best thing in such a situation i would say, ignore her. sorry. but if she notices that you dont care right now, she might test, and if not, its not the biggest problem. as she was at home you could supervise her, and although i admit a high or low bg is not too healthy, you could have still taken action if she went into hypoglycemic coma or into dka. high bgs arent so comfortable, she would have tested before anyway. good luck!!
Gosh, I haven't had a 13-year old for a long time (and wasn't so great at the discipline stuff when I did) but, I would probably try to have a talk with her where she does most of the talking. Along the lines of questions from you and you have to draw her away from the (typical) one-word responses to make a commitment to better behavior.
Examples: Do you know why you were punished? How will you avoid being punished in the future?
Do you think the punishment was appropriate? Why/Why not?
What punishment would you have imposed?
What do you think we should do if you abuse your Instagram privileges again? Why?
I lean towards educating her about what happens if diabetes is grossly unmanaged for an extended period of time. She has a choice in life...either manage her D and have a normal and healthy life or ignore it and eventually there will be consequences. You can continue to punish, and IMHO you might just tie her weekly access to the previous week's meter testing behavior. For example, look at the individual records on the meter and make sure she tested a few times each day. If she didn't, then no phone the following week. Ultimately, she's going to have to start doing it all on her own and being in charge of her D.
If finances aren't an issue, maybe a continuous glucose meter would help.
thanks everyone! Kennedy does have a cgm, we were on one of those days it was on the fritz and getting ??? we need to just start changing it out right at 7 days rather than restarting, because when we get a ??? day, its generally a crappy one. She's gotten used to the reliability of the dex on those 7 days, and testing less, so its hard for her to go back!! We got through the weekend and endo is coming up soon, in 3 weeks, we can go over this then and I know our team will know how to handle it.
Entering this new era is tough, teenage years, I miss my sweet compliant 12 year old!!
Avoidable struggle. This offense comes with its own punishment.
Step back for a moment, simply be a grown woman, rather than her mom. Ask her as a woman, how do you feel "... that must be like a nasty hangover (it is btw, without having done anything actively to get that way)..."
Not testing is nothing. The HABIT of not testing, that becomes a problem. Lots of ways to play this one, depends on how good at acting you can be? Have you ever done a test on YOURSELF? Has your husband on himself?
My advice is to match her 1 for 1, every test she takes, every test you WANT her to take, you get a droplet of blood... whether you use an actual strip, perform a formal test or not. Match her 1 for 1 with the getting of the blood. It'll give you a heck of experience from which to speak.
Heck of a conversation starter, but don't tell her until you've (both?) had the experience of understanding what you are asking of her. Other channels exist, which one would you like to try?
