The medicine ball


#1

Ok, ok! so the endocrinologist visit went okay. Thyroid is good, cholesterol is so good she said “we don’t need to keep checking this” A1c……….. you know, I don’t like when they announce the winner of the beauty pageant – all that ■■■■■■■■ about the 3rd runner up and then the long drum roll… it’s buildup, it’s buzz

I know I wasn’t all that consistent these last 3 months: too many beers, too much pizza. I needed to correct my basal rate for the weather cause it’s starting to get a little cold in New Jersey… whatever… I know I can do better, I know I can.

Joe your A1c is 6.9 you are not under good control. I want to see you under 6.5 next time.

I am sort of taken back, you know – by my calculations it should have been about 7.3 and the 6.9 was a nice surprise, emptied by the endo’s cold announcement, but she’s right it should be under 6.5, I should do better, I should… my friends in the 12 step program would tell me “not to should on myself”

You know: every day is a gift. It is to be enjoyed and savored and rejoiced. When I feel sorry for myself I try to think about how absolutely GREAT and full my life is. When that doesn’t work I look at the thinks I am grateful for:

I am alive

I found an angel and she found me

I saw my first nephew turn 18 and my little niece turn 7 this week.

I am an agent of change in improvement of life that affects people

…My list has thousands of things on it

I am usually a pretty happy person, but I am not happy today. It’s the medicine ball. You know what it is ‘cause you have one too. If somebody said, here ■■■■■■■, carry this for 2 weeks (or 6 or 12 or 36 or 300) and then you can put it down, you may ■■■■■ and complain, but you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. You can hum to yourself, you can keep yourself entertained and amused, you can cross the days off your calendar. You can even be proud – Yea – I did it and it wasn’t so bad. I carried my ball around…

Try the ball that you have to carry forever. Try that one. Come back in 30 goddamn years and lets talk about how it isn’t so bad, and how your holding up. I am tired. I am sad. I don’t want to be sick anymore.

Tomorrow I’ll start my day in the usual way and head off to work. I put the endo visit behind me and re-do my basal protocols and I’ll stay away from pizza for a few weeks…

You know I just thought of something. Tomorrow is a little different because I’ll be thinking of all of you guys out there, and if I should pass you on the street and we don’t wave it’ll be okay because I see you are carrying that ball too. God bless!

Joe


#2

Thankyou Joe.
I keep dropping the ball. The darn thing just keeps slipping outta my hands!:stuck_out_tongue:
I’ll pick it up again tomorrow.
MeadowLark


#3

Now 7.2 I got the endo telling me not good and let’s try to fix it, and I did as my last one was 6.6, but 6.9 geesh, that is good control in my opinion, but like you said we can do better, and I know you will.


#4

Thank you for writing about this. I know how you’re feeling. My last A1C was 7.1 (the damn doctor got me confused with another patient and started railing on me for my 10.2 A1C and I was like, What are you TALKING ABOUT?–so much for patient care, but I digress), but it’s all about progress not perfection, right? Sounds like you’re going the right way and that you’re having the kind of day I was having earlier this week. In these moments, it’s good to know there are others out there who understand, feel what we feel, struggle with what we do, and care. I’m rootin’ for you. And me. And each one of us!


#5

Joe,
Thank You for saying what I’ve been thinking for years! We all have to carry this “ball” even when we want to give it away sooooooooo bad!